Noman's land
Date: Jun 2nd, 2007 3:55:39 am - Subscribe
Mood: gelatinous
something in the real to share: Putting on weight might be healthier but it does nothing for one's self esteem.
It crept up like a silent fart in a crowded room, and then before I knew it, it was all I could smell. Depression. Changing my thoughts into unhealthy diatribes about my own worthlessness. And again, so quickly, I'm face down on cold tiles... in two three... hold two three... out two three...
Trying to apply the techniques you've been espousing is always harder than it seems. But then so are most things at the moment.
Life, uni life, financial life. Its a pressure cooker, and I'm a potato... getting softer and softer in the steam.
Here I was saying I was in no mood for metaphors... Turned out I lied.
So what now? It isn't a life to live like this. Its more disturbing knowing that this isn't the way I want to be. Knowing that this isn't the way I have to be. When you realize that there are things that you can do and you aren't helpless, every worthless moment feels like a failure. It isn't exactly productive, but it certainly helps to compound your sense of self denying stubbornness.
All things must lead to a plan...
The plan? Finish the uni semester off and get good grades... work on becoming better for myself and making a life outside the mad house...
God I thrived on the madness... I lived in it... but its time to give it away... like smoking, feels great at the time, but the consequences are fatal...
well... the consequences of life are fatal I suppose... doesn't mean I want to speed up the sand flow.
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