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rebelheart night owl syndrome - Subscribe

song of last night: gold digger- kanye west

stayed out again til almost 5 last night after work

but the bad thing is i missed my alarm to get to class this morning at 11....bummer dude

so, yeah, another house party on saturday...should be excellent

went to perkins at 2 in the morning, talked with the po po's aka the po-lice

and apparently, even if i shake my ass like a sistah, i can never truly be black....that's very depressing for me...

oh well

"i aint sayin she's a gold digger, but she aint messin with no broke *****"
1 Comments
Mood: inadequate
music to listen to: gold digger- kanye west

rebelheart til 4 am Nov 14th, 2005 5:07:42 pm - Subscribe

i was alert, senses were clear

it was 4 am this morning

is it weird i was that lucid?

i found an apartment. something that seems to fit me

now i just need to fit the pieces together
1 Comments
Mood: lovely
music to listen to: i will follow you into the dark-death cab for cutie

rebelheart little livers Nov 13th, 2005 12:46:51 pm - Subscribe

my head is kinda pounding

and i think my liver is kinda tender, but maybe that's just my head

so maybe my new years was a little glorified

last night was fun

played a card game called hockey

and found that i am very openly loving to all people when i'm tipsy, i can't count how many times i said "i love you"

but i did get a punk rock mix out of it, because boys love me
4 Comments
Mood: sexy
music to listen to: shy-the olympic hopefuls

rebelheart normal Nov 12th, 2005 8:28:16 am - Subscribe

maybe they're back to normal?

i got invited to a house party tonight

think i might go



it will be good to clear my head
2 Comments
Mood: carefree

rebelheart the fucking history test Nov 10th, 2005 5:18:21 pm - Subscribe

so i didn't have sex with a historical figure, but i did write about sex

and laughed my ass off when i read all of my comments

although it made me think...who in history would you most like to have sex with?

hmm...ponder that for me

lol
3 Comments
Mood: appalled

rebelheart sweet annabelle... Nov 10th, 2005 2:19:42 am - Subscribe

am so effing tired and burnt out

lots of emotions in one narrow day

fucking history test tomorrow

just feel sick
4 Comments
Mood: desperate

rebelheart melancholy lovliness Nov 9th, 2005 12:21:14 am - Subscribe
so in no particular order, these are the songs and artists on my cd that i adore, and that i've been listening to like non stop for the past weeks...

just pretend-ben folds, ben kweller, ben lee
tiny vessels-death cab for cutie
falling-ben kweller
nice dream-radiohead
ilovetoloveyourlovemylove-self
sing-travis
moses-coldplay
chocolate-snow patrol
oceanside-the decemberists
butterfly-donovan frankenreiter
caught by the river-doves
honestly-zwan
shy-the olympic hopefuls
king of yesterday-jude
guitar-cake
norwegian wood-the beatles
transcontinental-pedro the lion
12.23.95-jimmy eat world
she's only happy in the sun-ben harper
collide-howie day

i love that mix
god
0 Comments
Mood: hurt

rebelheart my mix Nov 8th, 2005 5:29:05 pm - Subscribe
i love this mix i made myself

i call it melancholy lovliness

its got so many really good artists on it, its excellent

and well

there are things i need to discuss with people to get straight for me next semester

god
3 Comments
Mood: hurt

rebelheart ishy Nov 7th, 2005 2:13:17 pm - Subscribe

i feel like crap

i don't want to go to school next semester

i have to wait til the 21st to see someone, hopefully i can hold out that long.

i hate the person i've become, shut off from my friends and family

i know they don't want to see me this way, so i just put on a different face....its sad

i feel lost
2 Comments
Mood: down
music to listen to: just pretend-the bens

rebelheart color change Nov 6th, 2005 11:28:23 pm - Subscribe

i'm a horrible hypocrit

early this morning, or last night, either way you want to look at it, i was with pack and i was in the apartment building next to his...

i found myself intoxicated, i talked to him

i shouldn't have

my mother is pissed at me, i'm pissed at me.
i set myself up for this all the time. i keep going in for the heartbreak

maybe i'm scared of being alone

but he's been in my life for a year! a whole year, maybe i'm disillusioned

but honestly, maybe i'm just a sucker for punishment, maybe i am....fuck it

i need to decide, then there is no turning back
0 Comments
Mood: haunted
music to listen to: caught by the river- doves

rebelheart WHOA Nov 5th, 2005 10:56:02 pm - Subscribe

BULLDOGS WIN 4-3!!

over the gophers!!

guck the fophers baby!!!


HAHA!!

MY BOYS ARE BACK!!!

woot, and more
1 Comments
Mood: fan-fucking-tastic!!
music to listen to: boyfriend-ashlee simpson

rebelheart a friday night sight Nov 5th, 2005 12:05:39 am - Subscribe
bulldogs tied the game in overtime...it was awesome.

watched batman begins, oddly, am turned on by batman's voice...hmm

there's a fog in my mind, i'm trying to get through, i wonder if i can

mostly, just thinking i guess.
0 Comments
Mood: sweet

rebelheart big me Nov 3rd, 2005 2:22:54 pm - Subscribe

i made a new start for me.

sorry if you don't understand, its for me.

something i needed to do.

i don't expect people to understand, maybe i'm impossible to understand, you can't be an expert on me

maybe this time, i'll be serious and leave

maybe i can disappear
0 Comments
Mood: toxic

rebelheart questions of life Nov 2nd, 2005 2:12:10 pm - Subscribe

"do you think that this could work out?
do you think you could come all around,
do you think that this could work out again?"

just news.

good or bad, who knows

i'm thinking of going and living with my aunt next semester in virginia.

that just might be easier all together

so who cares if i'm taking the easy way out

because i'm sick and irrational, this damn cold is sucking every bit of energy out of me.

i can't deal with it
1 Comments
Mood: left
music to listen to: tool sheds and hot tubs- straylight run

rebelheart the hallowed eve of a saintly morning Nov 1st, 2005 1:29:03 am - Subscribe

halloween was a letdown

but it had its perks

hopefully all saints day will be better.

people were betting on me

i think its funny that someone thought i had more resolve than i actually do.

haha next tuesday my ass.

i think the main reason was because his dad said he was a dumbass...that helped a lot
0 Comments
Mood: meh

rebelheart long days Oct 30th, 2005 2:28:21 pm - Subscribe

i went to a family wedding last night. it was kinda weird.

my great uncle marvin is kind of open with his sex life. that was just wrong. i was traumatized last night.

but i danced with both my uncles, jeff and greg. that was nice.

my relatives thought i was a friend of my mom's...and one of them told me she remembered me with red hair...but alas that was my mother too. lol

friday and saturday i kept checking my phone...maybe it was out of habit, maybe not.

went to bed early last night, even for me. 10. got up this morning at the ungodly hour of 7 because someone didnt set the clocks to the right time...that was brutal.

anyway. i guess i'll see what happens.
1 Comments
Mood: sick
music to listen to: carry on wayward son-kansas

rebelheart mm-mm Oct 28th, 2005 11:47:41 pm - Subscribe

i miss him ok?

i hung out with my friends all night, but all i could do was think about him

i'm mad at him

what he did was wrong, and i don't have to like him right now, and i'm mad

but why can't i stop thinking about him?

maybe he was right, maybe we can't be just friends...is it that hard?

this is going to be a long weekend
2 Comments
Mood: done
music to listen to: bankrupt on selling-modest mouse

rebelheart over Oct 27th, 2005 12:15:14 am - Subscribe

i just needed time to think.

and he broke up with me.

i was just thinking, i pulled away because i was thinking, ok?

but now its over, maybe its better this way.

but it still hurts

i can't stop crying
4 Comments
Mood: disoriented

rebelheart the decision Oct 26th, 2005 1:13:31 pm - Subscribe
i just had lunch with him, rather, he had lunch i just had an italian soda.

things were different. its just not the same. if things were meant to be it would have clicked. things stopped clicking.

i'm not comfortable anymore.

i guess i've made my decision, now i just have to tell him.

i'm a bitch
0 Comments
Mood: destructive
music to listen to: waiting line- zero 7

rebelheart its a break. Oct 26th, 2005 1:31:05 am - Subscribe
ben and i are on a break, til saturday. but i think it might count for longer because i'm going to be going to a family wedding out of town on saturday and will be gone until sunday.

everything moved so fast, it scares me, and monday night was not something that i enjoyed, plus i don't even know what it will be like being a roommate with him...that scares me.

it will be him and i with no place for me to go if things get out of control...for a year.

there was lots of flirting tonight at work, i'm not sure how i get myself into these things, sometimes i wish that i wasn't tied down at all, not that i am tied down, but it feels more serious than it seems, and i don't like that.

is it love when you're afraid? i think maybe that's my problem, i like the attention, then it gets old, and you want to move on, because there are so many things about that person that you find annoying and just rude, and yet, you aren't sure whether or not you just want to break things off, or just see if you can get over those things...

i'm so confused, and tired.

night or morning i guess
2 Comments
Mood: nonchalant
music to listen to: stars-switchfoot