- Mental Junkyard… mind the dogs

stuck in the middle with myself.	Aug 27th, 2007 8:18:17 am - Subscribe
My head is a mess again and my heart still doesn't trust me. There are so many changes happening in my world at the moment bloggosphere... and the further I go down the road, the further it will be to walk back if I lose confidence and scream STOP! FOR FUCK SAKE LET ME OFF THIS RIDE! But I don't want to use the safe word just yet, do I? In the garage is a car. In the car are my things. The immediate possessions I need to get through my life. In the car are the boxes and in the boxes are these things. I'm worried about so many things, uni, lifestyle. God I am packing on the pounds. I'd love to lose a good 15 pounds... I need to lose that much. I'm disgusting now. And not so long ago I had my body exactly the way I wanted it... and now it feels like all is lost. I feel like I'm constantly sick. My head spins, my fingers tingle and for no good reason my muscles clench on me. Its like dying slowly. All I want to do is sleep. And all around me the world keeps on turning like its not a big deal, and to be honest it shouldn't be... So why am I so desperately clinging to the idea that it is? Commitment, if you're serious, takes away your options. Its selfish to commit to someone if you don't intend to be here for very long. And the longer I commit for the more that grates on my spine... the more it gets under my fingernails... I'm promising never to do it... I feel trapped, kept, uncomfortable... Here is the hand out of the top of the hole! But where are the dressings for my hands when I get there? I want a pat on the back and a 'job well done'... Perhaps I need to keep climbing...
mood: jaded	(0) comments