The Chicago trip was the best thing that could've happened to me this year. Despite the fact that EVERYTHING was amazing and beautiful, it brought Tyler and I really close. I'm happy with him. I wish some other people were happy with us... It makes me really freaking sad to see allison cry and to hear RC say he doesn't want to be with us when we're together. It makes me wonder if all this is worth it. But I've given up so much in the past, I've sacrificed so much for other people's happiness that, I never got to be the person who sat back and enjoyed themselves. And that's what I want. I've found something good, I do want to hold on to it... as much as I hate seeing my friends get hurt. I can't help my feelings... but what I can help is my friends. I hope to be able to help allison with how she feels and I hope to change the symptoms that RC is feeling. All I can do is try, I'm not sure if anything I've got left to say will change anything.... I'm running out of words.

On another note, I'm really struggling with a bad habit. I promised myself I wouldn't and it's just harder than I thought. When I'm at home it's what I think about. Just thinking about it drives me nuts to the edge of... well, you know.

20 days left of highschool. Graduation is so close... ahhh... :-)
No more stupid kids.

In closing, I realized tonight that I freaking love RC! He's totally my best friend, and I'd probably kill myself if he weren't. He fell asleep on me tonight and I was happy to actually be close with the kid because I've missed him sooo much. We will hang out together more!!!