unspoken_x's Blog

you've been burning in water and drowning in flames..
Date: Nov 3rd, 2005 9:40:43 am - Subscribe
Mood: unknown
my anti-drug <33: \'Faith In The Knife\' - Scary Kids Scaring Kids

I dont think love's very fair.

Courts agrees with me.

And i shouldnt really care bout Marc, but i do. In some strange insignificant way, that i cant exactly fathom. Even though i know hes a major flirt, and if we ever do get together it'll only be a 5minute fling. And i know deep down i dont really want that.

And then theres Chris. The reason love's not fair. The first person i felt a proper connection with. The guy that id do anything for to be with right now.



.Think im stuck.



I got exams from the 14th til the 18th *help* ...maths is so gonna be a living nightmare for me, i just know it.

Stupid way-over-complicated algebra.

Oh well. Schools nearly over.. only 22 more days to go! *mini mexican wave*

x night night x

hugs: (3)

the on-going thing
Date: Nov 1st, 2005 6:08:35 am - Subscribe
Mood: so-so
my anti-drug <33: 'mObscene' - Marilyn Manson

I got the job! I went for the interview after school and yup *grins* so happy.. hehe

School was alright, to a degree. Got kept in with Larnzz in maths and in science and i gotta say i was majorly surprised we weren't kept in after social, heh, i so cant help it tho o.O

Oh Oh! never thought it would happen.. but courts wrote jemma a huge-ass letter and they're all good again? Utterly can't believe it. This is the stubborn courtney that ive known for nearly 5years im talking aboout. Im just really shocked that she gave in.

But very relieved none the less

Hmm.. im in a predicament.. but yea, anyhoo.
My ex.. umm i'll call him Mr. X, txted me the other night and said he still has all these feelings for me. Basically said on a line he still loved me.

[[Lets skip back a few months first.. To May. The reason i dumped Mr. X, was because my best guy friend asked me out.. and at the time i had feelings for him and i thought it could go somewhere. (Mr. X lived in aucks ((a lil while away from me))) and my best mate, of course, lived here.) ]]

I think i still had feelings for Mr. X when i left him and that could be my problem. Coz now im with Chris (not my best mate, we split up about 2months ago) and me and Mr. X have really gotten to know eachother all over again, and it seems i know him better now than what i thought i did for the 8months we were together.

But come to think about it, i love chris and i dont wanna muck it up. But why is Mr. X creeping back into my head? It makes everything so much more confusing than it already is.. And im sure you agree (^_^)

When you're going out with someone.. does it always seem like you get more attention from other people than when you're free and single? Its like this evil bloody temptation thing that messes everything up

in love and temptation,

sincerely me
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hair, seniors & puppy dog looks
Date: Oct 29th, 2005 11:49:12 pm - Subscribe
Mood: dramatic
my anti-drug <33: \'Sad For You\' - Elemeno P

Say bye to blonde.. (^-^) i got it done yesterday! Looks pretty awesome actually. Its a brunette-y, auburn-y, bronze-y color and surprisingly it really suits me, especially with the added layering and stuff :''>

bloody freaked this morning tho. In my state of half asleepness i screamed when i saw dark hair all over my pillow (No, i dont mean detatched from my head. Just on my pillow) Then suddenly remembered i got it dyed yesterday and felt like a dork *rolls eyes*

But hey.. like keiron said yesterday "you'll always be blonde at heart" ..Thanks mate, love yah heaps (^_^)

Looks like the seniors dont finish school until the 11th of nov now, so that means exams will be held back even further.. which means i'll get out even later.. which means i'll have to beg Chris (which wont be very hard give or take a few puppy dog looks in his direction) to come down abit later than expected. Damn. Ah well, better late than never

The never ending situation between courts and jemma is well, never ending. And to be completely honest, they can both jump off a cliff and take their probs with eachother with them as far as im concerned. Im pretty much over the constant battle.

luv'n stuff x<3x
hugs: (1)

*mini mexican waves*
Date: Oct 28th, 2005 3:51:45 am - Subscribe
Mood: overworked
my anti-drug <33: 'Will You' - P.O.D

god i hate being a blonde, everyone labels you a ditz. Well, let me rephrase that: 'everyone labels me a ditz because im blonde.'

Think i need/want to dye my hair, any suggestions?

I wanna layer it more anyway so this will be a good chance to get it totally re-done. I feel like i need to reinvent myself once again, change it completely. Which i almost do every 2months >.< but its all good.. ive been blonde all my life.. and im finally fed up with it.

Took the day off which was sweet. Didnt exactly feel like going to school, coz once again i was sure to get caught up in courtney and jemmas on-going sarga. So anyways.. I got some time to look over that application again for mountain view, then they rang and said ive got an appointment with the manager about the job on tuesday! =]

Cant wait til the end of school.. i wish it was closer than the 25th of nov tho; seems so far away right now. And then of course ive got another additional 2 weeks before i can hop on that plane and say goodbye to new zealand for a month, and do a mini mexican wave to sigapore and the uk

*thinks* i better start a countdown! heh

xoxo
hugs: (2)

music, tomatoes & complications
Date: Oct 25th, 2005 3:30:26 am - Subscribe
Mood: jazzed
my anti-drug <33: 'The Quiet Things That No One Ever Knows' - Brand New

like i txted manana this mornin im feelin way better =) ..this whole jemma .vs. courtney thing is really making things complicated tho. Bah, ah well, it'll be over soon.

And the marc situation is pretty much over, he's accepted the fact that im not gonna even slightly touch him with a barge pole =P

Got heaps of stuff to do this week.. and i wanna try and go for my learners license at the end of it, if i can get thru this massive book ..its all common sense tho, no sweat!

Then i get my car.. *dances*

Plus Moutain View called and said they're looking at my application and are very impressed! woot

Oh i found out im tied for top in english! hehe, smartness o.O ..ohh && courts is gonna be in my level 1 maths class next yr heh, fun fun

Other than the usual turmoil of year 10 crap, my lifes goin pretty well.. surprise surprise, apart from the fact i gotta go drag the bins down the bottom of the road now -what a shame- (-_-; ..And i suppose i better copy some stuff out for my research project for music.. *throws a tomato at my music ogre*

Ohh that reminds me, speaking of music.. Courts isnt allowed to go to Big Day Out!? her mums being a stubborn cow and says that shes too young (supposedly has to be 18!!) *shock horror* ..that absolutely sucks, but.. i was talkin to Cody in science and he was sayin he could get tickets and get his brother to drive us up to aucks for it =D

lotsa luv'n stuff inbetween <3
hugs: (3)

tell me your blue sky's been painted grey
Date: Oct 24th, 2005 4:42:36 am - Subscribe
Mood: ugh
my anti-drug <33: \'send the pain below\' - chevelle

Laugh or cry. Cry or laugh. Aren't these two emotions meant to be the same? If so why does one always seem to conquer the other?

Im not a martyr, ive just had a crap week. -correction- A VERY crap week *sighs*..hope this ones better.

Guess i should say it all started with that sleep over last saturday round my place, with courts and jemma.
Marc txted me.. told me he had 'feelings' for me. Wanted me to break up with Chris for him. Two words = fuck that. I like Marc.. just not enough to want to break up with Chris. I love Chris, despite his work-a-holic nature for the past month, he's still great guy. Also despite the distance, despite my constant worrying, despite the fact i miss him terribly and despite the fact i want him here so bad it hurts. I still love him. He still loves me.

so thats that segment of the past weekend. Onto the next.. here we go..

Had to choose my subs for next year. I feel like im being thrown into the future at full bloody throttle by a ton of people that dont even care where i end up.
My music ogre is tryin to pursuade me to carry on with music, which i would quite happily do if she would let me play bass. But no.. she wants me in the orchestra on a flippin clarinet (note: me and clarinets DO NOT mix) i wasnt born to fit into the prim and proper orchestra of K-hole college thank you very much.

The 'ultra giant' is makin me take science. I
Couldnt take graphics either! stupid line choices wouldnt let me

After all this.. im taking:

English AS
Maths AS
Science AS
art
geography
computers

Think AS stands for acheivement standards; they're like the top ones. Oo smartness oO

*Now... zooming forward to this weekend*

Went to the movies on saturday.. fun fun, with courts and cody. Saw Dark Water.. hate to say it absolutely sucked, but what the hell.. it was still an excuse to throw popcorn at T when we saw her come in, hehe *looks innocent*

Strangely enough im now feeling better.. weird, but its kool. Being the cancer i am i dont think i can help it much, either that or its just me being me ..seems more believable that way anyhoo

oh ew, before i forget cody told me somethin kinda disturbing on saturday (hey its what ex's are for! lol)
Its kinda a sad story, so if you dont like sad stuff with a strange twist at the end id strongly advise you to stop right about here

___

k well, he was saying there was this guy a few years ago that raped his daughter, but blamed it on the dog. He then also raped the dog, but shot it incase it told someone?!

yea.. im serious. Majorly messed up tho.

O.o

___

<3
hugs: (1)

and back we go..
Date: Oct 12th, 2005 5:18:55 am - Subscribe
Mood: unstoppable
my anti-drug <33: 'Ride The Wings Of Pestilence' - From First To Last

>_Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in his shoes. That way if he gets pissed off, he'll be a mile away - and you'll have his shoes_<

got this running through my mind; have no idea why.. muwahaha

*clears throat* so.. anyway..

I went back to school monday.. *sob* majorly sucked arse. Maybe coz my ex decided not to talk to me.. (coz shannin had opened her big gob and told him that she had seen me and chris holding hands in the supermarket during the hols)

So my argument is why doesnt he just grow up? Yes, i have a new boyfriend and he should get over the fact that i wouldnt have even dumped him if he'd spent more time with me?

..i mean seriously, i really liked keiron to bits - But he worked 'all' the time. Every weekend.. i hardly ever saw him *sigh* so what was i meant to do? Stay with a guy i wasnt happy with, or go for the guy that makes me feel great?

um.. oh, speaking of the guy that makes me feel great (^-^) ..he's coming down here again before i go back to england (dec 9th) ..he'll be staying like 'here' in my house.. not in the motel down the road.. lol. Wonder what'll happen o_O ..rhys better be good (-_-;

School was funny today.. (unbelievable huh) ..me, courts, jemma, mark and blair got kicked out the class for laughing so hard. And jemma and mark had to go to mr. schocking.. haha, while me, courts and blair got off lightly.. *looks meekly innocent*

..better go - got some maths to do.. bleh

<33

p.s i finally updated myspace! www.myspace.com/xtwistedxfaithx =D
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elephants and boredom
Date: Oct 7th, 2005 6:57:30 am - Subscribe
Mood: rich
my anti-drug <33: 'The Shooting Star that Destroyed us all' - A Static Lullaby

mhmm.. its like 8pm, pouring down with rain, the suns setting behind the massive overgrown grassy hill where the cows escaped the other day.. and it generally just feels yucky.. ew, hate it

I have no idea why im in a mood. I just feel like ranting.. but to whom ever may be reading this though, i dont intend to bore you to death. Just yet.

Got nothing to do; mum wanted me to dust my room.. asked why i hadnt done it.. just said it'll get done eventually, otherwise i'll move into the garage because of the dust build up creating a hard time for me to find anything. But then again whats new- It happens already.

Oh that reminds me.. We got a call from Barry today.. said that Peter J's dad was on a safari down in Africa, but he wouldnt be coming back as he'd passed away.

Cause of death : Trampled by a rogue elephant.

Yep.. I'm serious.

What a way to go.. He was 80 i think, so he'd had a good life and had beaten most outcomes. But obviously an elephant was a too bigger thing to overcome..

Not to get too graphic; but to be blunt, Barry said they couldn't even have a proper funeral because there wasnt enough of Peters dad left to be put in a casket. So they had a traditional African ceremony, like burning and dancing around madly and then they chucked the remains of him off the side of the Victoria Waterfall.

That must be such a hard thing to cope with. A death of any kind is i suppose, but to think that your dad was trampled by an elephant.. bleh

-Oh A's going to keep her baby.. courts went with her to sort it out on tuesday but she decided against it.. hope shes okay =/

Hm.. havent heard from Chris for a while.. he's probably buy with univerisity and work and stuff. But hm.. *sigh*

<3 much love'n stuff inbetween/do me a favor and dont get trampled by a rogue elephant

hugs: (2)

what a cow
Date: Oct 3rd, 2005 2:51:09 am - Subscribe
Mood: fluffy
my anti-drug <33: 'four words to choke upon' - bullet for my valentine

I got a nice awakening this morning... A cow escaped from the hill a little way up the street, ran into my neighbours front garden then galloped into the patio around the front of our house. Wtf. I didn’t ask to live where the cows roam freely.

I believe I want to move.

It’s not actually the fact that the town is small and resembles a large peculiar farm. It’s probably the fact that this town is so small that ‘everyone’ knows your business. Right down from your parents, to your friends, to your enemies, to the usual plain passers-by and also right down to that strange guy in the plaid shirt with the runny nose.

Pfft, no hope for me here

hugs: (3)

..and it falls down
Date: Oct 2nd, 2005 4:34:09 am - Subscribe
Mood: eh
my anti-drug <33: \'dont call it a come back\' - motion city soundtrack

meh.. im getting so much better at fighting the future

Coz.. I said so

Talked to Jemma this morning.. well actually the cow woke me up at the un-godly hour of 10am. Why on earth does she feel the need to txt me 'so' early. Everybody should know by now im not a morning person. And i have the patience of a cat being teased with a gigantic piece of string. Which could be a lot worse if i wasn't so nice. Agreed?

Yesterday was kinda crapola, wanted to go to rotaz for a shop around with some mates, but ended up going to rotaz in a mood with my mum and the red-head. Didnt buy anything coz i forgot my money doesnt transfer into my account on the weekend.. bah humbug

But! Im happy.. just coz i heard from Chris last night.. and to me thats a reason worth smiling about =)

On my random ramble.. It's raining *sigh* i might go up the cemetery later if it keeps raining like this. Havent been up there since his birthday.. whoa which is exactly 2months ago today.

Time goes so fast

x



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nothing
Date: Sep 29th, 2005 12:30:49 am - Subscribe
Mood: stuck
my anti-drug <33: 'Martini Kiss' - Senses Fail

You know when you think everythings going fine? You feel so on top of the world, nothing can bring you down coz you feel so 'above' everthing else. And next thing you know you're wondering where that imense feeling of euphoria escaped to.

I'm not usually one to be brought down, I'm usually the one that grins with a lost stare and makes people believe that "everything's going to be okay" But I just can't hack this right now.

I've got my best mate practically depressed coz another one of our friends just lost her boyfriend (car accident) ..just after she had cheated on him and got herself pregnant to another guy. It's kinda hit us all hard. Nothing seems to be going right for her.

Also makes you wonder who you can really trust when you find out yet another one of your friends has been lying to you for the past god knows how many months, about something that shouldn't even matter. But the principles still there. Why did she have to lie for so long?

I'm pretty much over school at the moment, it's still the holidays and I'm dreading going back.. I mean end of year exams are just around the corner! *sobs* ..But then I'm spending xmas and new year in the uk so that's going to be awesome ..Kinda can't wait to get away from this hole of a town

Spending the night round Courtz place *yay* I haven't seen her since Thursday.. such a long time gone (heh) But I think it's what we need at the moment, a night of corny horror movies and some popcorn. All good.


<3


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someday, someday..
Date: Sep 27th, 2005 11:11:35 am - Subscribe
Mood: reminiscent
my anti-drug <33: 'Hey There Delilah' - Plain White T's

..Thought I'd start this lil blog.. mainly out of boredom, curiousty and a weird feeling that someone just 'might' take an ever so small interest in my daily dramas

Well its 11:08pm. I just spent the last three days helplessly swept off my feet by my bf who lives up in auckland. I still feel all tingly thinking about him. I'm so happy he came down here, its unbelievable really. He drove about 4 hours, plus nearly had a tree drop on his car (now thats commitment! ha) First time i met him none the less, from 5 months of txting and calling eachother he finally got the time to come down here.. I was overly apprehensive, I mean so many things could have gone wrong! But they didnt.. and he's everything I seriously thought he'd be.. If not more.

Not to mention out of my dreamy mood on the sunday morning I managed to flood the bathroom.. *gasp* im such an idiot. So mum wasnt very pleased with me.. (well I wasnt exactly pleased with myself either.. trust me to go and flood the bathroom..) But it got sorted.. and I met Chris at Stoneham Walk about two hours later and yea..

I'm 'so' not the type to go into the upmost detail about everything that happened, so I'll leave it at this. Two days of being with the guy I really feel I love and the best feeling was having his arms around me and then whispering that he's never going to let me go..

I want this to work out so much and I believe it can if we're strong enough. To be honest I've never particularily had faith in long distance relationships. The whole constant 'longing' for the other person can really bring you down when you hardly ever see eachother. But at the end of the day, I 'will' be seeing him.. and atleast he's only a 4hour drive/40min plane trip away. It could be worse and I really think he's worth it

Well.. I think I'm gonna flop into bed, really knackered and Jemma expects me to get up early tomorrow to go over to her place.. pfft, she's got another thing coming (^_^)

anyways..

<3 lotsa luv'n stuff in between
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