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end-of elixir. - Subscribe
once
this was
the miracle elixir
it was the
draught of life

once
this was
the fountain
from which
all things
sprang forth

now
so dark, so sweet
the drink that
keeps me gasping
venomous addiction
stealing my light

now
this desiccated waterway
runs with rust
and the blood
of the life
it once begot.
0 Comments
Mood: meh.

end-of knowing. Sep 16th, 2009 8:55:34 pm - Subscribe
so
small

in the face
of your
past and pain

so helpless
I'd give you
my life

to live again

things I saw
in your eyes
never needed
explained

without
knowing you
I know who
you are


I can't give you a miracle.
I can't keep you alive.
I will not forget this.

You'll stay with me for a long time.
0 Comments
Mood: so sad.

end-of what i see: Sep 9th, 2009 10:16:23 pm - Subscribe
what i see in you
i see in myself
and it's dark
like a room
where you're not listening
to the lights
telling you where to go
and what not to bang into

what i see in you
i see in myself
and i smash the mirror
because i can't face it
not in myself
and not in you

what i see in you
i see in myself
and want to hurt you
because you're
supposed to be wiser
than i am
so where are you leading me?

what i see in you
i see in myself
the reversal hurts
i can't look at you
disgusted by it
guilty of it

what i see in you
i don't see in myself
nor in my future
i'll learn from you
i won't let this become me.
0 Comments
Mood: furious.

end-of glass globe. Sep 1st, 2009 9:41:31 pm - Subscribe
a feeling of futility:

I, behind the
glass wall
not really
a part of
the bright lights
but separate
viewing
from here
the warmth and
the colour

I, within
the glass globe
here
inside my bubble
present but
isolated
safe but alone

I float in
my lonely way
out and over
the vast bay
preferring
observation
over any
involvement

I see you
below me
down there in
the mist
and come down
from my clouds
to be near you
if I knew how
I'd like to
let you in
but I don't want
to come out.

not touching,
not blending
not part of
anything
unwilling
to risk it
we embrace
and the glass wall
molds to
my shape
and if you
drop me
I'll break

but the
glass wall
remains.
0 Comments
Mood: unwilling.

end-of denial. Jul 15th, 2009 10:02:21 pm - Subscribe
I'm not in your
photographs,
living it up.
I don't appear.

I'm not in your
outbox or inbox,
as you never
sent me a word.

I'm not
in your thoughts;
you erase what
goes wrong.

I'm not part of you -
amputated,
alienated
and lied to.

I'm not your friend
and I let you down
leave me behind
so I won't find out.

Denial is not just
a river in Egypt, love.
Hope I'm there to hold you
when the boat goes down.
0 Comments
Mood: medium.

end-of respite. Jul 7th, 2009 11:00:57 pm - Subscribe
I will
draw you a map -
a topography of
suffering;
geography of pain.

I'll write you
a memoir
of what passed;
write headlines
on headstones:

I am here;
won't let anything
hurt you.
I will protect you.
you're not alone.
2 Comments
Mood: tired now.

visable English Summer Rain. Jul 3rd, 2009 6:38:11 pm - Subscribe
It always stays the same.

For a change. I'm not in the basement, stay the fuck away.

Had my music playing on Random. Isn't strange how a song can mirror your every thought.

Or perhaps its just your subconsious that snuggles the peices together like a childs floor puzzle.

1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10.
1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10
...
1...2...3
Fuck.

I am tired. Too many things that need my thoughts, or intentions. I would like to whisked off my feet, anytime now, really.

Someday my Prince will come?
Perhaps not.

Someday my bills will be paid.
More likely, yes.
0 Comments
Mood: Jaunty.
inspiration: Placebo.

end-of immortalize Jun 26th, 2009 9:33:08 pm - Subscribe
immortalize this:
waking in sunlight
your breath
on my skin

before this glow fades
feeling like
we are one
breathe together

you are holding me
not only in
memory
but all around

keep this forever
beyond all
that falls between
now and onward

I belong to
your skin now
I am here
we are one

this is a moment
that I will
never allow
to pass.
0 Comments
Mood: content.

visable Joke's on you. Jun 23rd, 2009 3:01:53 pm - Subscribe
There is something you should know about me. I like to chew hard candies. I do so everytime I get one sucked between my pretty pearly whites...

I had a self revelation today.
I popped a big white mint between my front teeth, and it did something unusual. Instead of splitting nicely down the middle, thusly exposing the delicious chewy center...

It exploded.

There was no delicious center.
Just hard shattered splinters of mintyness filling my mouth with edible shrapnel.

What was my revelation you ask.

That much like the hollow mint, I have no delicious inside. I am cold, white and if you get to personal, I shatter and break into thousands of parts.

---

I am a truly horrific person.
I dreamt about running away this morning and reinventing myself as some sort of better person.
Happier person.
With looser morals.

Lord have mercy.
0 Comments
Mood: Consenting.
inspiration: Hand Holding. The thing of dreams.

end-of silence. Jun 8th, 2009 10:44:45 pm - Subscribe
I'll be here
to listen
to your silence

I'll wait
as long as
it takes

I have words
enough for
us both

and you
can't hear me
anyway.
0 Comments
Mood: unhappy.

end-of the cut May 29th, 2009 12:21:21 am - Subscribe
get attention.
no. shut your mouth.
don't be
pretentious.

smile,
look pretty and
keep your thoughts between
your pretty ears -
don't say it
out loud.

polish 'til you shine, and
show them all
in photographs.
do not
tell them in words.

fabricate intrigue.
you may notice
that no one cares
how tortured an artist
you
really are.

steal spotlights.
no, don't let them
see you.
shut up; you're
not playing
hard-to-get.

and you're really
not that hard
to get.

you look good on paper.
but it's all
liquid crystal high definition
online television.
generally not flattering.

you didn't
make the cut
this time.
0 Comments
Mood: fed up

end-of Spirit May 26th, 2009 10:13:58 pm - Subscribe
this is the
first time
I wake
without you

after the
long sleep
and bitterness
of winter

as wind and
sunlight
stir new things
into being

you should be
thawing and
turning
to the sky

unfurling
delicate green
and open arms
embracing

this is the
first spring
that comes
without you

the tug of
beginning
on my spirit
is less now

my skyline
is empty as
you stand tall
no longer

my roots
are no longer
so deep in
this ground

this is the
first time
that I wake
without you

and, from this
season
I will grow
alone.
0 Comments
Mood: wistful

end-of return May 6th, 2009 7:51:22 pm - Subscribe
remember
how the
fragile words

would rush from
thought to paper
until I would
overflow

and build
something solid
and more real than
I had before me

remember
when you
didn't have to

have me around
but you
wanted me
anyway

we walked
on the grass
at dusk
and let it be
what it was

remember how
it felt
before colours
became formulae

before lines
became boundaries
when I wanted
only to make
beautiful things

I forgot
how good
these things
could be

yet I find
it all
comes back
to me.
0 Comments
Mood: relieved

end-of fail May 5th, 2009 7:25:16 pm - Subscribe
so
I
fail

and I
face my fate

so I learned
a lot about
myself

and I gave
a lot
that I'd rather
have kept

but was
unwilling
to give it all

and I fail
as a result

and there is
nothing in my life
that I do
especially well

nothing
except write
poetry that
no one reads

and I don't know
what I want

but I need
a new me.
1 Comments
Mood: disgusted.

tear Spring brings a time of grieving and memories. Apr 17th, 2009 1:23:11 am - Subscribe

I've loved you then, I've loved you before, and I love you now.

A part of myself will always love you, as a friend and as something much deeper.

You will always, have a piece of my heart.

This is hard for me.

I feel stupid. I know that our lives have changed and that we have yet to rebuild our friendship that we had before.

And I'm grateful for our friendship.

But something in my heart, in that stupid little heart will always yearn and want to be something more with you.

Even if that doesn't cross your mind at all.

I'll always love you.
0 Comments
Mood: pathetic

end-of finally Apr 10th, 2009 6:03:26 pm - Subscribe
trying to
remember why

I
gave
this
up

draw a blank

voices echo

empty room

where my life was

all my poetry
in boxes
packed and ready
going nowhere

no one here
where I used to be

so they finally
took this
away from me?
1 Comments
Mood: empty

pura Some time passed. But it doesn't count. Mar 23rd, 2009 6:04:56 am - Subscribe
I had last year off.
I did nothing with my time.
I took some drugs, I struggled to get up every morning, I worked full time as a kitchenslave.
I came out the other side, but only barely.
I nearly lost myself in the haze of sedation, I had to push myself away and my only motivation was that of wanting to know.
Sure, I had the family, I had the public pressure, I had the girlfriend (for the start and the end), but it all means nothing when you don't care about your mind.
You don't need a mind to communicate, you only need a brain.

Perhaps this is why I suddenly felt the urge to write. To say something I actually care about, to feel something that makes me want to write.
I'm still trying to become completely human again but perhaps I'm missing certain human qualities now. I don't need other people the way I did in high school.
I only socialise if I really want to, I lock myself away and read my university texts instead of going drinking or taking drugs.
And I don't fear failure in university, I know I won't but I don't need to study as much as I do, I just find my solace is that of knowledge.
Am I a bad person for this?
No one would think so, they simply think I am studious.
If anybody did worry about this, they'd ask me to have a drink.
I don't like drinking all that much, it's such a predictable and wasteful activity. This isn't to say it's not fun, I just wouldn't be the one to suggest it, unless I was feeling sociable.

I suppose I haven't been here for a while, I hope to be back soon. I hope I'll have something to say.

- N/A
0 Comments
Mood: quiet

visable Lower back pains. Jan 7th, 2009 6:38:53 pm - Subscribe
So it is exceptionally cold here at my desk this morning. The boiler is struggling to meet our overbearing expectations, and so I am sitting with a space heater wrapped around my legs, and fancy magic mitts on my hands. They are purple.

Life has been somewhat fanciful as of late. With babies, and grown-ups, and this insessant cold.

It hit -1'F on the weekend. I am pretty well thinking that even Siberia would be warmer... I was reading an article today oddly enough about Chernobyl. It made me smile and think of the empty and barreness of it.

To think, that there is a place is this ever expanding world of ours that isn't sought after, and doesn't reek of overpopulation. And the only reason it escapes humanity is because it so heavily radiated.

Nature has moved on however... The grass is green, the wildlife lives happily...

Its as close to peace as this world will see...

...I hear though, you can book guided tours.
0 Comments
Mood: Desperate
inspiration: Gold Ink-ings.

visable Of Arachides and Arachnides. Dec 30th, 2008 7:56:00 pm - Subscribe
Mmm...

It has been so long.
1 Comments
Mood: reminiscent.
inspiration: pale peridot flowers.

tear Some kind of quote. Dec 19th, 2008 6:07:39 am - Subscribe


It's gunna take alot to get this girl to be herself, to find her true self and then be able to feel able to be her true self around.
0 Comments
Mood: twitterpated