again, we are here. it's as if you've never really learned, doll. i am stronger now and that's a fact. i'm sure you've noticed. other than that though, what have you noticed? do you see me flinch when you turn away? i try so hard to keep a straight face. shouldn't you know by now, what i'm actually feeling? or have you let that get passed you too? have you completely forgotten who i am or what i supposedly mean to you?
i wonder if you'd miss me if i made this easier for the both of us. would you remember the good that you so exceptionally disregarded? or would you rather keep this shit up? loathing my flaws.
you're not so perfect yourself, angel.
the difference between you and me, i accept you, all of you, whole heartedly and love even your imperfections.
could it be your pride? is it something so important to you that you must prioritize your own ego with the risk of losing what you know can and has been making you happy? i know about pride. i'm all about pride. but somehow, it's always been a different case with you. i find that i don't need to be this brave, bold, domino harvey character with you. you are who i can be at my most vulnerable with. i have demolished the walls i had built in my growing years for the one person i allowed to get this close to me.
so do not give me that bull about pride.
or could it be..good grief..another ms.another? yes, it's crossed my mind. i can not even come close to explaining how i UNDERSTAND temptation..and through a lot of trial and error, i've learned to draw a line between thinking about it and actually doing it. i love you too much..but if this proves to be a round 2 with the kind of crap you threw at me 2 and a half years ago, i'm leaving your ass, skidmark.
i haven't cried. it's a feat for me. i know i'm stronger now fo'sho. what you're doing is frustrating more than anything but it is gradually hurting me. instead of sulking though, i'm finding i want to do things that would make me happy, make me laugh, make me forget your selfishness and for the lack of a better term, douchebaggery.
and because you have forbidden me to speak to you - as if you were the goddamn prince of bangladesh or something, i can only ask all my questions and make my assumptions here. here, where i don't find any solutions and just end up acknowledging how much you are getting to me.
i'm glad i have my friends. i'm glad that i have the pride and dignity to not allow the cut to get too deep. so yeah, you don't have to worry about me, baby. you're the one without enough balls to step up and say what you need to say.
i'm so close to just making this a done deal...and probably breaking down's a close second..but with the former, i am deathly afraid of the possible consequences that i choose not to weigh at the moment..and with the latter, sweetie, i just don't wanna come off as that pathetic girl again..i wanna be michael corleone, not freddy..
i've done what i can, i've tried as much as i see fit...so the ball's in your court now..sucks that you have that advantage...but honestly, love, in this episode we're in, i don't know if i'm willing to play with you..
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