| Current Emotion |
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wretched |
| I[heart]emo[music] |
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Please come with me, see what I've seen |
I've realized that I hardly care about the feelings of people whom I should care deeply about. I do a LOT of crazy things, I don't think of the consequences, or who I might be hurting. I just do whatever I want at pretty much any given time. I hate being tied down though, I want, I need my freedom. I need more than freedom. I still kinda feel like a horrible person,... but this doesn't bother me as much as it did the other day. I don't know, I can be mellow, I can not care, I can give up, I can let it go.
I try to think about all the things that I've always been told that was bad or wrong. What exactly makes them bad or wrong? What makes good, good? Seriously. Something is only considered bad because it's relative. Same goes for anything considered good. We constantly have comparisons with different opinions. That screws around with the good and bad topics. People think differently so not everything that's considered bad by certain people is bad to other people. Understand what I'm saying? I guess it doesn't matter if you [readers] do understand, as long as I get it.
I don't know. My opinions and views have changed so much in the past few months. I wish I could just express myself to someone, show and tell them what I mean but that probably wouldn't be a good thing. I do like to keep things to myself, it helps me feel safe and secure.
Graduation is almost here, less than two days. It's so great knowing how much I've acomplished and I can't say that it's going to hurt me to not talk to a lot of the people that I am used to talking to. [Again with the lack of feelings here.] I don't understand why I just don't care, but I don't. Maybe I'm tired of them? Maybe I know that it's a good thing for me to get away from them? Maybe I know it's a good thing for me to get out of Fremont? I hope one of those is the answer I'm looking for. I think, maybe, instead of constantly trying to figure out why I don't care about feelings, I should try to figure out why I really should. Maybe I should try to talk to more people and discover the things they feel and why they feel it and how they feel it. Maybe then I can understand why I'm this way, and maybe change?
I'm done pondering, for now. |
