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whoa my other screenname got banned here so i guess its time to start over. well to all those people i am so damn fuckin sorry but its really fun to take all your frustrations on other people you dont know besides i really need to get a fuicking new hobby and yeah i will always be a writer |
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cry me an ocean of tears....and i'll let the blood spill. why does it have to be like this? youve been messing with my head for awhile now dont you know how it feels like to have an emotion tortured for like over six months, or maybe you do, just dont wanna show it. how long do i have to suffer like this internally? tell me; so i could just let go one second of my breath the day before the last time i see your face once more. you are the biggest tease ever that keeps preocccupying my mind. if only i had the guts to steal you from that fucker,if it only has a way but did i ever do it? even if it really does fucking kills me inside i wont do it because that is not the real way to make me happy, and so to you also. i always wanted you to be happy even if there is some kind of a virgin sacrificial blood involved and i would never ever sabotage a relationship like that. if only i had something, some sort of way to make things better.as i would like to say "i came into the wrong place and at the wrong time".or maybe what just a fucking coincidence as they would all say.... to get into your heart in a possible way but i am just me, i can be better than anyone else i can think of but i am still me. i mean not in a bad sort of way but somehow you had been the primary essence of who i am. like in you- i have found so much inspiration out of it. and now i dunno how many times i put up with your baggage.with all this reccurring drama around me yet still i am here for you. just to prove something that i cant.i care about you and that is all that matters and i know you are so sick of hearing this but concurrently thats all that's been stuck in my head. i dont even care what these other friends say what they think about me; looking like a lunatic, going after someone else's sloppy seconds, or leftovers. but fuck them, i never reven looked at you like a sexual buffet and besides i never really cared what anyone thinks, what anyone says and it bothers me the least...you were never easy.not to me coza youve been torturing me for about how many months now. i know i mustve been called stupid/idiot/dumb/dork coz i passed on an opportunity with a couple a hot chics but not.ok i know whats in your mind that i am playing around, putting out all of my frustrations out of this to every other girl that i picked on but guess what you are wrong!. it mightve been an easy way of telling me to move on the hell out of this emotion but not. whooa, i cant believe i put henna on the friend's zone and every other girl you knew on my list. just coz i dunno if i am making a bad choice here.i only want one girl that i can never have..that one burning desire who keeps the flame in my head alive and my heart punding with every beat of unsatisfiable emotions/ and yeah this other girl tabitha who's constantly messing with my head right now and now i know its all coming back to me again.she wont stop telling me lies on how she was confined in a hospital, blah,blah,blah...and i cant believe she slit the letter "W" on her left hand, which is too obvious stands for Warlock none the least. why is drama always chasing me? do i really deserve all this sorts of shit, i mean not just with her and her stupid topics about her ex but everywhere i go, people wants to keep die, sick of their life or are always in trouble and it sucks coz i cant even help them as i was helpless as i could be to myself.god if you only knew how much i fucking love you as in i would eat worms with you and yeah shoot some squirrels in the lawn or something.but who knows if i'll ever see you again.i feel like my days are being numbered already as of the start of this year. and all i could say to myself is maybe im just better off without you..i dont even want to see anyone.it looks like im not into trusting anyone right now since everyone is giving me hell. god Eileen, if you only knew how much i loved you. |
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cry me an ocean of tears....and i'll let the blood spill. why does it have to be like this? youve been messing with my head for awhile now dont you know how it feels like to have an emotion tortured for like over six months, or maybe you do, just dont wanna show it. how long do i have to suffer like this internally? tell me; so i could just let go one second of my breath the day before the last time i see your face once more. you are the biggest tease ever that keeps preocccupying my mind. if only i had the guts to steal you from that fucker,if it only has a way but did i ever do it? even if it really does fucking kills me inside i wont do it because that is not the real way to make me happy, and so to you also. i always wanted you to be happy even if there is some kind of a virgin sacrificial blood involved and i would never ever sabotage a relationship like that. if only i had something, some sort of way to make things better.as i would like to say "i came into the wrong place and at the wrong time".or maybe what just a fucking coincidence as they would all say.... to get into your heart in a possible way but i am just me, i can be better than anyone else i can think of but i am still me. i mean not in a bad sort of way but somehow you had been the primary essence of who i am. like in you- i have found so much inspiration out of it. and now i dunno how many times i put up with your baggage.with all this reccurring drama around me yet still i am here for you. just to prove something that i cant.i care about you and that is all that matters and i know you are so sick of hearing this but concurrently thats all that's been stuck in my head. i dont even care what these other friends say what they think about me; looking like a lunatic, going after someone else's sloppy seconds, or leftovers. but fuck them, i never reven looked at you like a sexual buffet and besides i never really cared what anyone thinks, what anyone says and it bothers me the least...you were never easy.not to me coza youve been torturing me for about how many months now. i know i mustve been called stupid/idiot/dumb/dork coz i passed on an opportunity with a couple a hot chics but not.ok i know whats in your mind that i am playing around, putting out all of my frustrations out of this to every other girl that i picked on but guess what you are wrong!. it mightve been an easy way of telling me to move on the hell out of this emotion but not. whooa, i cant believe i put henna on the friend's zone and every other girl you knew on my list. just coz i dunno if i am making a bad choice here.i only want one girl that i can never have..that one burning desire who keeps the flame in my head alive and my heart punding with every beat of unsatisfiable emotions/ and yeah this other girl tabitha who's constantly messing with my head right now and now i know its all coming back to me again.she wont stop telling me lies on how she was confined in a hospital, blah,blah,blah...and i cant believe she slit the letter "W" on her left hand, which is too obvious stands for Warlock none the least. why is drama always chasing me? do i really deserve all this sorts of shit, i mean not just with her and her stupid topics about her ex but everywhere i go, people wants to keep die, sick of their life or are always in trouble and it sucks coz i cant even help them as i was helpless as i could be to myself.god if you only knew how much i fucking love you as in i would eat worms with you and yeah shoot some squirrels in the lawn or something.but who knows if i'll ever see you again.i feel like my days are being numbered already as of the start of this year. and all i could say to myself is maybe im just better off without you..i dont even want to see anyone.it looks like im not into trusting anyone right now since everyone is giving me hell. god Eileen, if you only knew how much i loved you. |
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----------------- Original Message ----------------- From: Kelli Date: Mar 15, 2006 9:39 AM Well DAMN man that is crazy!!! How do you get hooked up with crazy bitches like man? how do you do it? confusing... The raging boner if you were here i'm sure i could find something to do with that. LOL JK you know i love you. Ask that girl why she is pulling shit like that and trying to make your life miserable? I mean if she cared for you she wouldnt be doing any of that stuff would she? Or maybe she is just crazy... i'm not to sure... but you need to stop hooking up with those crazy emo kids they need meds hun I love you and i will talk with you later k hugs and kisses Kelli!!! ( god i'm so awesome LOL ) ----------------- Original Message ----------------- From: dysfunctional_kid_number_one Date: Mar 14, 2006 1:03 PM dear kelli, i have a raging boner and i couldnt control it. hahahaha anyways whats up kid? how you been? fuck im getttin a new job working as security...i know sounds boring. well nothing much cool going on.this girl tabitha that i dated has been going on psycho on me.fuck she got herself overdosed with pills and carved my name in her hand.fuck i dunno what to do since she moved back to east coast.its been crazy.she tried messaging all my friends telling them to leave me alone and she did even tried to harass eileen.its really driving me nuts and all i could was not ignore it since she lived there in Mi. i cant do anything.it's like she's cursing me or something.fuck i cant believe people are doing this to me. |
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FUCK, I REALLY MISS EILEEN, LIKE IT FEELS LIKE FOREVER; WHEN'S THE NEXT TIME I'LL EVER GONNA SEE HER AGAIN.IT FEELS LIKE A BURDEN LIKE THE WAY SHE PUTS UP ON ME.SOMETIMES I WONDER WHY I AM SO STUPID LIKE THIS.YEAH LOOKING SO FUCKING STUPID FOR THE SAKE OF LOVE FOR ONE GIRL...FUCK I CANT BELIEVE I AM FEELING LIKE THIS.WHY AM I SO GULLIBLE? YEAH SHE BROKE MY HEART TENFOLD YET I STILL COME BACK FOR MORE; BELIEVING THAT THERE IS ALWAYS A CHANCE, YET I REALIZE THAT I AM FULL OF SHIT TOO. OK I WILL BE HONEST, LIKE THERE ARE JUST MORE THAN A COUPLE GIRLS IVE SLEPT WHEN SHE WASNT TALKING TO ME.YET I NEVER FUCKED THEM, JUST COZ SOMETHING MADE ME FEEL FUCKING GUILTY, ME SCREWING SOMEONE BEHIND YOUR BACK WHILE I AM TELLING YOU SO MANY "I LOVE YOU'S AND I MISS YOU'S" WOW I REALLY NEED TO GET THAT "BIGGEST JERK OF THE YEAR" AWARD. BUT YEAH I DUNNO WHEN IT COMES TO YOU ALL THIS BULSHIT SEEMS TO FADE AWAY,, LIKE I TRY TO BE THE REAL ME, THAT ONE SENSITIVE DORK WHO USED TO LOVE YOU AND ALWAYS DO.I AM ALWAYS THINKING OF YOU...NO MATTER WHERE I GO, WHO I'M WITH, WHAT VIDEOGAME I AM PLAYING OR WHAT COMIC BOOK I AM READING, IT IS ALWAYS YOU WHO COMES UP AS THE UNDERLYING TOPIC IN MY HEAD. GOD YOU HAVE GIVEN ME SUCH ENORMOUS AMOUNTS OF INSPIRATION YET I REALLY WANTED TO FORGET YOU/MOVE ON/VANISH/FADE AWAY FROM YOUR LIFE BUT I REALLY CANT COZ I WOULD RATHER HAVE YOU AS MY FRIEND THAN YOU TOTALLY GOING AWAY FROM MY LIFE WHICH IS SOMEHOW WHAT YOU'RE GONNA DO IN THE NEAR FUTURE.IF YOU ONLY KNEW HOW MANY GIRLS THAT I AM RECENTLY DATING THAT I DITCHED, COZ I DO KNOW I FIND ALOT MORE HAPPINESS WHEN I AM WITH YOU, LIKE I COULD BE THE REAL ME. THAT ONE DUDE WHO'S NOT AFRAID TO SAY SOMETHING/ACT/LOOK SILLY IN FRONT OF YOU, COZ I KNOW YOU ARE TOO.HEY EVEN THOUGH TABITHA IS HOTTER THAN YOU, I COULDNT CARE LESS ABOUT THAT PSYCHO BITCH.AND YEAH GUESS WHAT? SHE DOESNT LIKE YOU TOO. FUCK ITS MY MISTAKE IN THE FIRST PLACE BUT I DUNNO.I SHOULDVE NOT HOOKED UP WITH HER, BUT I KNOW THATS THE ONLY WAY TO FORGET YOU, TO MOVE ON AND SHIT.YET NOW HERE I AM, BACK TO ZERO , EVENTHOUGH YOU HAD A BOYFRIEND CURRENTLY, I STILL PUT UP WITH ALL THAT STUPID SHIT.ALL THE DRAMA AND WHAT NOT.FUCK YOU REALLY NEED TO FADE AWAY FROM MY LIFE AS IN RIGHT NOW.... THATS THE ONLY WAY OF PROVING TO MYSELF THAT I LOVE YOU BY LEARNING TO FORGET YOU, |