Change, Regret, and Forever.
Date: Sep 13th, 2008 4:09:27 pm - Subscribe
Mood: abnormal
Change is constant.
Change is everywhere.
Change is everyone
and everything.
It is really hard to come to terms with the fact that people change... all the time. Sometimes, the people that they become clash with our new personalities. It really is sad. But I can't blame it on anyone, because I am experiencing a new change within myself every day. People say that a true friendship will last forever, and I really dont think that's true.
I have had my fair share of "true" friends. Actually, delete those quotation marks. They were really TRUE friends. But, we changed. We grew apart. And here it is, happening again. One of my closest friends has begun. I guess I am happy for her, to finally be finding herself. I just really dont agree with the person shes becoming and the direction she is going. But, I cant stop it. Nor would I want to. I am happy for the both of us. I am not changing my lifestyle to become her best friend again.
The point is. people change, people grow apart. As hard as that is to deal with, we have to...I have to. But while dealing with that, it makes you realize the things that you took for granted when you were still close. I hate the fact that I take so many things for granted. My boyfriend Zack, is one of the greatest things to ever enter my life. He supports me in everything I do, I am completely comfortable around him, and he loves me unconditionally. Yet, I am constantly taking him for granted and getting angry and being a complete bitch.
One day, we could grow apart, and I would have so many regrets. I dont want that. I want to always have him and the experiences we share to be untarnished by anything. I want them to be beautiful.
Now, this makes me think. Why? If everyone changes, is there the word FOREVER. I thought about it, and came to this conclusion.
It must be possible, to change ... together. People must change, but in a way that their surroundings arent affected and they still fit where they left off.
A real lasting relationship or friendship, is when you've both found yourselves, and still fit perfectly together. Forever has to exist or else families would constantly be breaking apart.
That really leaves me with a better view on things.
All together.
Change will always be.
You may lose people during the process.
So don't take things for granted.
Don't leave those relationships with any regrets.
Don't leave this world with any regrets.
Forever can happen,
if you do it together.
<3
Comments: (1)
Here we go.
Date: Sep 1st, 2008 9:59:17 pm - Subscribe
Mood: excited
I know I haven't updated this in a while. Really, I have just been doing a lot of thinking. I should have written about it all in here, because it would have been really interesting to see how it all turned out. But here I am, a month later, with nothing written but what I am about to write. Oh well. I am not that disappointed in myself.
Well actually, I am. A little. But not because I didnt write. A few entries ago I talked about the reason for my tattoo. Seize the day, becoming a new person kind of thing. Well, I am changing, which is part of it. But, as soon as school started, the old me did too. The fact that I can change back so quickly really made me realize I HAVE NO IDEA WHO I REALLY AM.
I thought I did. I really thought that. BUt it turns out, I just knew who I was, which really wasnt me at all...if that makes any sense.
I mean, I know who I WANT to be. That really means nothing though. I mean, in the scheme of things, I think I need to know who I am first, before changing myself to what I want to be. I really need to step back and re-evaluate a few things. When school starts, I become a monster with gossip. I
t is terrible. And the worst part is, the one person I talk about the most, is someone I used to really care about. Actually, someone I still care about. My old best friend, really meant a lot to me. She is going through a rough time right now, and I thought I could be there for her, but she doesnt want my help. I figured this would be the one thing to put our friendship back together, but it wasnt.
This is what has really made me rethink things. Our friendship ending was partly my fault, and I hate that. It's part of the reason I am trying to change. I really hurt people sometimes, and its terrible. I talk about people to avoid the problems I am facing in my own life. I talk about people when they have hurt me. I talk about people when I love them but am afraid to show it. I talk about EVERYONE I have ever met. Trust me, I have gossiped about you if I know you.
It probably isnt even because I dont like you though. I was probably jealous, hurt, resentful. WHATEVER. I am over it. The release gossip and drama brings is only temporary. Its not worth losing people over.
Its really time that I grow up.
Its really time that I get over myself.
Its really time I stop creating drama.
Its time to show my true feelings.
Its time to find out who I truly am...
I wonder how this will turn out.
Wish me luck....
<33
Comments: (1)
Off.
Date: Jul 29th, 2008 9:37:58 am - Subscribe
Mood: thoughtful
School is starting soon, and I have to say, I don't have the horrible feeling a would normally have. Naturally, I don't want to re enter the place that torments me with constant busy-work, never-ending rules, and non stop drama, but for some reason, I am not dreading it.
For one, the drama scene, isn't really for me anymore. I know it's really cliche and all but I really feel like a bigger person this year. I am not going to take part in the tempting but horribly humiliating "Wilson Drama"
I am telling you, if you don't go to Wilson, you don't know what drama really is.
This year, hopefully I am going to focus on my school work. I have really been thinking about what I want to do with my life lately, and I have no idea. That makes it more neccessary for me to work hard at EVERYTHING. I think I want to write. But not for something superficial like VOGUE or SEVENTEEN, although i do love the magazines. I also, would hate writing in a newspaper column, although that's probably where I would have to start out. I want to write to inspire. I want to change things. I want to change people. I want my writings about my thoughts and daily struggles to really give someone that push they really need to either change themselves or change the world.
I can't really figure out where I would go with this though. Writing a book is really overrated and it takes too long. Plus, what would I call it?? I dont think I could come up with a name that really says what its all about. And when I would come up with that name, it wouldnt catch anyones attention.
Thats what I hate about titles. I really dont think books should have titles. Because honestly, the best titles are on those stupid romance novels at the grocery store. Do you know what I am talking about?? The ones at the ends of the aisle or in the 1 dollar box. The ones where just looking at the cover makes you feel trashy? I hate those. But without knowing what it was about, would you pick between "Catcher in the Rye" or "Midnight Secrets by the Lake" haha. Well Catcher in the Rye sounds really lame to me. I guess the other title does too, but I think you get it. I know I do.
The point is, books shouldnt have titles.
Wow, I am really off topic. So, my book wouldnt have a title. People would pick it up then. Maybe I will write a book then. A title less novel. Probably not.
Wow, I am still really far off topic.
So lets end it with....
umm...
I am not dreading the fact that school is starting because I am truly excited about the rest of my life.
[=
Comments: (3)
Work of Art
Date: Jul 22nd, 2008 12:01:55 pm - Subscribe
Mood: Full of ideas
i am seriously considering whether or not a could create a masterpiece. I am not sure of the way in which this masterpiece would be created, but i am considering doing it. I just have this undeniable urge to create. I am horrible at art. My mom told me I should be a photographer. I explained that I would never want to be the person to capture the moment. I want to be the person in it. Photographers constantly miss out on the things they are snapping away at. The picture doesnt do it. To feel it, you cant just be watching through a lense. That's why i really wouldn't be good a such a thing.
Every time I go outside, I see something beautiful. Something that I have to stop and stare at. A tree, the moon, a flower. I want to mimic all of these things. If I cannot create something beautiful, I want to be it. I think thats the route I am going to take. To be my own work of art. Not necessarily by getting tattooed (although that is something I will eventually do more of) or wearing horrendous amounts of make-up and expensive clothes, but by becoming something new to the world. Something it has never seen. I am constantly having random and impossible thoughts and dreams. I want to chase them, no, not chase. Follow. I hate running. 
I truly just want to create something incredible.
I just figured out that it could be me.
Comments: (2)
jodi
Date: Jul 20th, 2008 9:18:39 pm - Subscribe
Mood: smiley
family is essential. A lot of people think that I must have a seriously dysfunctional family based on my living situation. Really though, my family and I are incredibly close. I slept over at my moms last night and I truly realized how amazing and supportive she is.
We have our fights, trust me. But in the end, I am closer with her now, than most girls are with their moms ever. Our relationship is probably something you dont see very often. She knows everything that goes on in my life and gives me advice and love that keeps me going. She pushes me in directions that I know I should be going, even if I dont follow them sometimes. Not living with my mom has actually strengthened and already strong relationship. When she asks me the age old "How was school?" I can't wait to tell her, because I actually have a lot to say. I love having a mom that cares about me enough to not criticize the things I do, and the things I do wrong. There are plenty of parents that I know dont really trust her to make good decisions with me, based on the fact that we dont live together. I would just like to say, that her parenting exceeds any other mothers. She is letting me live with my sister, so I can stay at the school and city I want to be in. She lets me make my own mistakes instead of never letting me spread my wings. She lets me fall, but always lets me know she'll be there to catch me. She is a definate hero of mine.
That's really what a family should be.
ALL of my family is amazing. This includes Andy, my Dad, jade, and dylan. But mainly I just wanted to focus on my mom. Because I know that I used to really take her for granted.
She is the strongest woman I know.
Comments: (1)