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gatwiri Knowing Me, Knowing You - Subscribe
Found this interesting set of questions while trawling the net. (Amazing what you can find). So, here are my answers...............

1. Your Fave Kenyan food

a. Without a doubt, hands down, it has to be Roast Meat (nyama choma). For one, our meat is not manufactured from hormones, just plain old, grass-eating, non-genetically modified members of the animal kingdom. E.g. cows, GOATS (yeah!!), sheep and chicken.

b. Food we eat with our hands - you know cutlery came to Africa on a boat!! This includes Ugali and sukuma wiki, chapu with meat stew, mukimo and meat stew, and the most common rice dish - pilau.

2. Your Fave Kenyan drink

a. Where the hell did Treetop juice go? I love Picana, that natural fruit juice from the mango trees of Coast, which are also not grown with hormones.

b. Kenyan Tea. Or rather "chai moshi" i.e. tea cooked over an open fire till it has a hint of smoke. Tea is a woman thing in Kenya.

3. Your Fave Kenyan TV program

a. For someone old school, i.e. from the days when there was one TV station, I remember with nostalgia "Vitimbi" esp. when the one and only Ojwang' was cast as a word-up (boy from the hood) and grooved to "In the club" (believe that!). There was also that scary program "Tahamaki" The Exorcist can't hold a candle to this freaky show.

b. Reflections - There was one REALLY fly dude who appeared for a while, but this program is Kenyan drama and comedy at its best.

c. Music Time - MTV and VH1 cannot compare to Fred Obachi Machoka hosting this programme.

If you are real old school, you know Kenyans have come from far, when it comes to TV and radio.

4. Your Top three four Kenyan hangouts

a. Ati some of us meet at Nairobi Java House, simply known as Java; just to eat their damn expensive but tasty ice cream. Nowadays they have competition from Dormans, which is another place for Kenyans to floss how high class we are (coz we are now drinking those espressos.)

b. Some of us meet outside Bata Hilton, or outside Nandos on Moi Avenue or outside Kenya Cinema. (I will never be caught dead there). Then we buy ice-cream from Steers for KShs 30.00 on Sunday and chips from Mc Fries.

c. Movie buffs will buy those overpriced hot dogs and pop corn at the theatre to eat at the ultimate hangout - the movies. Nowadays we are all high and mighty; we go to Prestige Plaza and Fox Cineplex (not 20th Century and Kenya Cinema like before)

5. Your Top Kenyan holiday destination

a. Shaggz (rural upcountry), for those who have never been to Mombasa,

b. the Nairobi National Park on 12th December (coz its free for Kenyan citizens),

c. And family get-togethers, to eat the aforementioned Kenyan foods.

6. Kenyan phrases I use a lot

a. Uria, bring me Kiria!! Loosely translated as - You, bring me that!!! (I live in Kikuyu land, what did you expect?)

b. Nimeangukia!! Loosely translated as, I'm lucky!!

c. You've LIED!! Loosely translated as, You've LIED!!

d. WACHA!! Loosely translated as an exclamation mark. (That's all it is, really)

7. Three things that non-Kenyans say about Kenya/Kenyans that you make you go "hmmmm"

a. Do you celebrate Christmas? Yes, WE CELEBRATE CHRISTMAS. And we also wish one another Merry Christmas, not Happy Holidays like the politically-correct, confused western world.

b. Do you have computers? Yes, we have computers, internet connections, TV, stone houses, Gucci shoes, but no McDonald's or Wal-Mart.

c. Are you a Maasai? No I am not!! There are 45 ethnic communities in Kenya so take your pick!!

8. three things about Kenyans/Kenya that make you go "hmmmm"

a. Kiss FM - I cannot stand this sorry but moneyed excuse for a radio station.(ok - I'm hating)

b. We are English-speaking but still not rich. I thought the colonialists shoved English down our throats so we can be capitalist and democratic and rich like them.

c. Our men's obsession with English football. Did our freedom fighters throw the British out of our country for us to idolize them from so far? (Its not like Arse-e-nal and Man-Useless players know where Kenya is)

d. BAD ROADS. (Its the painful truth)

9. three things about Kenya/Kenyans that non Kenyans should know

a. We are not all marathon runners, but the many who are will continue kicking ass on the track forever.

b. We are very well informed about world affairs. We will know much about the western world than the western world will ever know about us. (Any African can identify with this.)

c. We dont live in trees and walk around in loin cloths, but so what if we did? Our hot weather allows us to.

10. Complete this sentence: I am a Kenyan because:

a. I have a Kenyan birth certificate and national identity card

b. I love visitors

c. A party is not a party without nyama choma.
13 Comments
Mood: Really Thankful

gatwiri Banana Republic vs. Orange Revolution Sep 14th, 2005 2:01:19 am - Subscribe
And God created Kenya on the eighth day.

At least that's what I think, when I read the daily papers. We are one weird country!! Only 16 out of 222 "Honorable" Members of Parliament have a university education. However, you can argue that leaders (as opposed to managers) do not necessarily need to be highly educated. Look at the list of the richest men in the world. They were all college dropouts (or they were told they would amount to nothing), and went ahead to make something out of themselves without a degree. (I have just finished my degree, so there goes any chance I have to be mega-rich. DANG!!) So why aren't we a rich country?

But all that aside, there is something BIG going down in Kenyaville. Yes! The Constitution Review. Our previous constitution was crafted by the British at independence. Some years later the current one was enforced. 40 years down the line, we need a new one, and on November 21, we will go into the first referendum ever in the country. It is now time to decide whether we want the new constitution or not.

The run up to the referendum has brought out some of the most interesting traits of Kenyans that makes me love us so much. Nothing can be simple for us! We just have to complicate everything. In a referendum like this the question should be simple, "Tick YES or NO".

Kenyans, on the other hand, have to crank it a notch higher. The Electoral Commission ballot paper will bear the words, "I am For/ Nakubali" and "I am Against/ Napinga". There will also be a question and answer section with the question, "Are you for or against the ratification of the proposed new constitution?" What the heck? And that isn't the half of it.

The symbols to be used are Orange for No and Banana for Yes. This seemingly innocent choice has sparked the most comical debate yet. The Electoral Commission Chairperson thought that Banana and Orange are relatively neutral symbols, but judging from the responses in the media, I beg to differ.

Some people think that we are being forced to choose between being a Banana Republic and enjoying an Orange Revolution like Ukraine. Someone else asks, "Must the fruits be ripe? Can they be genetically modified? What if someone is allergic to either one of the fruits? What of those who have never seen either fruit?" These are tough questions! Who can answer them?

Why Lie, I long for the good old days when a banana was a banana and an orange was an orange.

Drama aside, there are some benefits from this madness. One, fruit farmers are smiling all the way to the bank. Opposing camps are holding barazas (public meetings) where they dish out their preferred fruit. Feeding these crowds takes money. I envy these fruit farmers, they are making a killing!! This is probably the shortest path to an economic boom. (Free information - Our projected economic growth rate this year is 5%.) And as a bonus, at the current rate of fruit consumption, we are probably the healthiest nation on the planet.

Another benefit is that Kenyans are really talking about and discussing the proposed constitution. Just like the run-up to the last election in 2002, the air is filled with constitution talk and its impact on the future of the country. We are a generally well educated and talkative bunch, meaning the discussions are well thought out (I think!) and filled with legal jargon.

Thirdly, with our ever evolving Sheng (Kenyan slang), we don't just ask Yes or No, we ask "Are you Banana or Orange?" Kenyans!!

I think I'll continue eating oranges till November 21. Let's see what happens on that day.
1 Comments
Mood: amused
Talk, Opinion, Music, Life, Stuff: Life

gatwiri Of African women and Western Feminism Aug 24th, 2005 3:15:24 am - Subscribe
So I was reading an article in the sports section of the daily, where one of the correspondents at the Athletics meet in Helsinki reveals very interesting things about Finland. He/ She writes,

"And talking of Finnish men, they also happen to be a most humble people who are dutiful to their demanding women, who will put to shame some hot tempered Kenyan women. Here men change diapers, take children to school, cook, and even allow wives to go out at night for a good time with their friends. Some are also learning fast that an African woman is the last remaining precious gift on earth. Those who have hooked up with them can testify."

I was sooo tickled by this piece! Finnish men have seen the full wrath of feminism, and they are now house broken and totally domesticated. A man with an apron and a cooking spoon is soooo hot. Why don't Kenyan men get this fundamental fact??? However, before I get me a Finnish man, I need to remind myself that men are really all the same.

Patriarchic(al) societies all over the world dictate that women should take care of men. Since women are so warm and nurturing, they rose to the occasion and took care of the men; cooked, made babies, raise them, and kept the house clean, e.t.c. e.t.c. (I am told that a husband is in reality your first child, especially when he is ill.)

I think the problem came in when men took advantage of this gift and privilege of loving care, and made it their right. They then went on to build their esteem by beating down women. How many men refer to themselves as men because they beat their wives or have a bevy of Ms. Stresses?

Of course you cannot oppress a group of people forever. They get fed up; they come together, create a revolution, and pull you down from the dizzying heights of power. And voila, feminism was born. Men were brought back down to earth from their lofty perches, and women took over the reins of "power". Ask the Finnish men. And like the French royalty during the revolution, they totally ignored the signs. Talk about reversed roles!! LOL

Back to Africa. Women here still take great care of their men, which is all good. That is why the article states that Finnish men married to African women are eternally grateful to God. (And they should be!!). A Finnish dude once told me that he wants an East African woman, apparently because we are just awesome. (But do I say!!) Now I know why.

This is not to mean that feminism is not to be found in Africa. Like English, feminism also came to Africa on a boat. We have the upwardly mobile and very vocal Kenyan (African) woman, who knows what she wants and will not let anyone, especially a man, stop her from getting it. She is still very single (don't need no man), in the 35 and below age bracket. She reads the Kenyan edition of the Cosmo and can drink any guy under the table.

Feminism in my opinion has two strains: type A (appreciative) - where women fight for equality of the sexes by appreciating the importance of women, and type B (bitchy) - where women build their esteem by beating down men. Type B is more common nowadays. It is a case of reversed roles, where it is now the women who harass men to prove their feminineness.

Our poor men have been beaten down by this feminism strain, till they are practically impotent. Have you noticed how men are scared of giving their opinion of gender issues lest they are branded chauvinistic? They will only talk when their opinions agree with women's opinions. And on the rare occasion that they do, women will be quick to jump down their throats. I see this all the time.

This feminism will ride out the wave and we will see a return to male dominance because men will get tired and stage a revolution. Then we will be back to where we started, in the circle of life. LAWD help us!!
7 Comments
Mood: amused, tickled
Talk, Opinion, Music, Life, Stuff: Opinion, Life

gatwiri Africa and Civilization Aug 11th, 2005 6:59:56 am - Subscribe
I had gone on a trip some time in October 2004, where I met an American girl aged 11 years. Since we were travelling to Tanzania, we got into a discussion of the continent. So this little sweetheart asks me, in a cute voice, "Is Tanzania as civilized as South Africa?"

My heart palpitated rapidly and beads of (really) hot sweat broke out on my forehead. I could literally feel my ears getting hotter and hotter. I caught my breath and asked her, "WHAT!?". She said to me "My dad says South Africa is the most civilised country in Africa". LAWD! Apparently, her father is a Professor of African Studies or something like that. Either way, he has a PhD after "studying" Africa.

What do you tell this young one? Like me, she believes her father's intelligence is only second to God. I am like 6 feet tall, towering over the girl who asked this question so innocently. I really wanted to pinch her teeth, LOL, but that would not have sorted out the issue. I cannot honestly remember what I told her (I know I was seeing red), but that question has lingered in my mind like a bad smell.

The question is this, what are the criteria for a society to be civilised? Civilization is defined as "conversion from a barbaric or primitive state". In order to be civilized you must have been primitive at one time. Therefore, those countries that are not civilized are still barbaric or primitive.

But who am I kidding, this is how Africa is viewed. When another friend on the same trip went back home to America, she would tell people of the shopping malls and other "modern" things she had seen in Tanzania and South Africa. She later told me that the people she talked to did not believe her. Africa to them is still one big jungle.

I guess, to many people, civilisation means how "westernised" a country is. To be westernised, a country must replicate the lifestyle of the western world, from the clothing, to the music, to the technology. To be truly westernised, you need to go a step further from the material and adopt the ideologies and thought processes of the western countries, i.e. think and reason as they do.

In doing this, you reject your individuality and uniqueness as a country for a token appreciation of your "development". You will quite possibly get some aid assistance from the already civilised, economically powerful nations who "appreciate" the steps the country has taken to become more developed (read westernised)

I do not know what this girl expected to see when we got to the destination, but it sure isn't what she is used to at home. Tanzania doesn't have many of the things she is used to, like McDonalds, but South Africa does. Maybe South Africa is more civilised than Tanzania. In related issues, rumour has it that a person who wanted to open a McD's franchise in Kenya was told our potatoes are not of the required "quality". So clearly, we Kenyans are not there yet!!

Clearly, I have had it up to here with westernisation.
2 Comments
Mood: mad
Talk, Opinion, Music, Life, Stuff: Life

gatwiri Is there a co-relation between Language and Development in Africa? Jul 25th, 2005 1:08:23 am - Subscribe
Africa - the land of plenty of everything, except development. Since I love our continent so much, I spend time wondering about this development thing. Questions like why we are lagging behind, what is our future, stuff like that. :-) I have recently been pondering over the role of indigenous African languages and their role in Africa's development. As it happens, if you set out to find a justification for your theory, you will find one. This is an area where you cannot quantify variables, so I got to my conclusion by analyzing what I have experienced as a citizen.

Africa has around 3000 ethnic communities, which are loosely grouped into language families. E.g. Bantu, Niger-Congo. Most related languages may have had a root language from which they originated. The differences in "tune", pronunciation, and finer details may be a product of migration and interaction with surrounding communities.

One day it struck me that countries that are developed, (or on the way to development) use their own languages, e.g. the British use English, the Germans use German, the South Koreans use Korean, and the list goes on. By language, I mean what is taught in school and used in official communication.

Contrast this to Africa, where foreign languages have taken precedence over our own languages. Most African countries use English, French, and Portuguese as their official lingua franca. Many people cannot even write in their own languages.

Do you see the relationship? Developed countries - speak their own languages, while underdeveloped (Africa) - speak foreign languages.

The foreign languages are not the cause underdevelopment in African countries. Rather, it is the mentality that the prominence of the languages fosters. When a foreign language has such national stature above an indigenous language, it says that the indigenous language is "inferior" and ineffective, while the foreign language is obviously "superior".

Maybe this "inferiority complex" is what has some shoddy Africans faking any accent, British, American, Aussie e.t.c. This pathetic behavior has declined in Kenya (thankfully!) and a person who dares to fake an accent will be "shut down", so to speak.

Language also encompasses the values and beliefs e.t.c. of a society. If an indigenous language is inferior to a foreign one, then the values and beliefs that it carries are also inferior (by extension).

If our values are also inferior (because of an inferior language), it also explains why many Africans may view traditional ways as retrogressive, and quickly adopt the behavior associated with the people whose language they speak. Whatever is hip in the "superior language" country, be it clothes, food, hairstyles, slang, will be borrowed at the speed of light. Francophone Africa follows French football, enjoys French music, while Anglophone Africa follows English football, and enjoys American and British music. This is all at the expense of local football and music.

Foreign languages were chosen as official languages because they were seen as "more effective" in uniting the citizens of a country. I think it is even more insulting when these languages become national languages. Thank GOD that in Kenya, the National language is Kiswahili, and the official languages are English and Kiswahili.

In Kenya, there are around 46 languages, and realistically we cannot use all of them as official (thank God for Kiswahili). In other African countries, there may be 100+ indigenous languages, and they do not have Kiswahili to use like we do, so the only "option" is English, French, or Portuguese. DRAT!!

If Kwame Nkrumah were still alive, he would probably identify this phenomenon as part of the Neo-Colonialism he talked about. I swear, if I were President of the Homeland of Kenya............................................. my priority at the end of my term would be the decolonization of the citizen's minds. I'd beat it out, exorcise it, pull it out, whatever it takes to bring Kenyans to a realization that they can and should be equals on the world stage. Then we would never have to live through another LIVE8 concert. (See earlier blog posts.)

We would learn in Kiswahili until university, and foreigners coming to our universities would take a Test of Kiswahili as a Foreign Language. (Isn't it infuriating that students going to Australia, UK, or United States of America from Anglophone Africa still have to do a Test Of English as a Foreign Language test, and yet we learn in English? Hasn't English been around long enough to be "indigenous"?)

I think I will make this theory my PHD project, if I ever want to do one.

"We face neither east nor west, we face forward". Kwame Nkrumah
0 Comments
Mood: concerned

gatwiri Kenyans Galore Jul 19th, 2005 3:02:42 am - Subscribe
OK!! So I am reading the Cutting Edge yesterday(sunday july 17). This is a column in one of the dailies where Kenyans can rant and rave about anything. Here is an excerpt

"The failure by a top British TV anchor to recognise Nobel Peace Laureate Wangari Maathai, at a press conference during the G8 meeting in Gleneagles, Scotland, addressed by Prime Minister Tony Blair and attended by Irish musicians Bob Geldof and Bono was really shameful, remarks Tim Kaesa. "Sky TV political editor Adam Boulton made it even worse by saying, 'I cannot pick out the black lady'. She is not just a black lady, but an international figure."

This just goes to prove how far down in the eyes of the world we are. If Wangari Maathai, of all people, is not recognisable, and she won the Nobel Peace Prize just last year, why do Africans continue deluding themselves that the Western world continues to care about them? angry.gif

Anywho, that was just a side note.

As Femi Kuti says, "Black Man, Know Yourself". I have decided to appreciate the interesting ways of Kenyans, since no one out there will appreciate us. We are caught up in soo many troubles currently, I just need a good laugh. grin.gif

These are the distinguishing features of Kenyans(off the top of my head)

1. If a news cameraman is out in the field with the newscaster person, you will find Kenyans crowding around him, just to get on TV.

2. You know you are in a funeral convoy because every car has a red strip of cloth attached to the side mirror. All these cars continually stop along the roadside to take pictures of the convoy and mourners.

3. You will always have moral support during times of bereavement. All the relatives and friends, even those you dont want to see, will make sure they attend the daily meetings and final burial.

4. We have long chains of relationships. You will attend a family gathering and find that the guy you have been eyeing is related to you because he is the son of the sister of the cousin, of the uncle who is your father's brother's wife's brother. This is why people must attend these gatherings, lest you marry a relative.

6. A meat eating joint with a sparse collection of tables and chairs is enough designate a place as an entertainment spot. All you need is the meat, beer, and bouncing castles and face painting for the kids, and you can say that you spent the weekend hanging out.

5. Kenyans have opinions about everything! This is evident from the large number of talk shows on radio and TV. The most prominent contributer to these shows is a lady called Jennifer, who probably runs up a huge phone bill, contributing to every show.

6. Kenyans love movies from NollyWood!! I don't know how this happened, but I think its good we support our African talent in Nigeria.

7. Bargaining is the order of the day. If you are not buying and item in a supermarket, there is always room to "negotiate" (read haggle) over the price.

8. Kenya is the only place where Gospel Music can be played in a disco. The revellers will do their thing on the dancefloor, however high they are. Case in point "Kuna Dawa" by Esther Wahome. The popularity of this song over the last year rivals any Hip Hop star!!

Aren't we just amazing!!
1 Comments
Mood: appreciative
Talk, Opinion, Music, Life, Stuff: Stuff

gatwiri Africa and the G8 summit Jul 8th, 2005 5:12:32 am - Subscribe
So, the Live8 concert was held last Saturday, to create awareness about poverty in the Developing World i.e. Africa. (As if they didnt know!!) Funny how that particular event completely passed Africa by.

On tuesday morning, I asked some of my friends if they watched any of the concerts. No, they said. I had personally made up my mind not to watch. After all, no African musicians were deemed good enough for the main show. We are the sideshow, hence African musicians performed at a smaller event in Cornwall (where?). Kudos to Peter Gabriel for recognising the importance of African Music.

Is this what Africa has been reduced to? A side show?? An Agenda? A Cause? I get so furious when I see our dignity as a continent stripped on the world stage. We have allowed orselves to be reduced to nothing!! If you examine attitudes to Africa, you will find that we are not viewed as equals on the world stage. We cannot be as able and as capable in education and technology as our counterparts from the developed world. The only place we can compete is athletics(those Kenyans and Ethiopians!!).

So, since I had just finished an exam, I rewarded myself and decided to watch the charade going on around the world. If it was awareness they wanted, awareness is what they got. The crowds were huge!! They were all singing (and some added some cuss words to our vocab.)

I thought to myself, do we have to wait for the west to "save us" from ourselves? If they dont throw another Live8 in the future(because Geldof said there will never be another one), what are we to do? Will it be the end of us?

Granted, the West can be blamed for everything that went wrong. But even if they are responsible, it is time we took up our cross. we are the ones living in the continent and we are responsible for it. The West can only help us soo much.

BTW, I was just thinking, Africa has recieved tonnes of aid since we got back our independence. This strategy clearly hasn't worked. One of my lecturers says "if you do something the same way, you will get the same results". We need to change our approach so that we can get new results. For me that means NO MORE AID. We have been blessed with soo much, we are accountable for how we have misused it. If we cut our dependence on aid, we will have no alternative but to improve Africa for ourselves.

This will only benefit us in the long run, because it means that we can have our own sustainable markets without AGOA and etc. The money will also stay in the continent to benefit us, unlike the current case where profits are repatriated to the west. The future for us, is InterContinental Trade.

Lemme put and end to my ranting, but I'll Be Back!!!
1 Comments
Mood: amazed
Talk, Opinion, Music, Life, Stuff: Music, Life, Opinion