- Mental Junkyard… mind the dogs

old stories and universal truths...	Oct 21st, 2007 1:59:17 am - Subscribe
What is it that opposite sex relationships crave from each other, and can they ever hope to satisfy the craving? Why are women conditioned to expect knights in shining armour who at a closer glance prove to be nothing more than tin can foot soldiers? Why do most men believe they're Arthur or Merlin, and turn out to be Lancelot instead? Why can't they admit that they don't really go for Excalibur, and all the chivalrous things they claim to stand for. Why did Achilles have to fall in love? And why did men give a shit about Helen of troy. Why do women have affairs? If one man cannot satisfy them, what makes them think any other can? A man said to me that his wife married the perfect man, because all men are perfect, does that mean that none is better than the other? I am torn between men. One man haunts my dreams because he thinks he's Arthur and is actually Lancelot and won't admit it and therefore give me the peace i so desperately crave. the other man is grooming me to be a perfect reproductive unit so that we can play house. There is admittedly part of me that enjoys this... but a darker looming threat that cannot accept my place as receptacle and gestational vessel. There is a man who once appeared to be the knight, but on closer inspection, he seemed so black... but maybe that is all to do with perception, and I may have been the dragon not the princess to him. When/if i learn to feel perhaps I will be sorry... perhaps I already am... another man, a man I don't even dare to think about or speak about has become the material of fantasy... one last hope that if I don't get too close, that if I look at him out of the corner of my eye I can believe in knights in shining armour all over again. One last effort to believe in the fairy tale... to allow myself to hope. I hope I never get to close to such and one... I hope I never find anyone who looks like the perfect partner again. Relationships are hard fucking work... its all about compromise and settling... the very things that draw you to a person will ultimately be the things that push you away...
mood: misanthropic	(2) comments

	emogirlie	October 21st, 2007
	True. I enjoy the last line especially. But is it not worth it to plunge your entire heart and soul into a relationship, just because it "might" not work out? I think it's good to put your everything into your lovers... that way you can really experience life... make memories, learn from your mistakes... and really live. No one is perfect... but that's what makes people perfect in their own way. There are those who will seem perfect to you... out there somewhere. It might take a lifetime... or more to find them, but it will be worth it.

	tron	October 21st, 2007
	I feel as though seeking perfection is useless... I look for enough of a compromise. In my state, the way I am, who I am, perfection is impossible. I would find fault with any person I spent long enough with. It's a quick draw reflex... shoot first. The proverbial 'they' say that to love another you need to first love yourself. It is such a comforting saying... I doubt that I can ever love myself. I doubt that I can ever really embrace passion the way I once did, and being so young, the future looks very very long indeed... Perhaps enough therapy can bring me around to a conclusion that makes all parties happy. Perhaps it will be medication. Whatever way, I seem to have stopped dreaming and started compromising... reaching for the sky only hurts your arms after a while... Perhaps I'm just down, perhaps disillusioned. Don't get me wrong, the man I am with is a very good man and i have all intention of spending my life with him as long as he'll have me. I believe the fault lies deep within myself... and so can't ever be fixed. Wow. Aren't I cheery.