When Dreams Die
Date: Oct 19th, 2004 9:19:34 pm - Subscribe
Mood: deep
Random Feelings: Nothing.
Have you ever experienced the joy of dreams?
Looking to the future with your hopes of what will be.
Planning out each careful step along lifes highway.
Preparing for any little detours and obstacles along the way.
Hoping that all your dreams will be fulfilled.
Hoping that each day is full of wonderful new experiences.
I once had dreams. I once had hopes.
The day my daughter was born.
My future was to be one of happiness and exciting new experiences.
Five days later my daughter died.
And my dreams, my hopes, died with her.
Comments: (1)
Friendship
Date: Oct 19th, 2004 5:22:10 pm - Subscribe
Mood: heartbroken
Random Feelings: Gutted
What does it mean to be a friend?
Does it mean standing back and watching someone make a mistake because they think it will make them happy? Does it mean keeping quiet when your heart, mind and soul want to scream out to them that they are doing something for the wrong reasons.
Does it mean being there for them, to help pick up the pieces when everything goes wrong, to help pull them back together and build up their self confidence again.
Does it mean keeping quiet about you own feelings, your own heartache, your own wants, needs and longings. Does it mean siiting back and let somebody undo all the hard work you have done to help them through the last few weeks because that somebody doesn't understand.
Does it mean talking them through the difficult first steps of a relationship, when all you want to do is scream at them to dump the prat. Trying to make her see his point of view, trying to help her express her opinions to herself as well as him.
I guess it means all those things.
I don't want to do it. But I will.
After all thats what friends are for.
Comments: (0)
Thoughts From Deep Within
Date: Oct 19th, 2004 12:35:48 am - Subscribe
Mood: incomplete
Random Feelings: Happy & Sad
Things have been happening around me recently.
Not directly involving me, but close enough to be in my thoughts.
It brought back a few memories, more than a few, it brought back a lot of memories.
Memories that I thought I had buried, hidden, disguised.
Some of them are the worst memories of my life, but strangely also some of the happiest. And to remember the happy ones I have to live with the sad ones. Part of me would swap the bad ones for anything(almost anything) in the world. Yes my own life included. But another part of me cherishes those memories. I can honestly say that I haved loved someone all of their life.
Not the love of a couple, a love that must be earned, worked at, deserved. But the unrequiting love, the knowledge that I would give my life without question because of this love. If you understand my words you will understand the love of which I speak. If you don't I honestly hope that one day you will love somebody in such a way.
My words here aren't intended to cause distress, they aren't intended for everyone. They are intended for those who understand, who sympathise, who have trodden the same path. To most of the people who read this they are only words. To some they are enlightenment.
Comments: (0)
Daddy's Little Soldier
Date: Oct 19th, 2004 12:14:32 am - Subscribe
Mood: reflective
Random Feelings: Too many to comprehend
Daddy's little soldier.
Heard the battle cry.
Come on Alexander.
Another little try.
Daddy's little soldier.
Fought with all his might.
Come on Alexander.
Make it through the night.
Daddy's little soldier.
Saw the morning light.
Come on Alexander.
Don't give up the fight.
But daddy's little soldier.
Grew weary of the fight.
We love you Alexander.
God bless and goodnight.
Universe1996
Comments: (0)
A Lifetime Of Feelings
Date: Oct 17th, 2004 9:37:18 pm - Subscribe
Mood: tormented
Random Feelings: Don't even ask
I lived a lifetime in 5 days.
I went through a lifetimes emotions in the space of 120 hours.
Fear.
Anxiety.
Amazement.
Relief.
Worry.
Pride.
Love.
Tenderness.
Hope.
Fright.
Grief.
Anger.
Regret.
So many emotions, causing so many reactions. No time to think, only now can I reflect.
A lifetime of emotions, not my lifetime....her lifetime. My daughters lifetime. A lifetime in 5 days.
The years may have passed, but the pain never diminishes. It doesn't go away, just hides under the surface.
Maybe it will last my lifetime?
Comments: (1)
Other Arena's
Date: Oct 16th, 2004 8:10:20 pm - Subscribe
Mood: special
Random Feelings: Thinking about the future. Where I want to spend it and with whom.
To follow on from my last post, regarding my writings on the Internet.
This isn't the only place I write, at the current count I have nearly 20 places in which I pour out my inner feelings.
Why so many?
Because I have different parts of me that need to be expressed in different places. Some are adult orientated and for obvious reasons are kept seperate from the everyday stuff. Others are written for a special person, many will read them but only she will know and understand the significance of the words. Others are written just so I can get the thoughts out of my head. Put them down somewhere so to speak. In a way it is like confiding in a friend. Telling someone your troubles because you know they won't judge you. And if they do judge you, the chances of you actually meeting that person are so astronomical that you are willing to take that chance.
I have a friend, she is going through problems in her life at the moment, I think she confides in me because she knows I won't judge her. I will understand and offer help and advice. A kindly word and maybe, just maybe some common sense soloutions. I know she will at some time read these words. I hope she will know that the things I have said to her are for her benefit, to help her through this. And I hope she will understand why I do it.
I've just been to look and there is still no Internet in hell.
Don't tell me I have to go to heaven to log on. Can't cope with all those XXX rated angel sites.
Comments: (0)
Another Online Hideaway
Date: Oct 16th, 2004 1:43:05 pm - Subscribe
Mood: complicated
Random Feelings: Concerned about a friend.
Or should that be 'Another Online Arena'. Because that is what this is, an arena on which I perform. My performance is the words I write, my audience those who read them. My applause is the comments they offer.
So why put myself on view, why write so that others can read. I like to think that I am a bit of an exhibisionist, I like performing for the amusement of others, to excite or tittilate, other times it is because I feel the need to purge my soul, to get my thoughts out into the wonderous expanses of cyberspace, and leave them floating there for all eternity in the far flung corners of the Internet. Maybe aliens will read these words one day, and understand that once upon a time there was intelligent life on earth. And we weren't all preoccupied with XXX rated pics of horny teenage babes.
Do I want comments? Of course I do. If you read my words leave a message. Good or bad it is all feedback. It proves that my words have been seen and read...if not understood.
If what I write interests you and you want to know more then get in touch, lets develop a friendship over the vast distances that seperate us. Male, female, young or old, it matters not....all that matters is the ability to communicate.
Enjoy life and all its wonderful surprises, for tomorrow you may be dead and as far as I know they don't have the Internet in hell.
Comments: (1)