|
So this is it. A new home. A new place to start, again. Its been a while since I last wrote an online journal, er typed one, its not gonna make it easier though. I have this difficulty in expressing my thoughts in words, be it written or spoken. It also doesnt help that English is my second language and I'm crappy at it. But I want to blog in English and I wont give a f@&k what accidental readers will say of my horrible English. Now, people might think that I'm just being modest about my command of the English language but let's just get one thing straight, I'm an English teacher but ... er, that's it. That's the thing. This is the chance for me to practice my skills. I'm supposed to be great at the f@&kin language but I'm not, you see. Pity my students but dont worry, I made sure I plan my lessons perfectly before I start any of my classes. So they are spared from any forms of deviation. Speaking of which, I am also gay. Yes, gay of the homosexual kind, not of the happy kind. I'm a fag. I'm not sure whether I can call me that but I AM a fag. Have been called one and not ashamed of being one, at least not anymore. Yes, at 26 years old, a man will have no choice but to finally accept who he is. So I do. I'm not out of the closet though, not yet. I'm lucky though because I live in a country where gay-bashing is not common. I'm not saying that there are no gay bashing cases here in Malaysia but its very rare. I've heard of serious cases of gay bashing in the States and I'm scared shit if something like that were to happen to me. It makes me scared of walking alone, meeting new people. Scared of trust. As you can see, i'm not really positive of myself. Ayways, I hope that this online journal will work in making me express my thoughts, fears and joys to the world. I hope it can help me in helping me. So, here's to a new beginning. For a new me. Randy @ Truenow |
|
...and I think Chris Evans is damn-fuckin H.O.T !!! He makes me wet my pants. Anyone knows where they make men like that? Can I buy one from eBay? I blush like a school girl in pinafore when I watched him in Cellular and now Fantastic Four. Aw, Human Torch can light my fire anytime, anywhere cuz it aint been lighted for A VEEEERRRRYYYYYY LOOOOONNNGGG time! okay, i'll stop acting stupid now. |
|
My one month vacation is over. Tomorrow morning I'm driving back to the state I'm working in (as of now, it will be known as state V). That'll be a 6 hour drive from my hometown, man I hate driving that long a distance but I gotta start teaching again next week. coz the new semester starts next week. I don't know why I dread going back to state V, I used to hate staying too long in my hometown because I get bored here but now I just dont want to leave. Why? It's no like there's anyting interesting happening here so w.t.f? I havent packed my stuff, dont feel like doing so yet. maybe I'll just throw everything inside the car tomorrow. It wont take that long, I dont have that many stuff to bring back to state V, anyways. I guess maybe I dont feel like going back to state V because I dread the thought of meeting new students. They haven't always been easy, nor have I. Maybe I dread driving alone for 6 hours. Maybe I just dread work. I donno. I just hope that there will be less stress for me this semester. I need to stay sane for as long as I can. THEY need me to stay sane. I also hope that my application for a transfer will be approved by the end of the year. I want to get out of that god-forsaken place as soon as possible. Please let there be a miracle for once in my life. I guess that's all for today's post. I'll try to blog as often as I can in state V. I may even post some pics of me there once I figure out how to do it. Okie, later. p/s. I hate the sad fact that at 26, I still dont have that much facial hair. I need a beard goddamnit! I look like I'm 17 compared to my students. I tried everthing, I shaved regularly (what's barely there), I applied super growth tonic, I prayed ;P. Everything! I did it all in that order, too. F@&k! How pathetic does God want me to be? |
|
So here's another pointless post from moi. I arrived at town X of state V safely yesterday at around noon. I departed very early; before dawn, infact. That's how I like it when traveling long distance. Nothing much changed here, in terms of town development I mean. I wasnt expecting any but they could have done something about the condition of the roads. They are really bad, holes everywhere. That's why I dont like driving my car so much when I'm here. I'd rather just fetch a ride with AJ, my housemate. I'm glad to meet my housemates again. When I arrived, I didnt staright away unpack. We spent the whole afternoon talking, instead. It's like we havent met for years but then again a month IS long so glad to finally meet them again. Today, work begins, again. It's pretty much the same like last semester and the semesters before that. Nothing interesting. I'm so used to the whole routine that I dont think I am aware of what I do. That's how boring everyting is. What's interesting is a particular someone is coming here to one of the beautiful resorts because he's attending a course early next month. so he asked me to "accompany" him. Cant wait for that! |
|
I waited for the red light to turn green last night even though there were no other cars on the road. It was a rather long wait, maybe about 5 min. I'm such a law abiding citizen,read: dumbass. Other than than, I think I'm satisfied with what little things that happened yesterday in my "exciting" life. |