the see saw
Date: May 7th, 2007 2:19:49 am - Subscribe
Mood: impatient
I can't seem to remember life sitting down and promising me that it would be fair. So it should come as no surprise to me that when I find a little piece of happiness the worlds of those I love destabilise.
I've finally found something lasting. Something positive. Something geared toward the same goals as I am with someone who treats me better than I deserve to be treated. And it comes to that breaking point in so many relationships around me. Are we meant to find monogamous happiness? Is love settling for what you think you need?
I've been burned by love myself. And frankly, its a bitch. We all know that. There is little point to this self indulgent rant.
I wanted to come on here and proclaim how stable and happy I am. To tell the world that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. That I'm breathing, that I'm treading water, floating on my back and no longer blinded by the sunlight...
But it just seems too tasteless to spend time writing about that when the see saw effect makes me feel like i'm robbing others of their happiness to have a shot at something real and lasting... when it seems and always has seemed like the only way to take pain out of the world has been to bear the burden myself as long as I can. It seems...
All I can do is be the open ear waiting for the world to tell me its problems, and maybe I'll one day believe that my own happiness can come without a price.
Maybe one day I'll finally find something to stand up and fight for, rather than being ready to lay down and die when trouble hits. Maybe one day I'll know how to go about the fight and then laying down won't actually be the best option.
I don't know this is a rather long and uninspired rant from a rather overtired person who would like to believe in an almost hedonistic world where people can be happy. Take care world.
Tron
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