waggy121's Blog

Here we go.
Date: Sep 1st, 2008 10:59:17 pm - Subscribe
Mood: excited


I know I haven't updated this in a while. Really, I have just been doing a lot of thinking. I should have written about it all in here, because it would have been really interesting to see how it all turned out. But here I am, a month later, with nothing written but what I am about to write. Oh well. I am not that disappointed in myself.

Well actually, I am. A little. But not because I didnt write. A few entries ago I talked about the reason for my tattoo. Seize the day, becoming a new person kind of thing. Well, I am changing, which is part of it. But, as soon as school started, the old me did too. The fact that I can change back so quickly really made me realize I HAVE NO IDEA WHO I REALLY AM.
I thought I did. I really thought that. BUt it turns out, I just knew who I was, which really wasnt me at all...if that makes any sense.

I mean, I know who I WANT to be. That really means nothing though. I mean, in the scheme of things, I think I need to know who I am first, before changing myself to what I want to be. I really need to step back and re-evaluate a few things. When school starts, I become a monster with gossip. I
t is terrible. And the worst part is, the one person I talk about the most, is someone I used to really care about. Actually, someone I still care about. My old best friend, really meant a lot to me. She is going through a rough time right now, and I thought I could be there for her, but she doesnt want my help. I figured this would be the one thing to put our friendship back together, but it wasnt.

This is what has really made me rethink things. Our friendship ending was partly my fault, and I hate that. It's part of the reason I am trying to change. I really hurt people sometimes, and its terrible. I talk about people to avoid the problems I am facing in my own life. I talk about people when they have hurt me. I talk about people when I love them but am afraid to show it. I talk about EVERYONE I have ever met. Trust me, I have gossiped about you if I know you.

It probably isnt even because I dont like you though. I was probably jealous, hurt, resentful. WHATEVER. I am over it. The release gossip and drama brings is only temporary. Its not worth losing people over.
Its really time that I grow up.
Its really time that I get over myself.
Its really time I stop creating drama.
Its time to show my true feelings.
Its time to find out who I truly am...

I wonder how this will turn out.

Wish me luck....


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