mercy killing?
Date: Jul 4th, 2007 1:24:26 am - Subscribe
Mood: dour
Every time I talk to you I end up crying. I thought it was things here, but now I realise that its you. Its talking to you, its feeling you slip away...
You took another path and I can be happy until I think about you... I don't know if I'll ever get over the way things went down... not really. Now seeing you so happy there in this new life you have and watching you get further and further away... well its fucking hard...
Its not a life that I can be a part of. Its not a life that I'm welcome to. Its not a life i can be happy for you in. There is no longer any place for me. There's just a hole where you used to be...
So maybe the best idea for us my old love, my lost friend, is to say goodbye. Once and for all... to leave things as they are and just move on. i can't go on feeling so uncomfortable, having her happiness rubbed in my face every time I talk to you. Having you at arms length and never closer. I miss you... and missing you isn't fair. You said we would still be friends, but... are we? Are we really or do you just get some kind of guilt relief from listening to a whinge from me once in a while?
So... maybe it is better if I start again and make things better and new... maybe its better if I move forward without you... maybe its better if she takes you once and for all and my life goes forward, because today in this moment you're the saddest thing in it. You're the unhappiness I don't need. You're the destroyer of things that should be better without you... I don't need that feeling.
But letting you go... finally letting you go and trying to live my life without you... that seems so hard. And harder still is knowing that you wouldn't feel it... so it seems the best thing to do... You can't be an acquaintance to me... it just can't happen...
But maybe if i just wait, things will pan out and somehow this nowhere land will dissipate in favor of a something and somewhere existence. I'd like that. I'd like that...
Maybe in the face of that goodbyes wouldn't be necessary... but I fear thats where you're heading... there with her... and i'm not welcome to that part of your life. You would be making a choice and a life without me at all... and you said that wasn't how it was going to be...
But its dying... so maybe the best thing would be to put it out of its misery?
tron
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