Episode 6
Date: Jun 17th, 2005 7:19:56 am - Subscribe
Mood: great
OMG! Sorry guys. I'm still here!! I've just been having trouble with my laptop and I haven't been able to come online much, I've also had friends and family stay at my flat etc etc.
I'm still doing really well, I'm really improving on running, and I have to say that running with light weights does wonders for your arms.
I've had to replace my clothes AGAIN! it's the third time this year. Not a bad thing as far as I am concerned, I love clothes and I love to shop and loosing weight is always good in my book. So I guess I cant complain!
I have a new goal date, it's 21st September, I'm going to see Eminem on that date and my best friend is traveling up from the other side of the country to see him with me. And I want to look hot. I have another 25 pounds to loose so I think it's a pretty realistic goal.
I don't have anything to complain about at the moment. Apart from the fact that I'm running low on ephedrine... 
I hope all of you are keeping well. I will go round and visit you now.,
Luv ya!
J
Comments: (1)
Triggers
Date: May 25th, 2005 9:57:29 am - Subscribe
Mood: reminiscent
I just replied to a thread on the Lunchbox forum about triggering moments. I thought I would copy past it here as a reminder.
Trigger Number 1
When I was at high school a particular girl used to call me Annie because she thought it sounded like anorexia (yeah, whatever. I know). People used to call me skinny and I was oblivious it why I was so skinny and I did't know why people made so many comments. The fact of the matter was I did so much exercise and I hardly hate. I was looking at some pics from that time in my life and compared them to pics of 6 months ago and I just cried my heart out. To make matters worse I worked out my BMI from then turns out it was 19 (!)
Trigger Number 2
so my weight went up from 2001-2002 then I lost so much weight and my mum took me aside one day and said J look at you you're wasting away, look after yourself honey, I'm concerned
Then I fell pregant, slit up with boyfriend and gained it all back due to depression
Trigger Number 3
Also the night I declared to my family that I was loosing weight my dad took me back to my flat in the car he said promise me you won't get as thin as you were before, you don't know how much you scared me, I was so worried for you you looked anorexic
Trigger Number 4
A particular pic of me when I was 16. I was working in Bath and Body Works at the time and someone managed to capture a pic of me. It was a sideways pose and I swear to god I almost DISAPEARED from that angle.
Trigger Number 5
an ex saying to me I looked perfect when I was skinny while my folks said I was too thin.
Trigger Number 6
My skinny Gap jeans.
Comments: (2)
Episode 5
Date: May 23rd, 2005 6:27:35 pm - Subscribe
Mood: Fucking huge!
I can't be bothered to log what I ate over the weekend. It involved lots of salad and raspberries and Avada tea.
Good news! I got some ephedrine today. So I'm happy about that. I love The Ephedrine.
OMFG!!!! I bought some scales. After saying that I didn't want to weigh myself and thst I was scared to find out how might I weighted. Well I was in the shop and I had a bit of spare cash to spend. I figured I could buy them and I didn;t nesserilly have to use them.
Wel curiousity got the better of me and I went for it. Let's just say I cried. I ran off to the bathroom had a shower and cried (that way you can't hear anything),
After much thought, I cam to the conclusion that it was probably a good thing that I bought the scales, I'm looking it as a reality check. I thought I was doing ok but I'm clearly not.
So here's the deal. It's time to step up the game and by that I mean I have t work harder and eat less and stay committed and really focused. Also, the scales is my friend. I will use it and it well keep me in check.
It doesn't seem so bad now.
I've decided to take up running. I'm not very good at it at the moment, but it was fun. I really felt good afterwards and proud of myself for hanging in there. Standing in the gym out of breath and pouring with sweat felt good in a way.
So that's my update for today.
Next time i will try and post my work out play list. I listen to so many different tyoes of music anything from pop to rock to dance to rnb.
J x*muwa*
Ps Tree trunk legs = fat thick legs. Not a good look as far as I'm concenrned.
Comments: (3)
Episode 4
Date: May 17th, 2005 7:32:35 pm - Subscribe
Mood: fat
Sunday
Breafast - Aveda peppermint tea
Lunch - Aveda peppermint tea
snacks - Aveda peppermint tea
Exercise - A long walk in the park
Pills and supplements - Kelp + HydroLean.
Monday
Breakfast - Pineapples
Lunxh - Tomato soup
Snacks - Mothing
Exercise - Walking to work and 1 hoour 30 at thhe gym
Pills and supplements - Kelp + HydroLean.
Tuesday
Breakfast - Pineapplea
Lunch _ chilcken Salad
Exercise - Gym and walk home
Pills and supplements - Kelp + HydroLean.
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Well I'm trying, i'm hitting the gym and I've worked really hard.
OMG! I'm running low on ephedra!!! I swear that stuff is the shit but it;s sure as hell hard to find! (damn you people that used it irresponcibly!!! damn you) I love it! it stops me feeling hungry and gives me a lot of energy. With out it I just get tierd really quickly, i work extra hard. It scary stuff though.
I think i know what keeps me to the gym, variation and a good gym playlist, guarenteed fun! But seriously, afterwards i fee so good, like all the days stress and impurities have been cleaansed out my body, it's a great feeling.
I should consider going back to pilates, it does wonders for the abs and i thought nothing could sort out my tree trunk legs but that sure as hell did. i highy recomend it.
I work in a really small office and it sucks. Every nootices what everyone is doing including what we're eating. So on friday my boss says the following...
I've noticed you're loosing a lot of weight again J.. that you've been very careful about what you eat...
Your doing great in fact it's very inspiring... your cleary not on a diet, i'm not trying to discourage you but be careful about what you;re doing you don't need to go to the gym so much... I would hate for you to get too thin again, you ruin your looks by being to thin..
A compliment I guess, but I swear, if people didn;t notice at work I wouldn't even it lunch. And I've done thhe whole sneaking out at lunchtime thing, it doesn;t work.
One particular person I work beside likes to sabotage all my hard work always buying me fucking food! we're talking bisuts, chocolate bars, crisps and all that crap. It just goes in the drawer and I have to clear it out on a regular basis to make it look like I've been eating it. But i hate it, I wish she would just leave me alone. Just because she's happy being heavy doesn;t mean I am, but each to their own I guess.
Lindsay Lohan is looking pretty fabulous these days. But not as good as Nicole in my opinion.
I just want to say I big thank you to all of you that have left comments for me. It's very sweet and I appreciate it. I try my best to read all your diaries and leave genuine comments.
Love to you all.
J x
Comments: (2)
Episode 3
Date: May 15th, 2005 9:47:42 am - Subscribe
Mood: forgetful
Ok, I have't been here for a couple of days and to be honest with you I really can't remember what's happened. There'll be no point in me trying too remember what I've eaten. But i have been sticking with the HydroLean. I swear that stuff works for me. Without it I eat like a beast!
I've been drinking Aveda teal all day today. i love it.
As of tomorrow, I really have to keep everything below 500 cals. Just like I used to. And go to the gym and work a lot harder. I'm reallly starting to slack on thhe weights. What I really need to do is build some lean muscle.
The weather is absolutely gorgeous today, I think I might go for a long walk in the park. Just me and my iPod.
Comments: (4)
Episode 3
Date: May 15th, 2005 9:46:32 am - Subscribe
Mood: forgetful
Ok, I have't been here for a couple of days and to be honest with you I really can't remember what's happened. There'll be no point in me trying too remember what I've eaten. But i have been sticking with the HydroLean. I swear that stuff works for me. With it I eat like a beast!
I've been drinking Aveda teal all day today. i love it.
As of tomorrow, I really have to keep everything below 500 cals. Just like I used to. And go to the gym and work a lot harder. I'm reallly starting to slack on thhe weights. What I really need to do is build some lean muscle.
The weather is absolutely gorgeous today, I think I might go for a long walk in the park. Just me and my iPod.
Comments: (0)
Episode 3 pt I
Date: May 11th, 2005 9:33:14 am - Subscribe
Mood: edgy
Breafast - Nothing
Lunch - green salad with chicken
snacks - Pistachio nuts and Mocha Frappuccino Light
Exercise - 45 minutes walk to work
Pills and supplements - Kelp + HydroLean.
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I know it's only mid-day, but I felt as if I should check in. I went to Starbucks at lunch, and I got a tall mocha Frappuccino. I can't believe it apparently has 140 cals. It's supposed to be light damn it!
For that, I guess I'm going to have to work extra hard at the gym.
I've decided that I'm going to go back to fasting over the weekend. From Friday night to Sunday night. It's easier at home because nobody is watching me. At work everybody watches what I eat and it drives me up the wall! I really don't know what gives anybody the right to comment on what I eat, I wish they would just keeping their fuicking opinions to themselves. It's hard enough to look like you're eating with out trying to eat if that makes any sense.
Nicole is looking fabulous as always!
[img]http://www.nicole-richie.org/gallery/events/cartier/018.jpg[img]
I better go I'm at work.
Comments: (1)
episode 2
Date: May 10th, 2005 6:48:52 pm - Subscribe
Mood: exasperated
Breafast - fresh Pineapples
Lunch - green salad with chicken
snacks - none
Exercise - 45 minutes walk to work and back home
Pills and supplements - Kelp + HydroLean.
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I should exercise more,
Depending on how early I get up I should go to the gym before work. If not I'm definatly walking.
The pills kept me awake for most of the night so I cut back a little. But they work, just like original formula Hydroxyvut. i love ephedra.
Comments: (0)
Episode 1 pt II
Date: May 9th, 2005 4:05:55 pm - Subscribe
Mood: adored
J'adore Nicole.
Comments: (0)
Episode 1
Date: May 9th, 2005 3:01:12 pm - Subscribe
Mood: Confused
Breafast - Nothing
Lunch - green salad with humrus
snacks - prawns
Exercise - 2 hours at the gym plus 45 minutes walk.
Pills and supplements - Kelp + HydroLean.
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I feel like I've been working for so hard at this for so long.
I don't understand why it's taking so long to loose the weight this time. Before, it was so easy and this time I'm doing exactly what I used to do but I'm not seeing the results.
May be I'm being impatient? Or may by it's going to take longer because I fucked my metabolism.
Who knows. Whatever it is I need to sort it out. What ever it takes I'll do it.
To be honest with you, I haven't a clue about how much I actually weigh. I've been going the gym for several months and I understand that muscle weights more than fat blah blah... I guess I do things by how I look. I actually petrifyed of scales. Sounds silly right? Seriously I am just can't go near them. i like so see my clothes hang of me and I like to see whether or not I can see more bone.
Every now and again I'll have thoughts about throwing up. Nothing "triggers" as such., but I just often remember how easy it was for me to do, i wonder if it would be so easy for me to do now.
I can't do it at work, I've never done that. I can't do it in the flat as my flat mate is always kicking about, trust me you can hear EVERYTHING! It's just it keeps entering my head now and again and over the past couple of weeks more frequently.
J
Comments: (1)