and they will know i lived.
Date: Mar 31st, 2006 12:00:12 am - Subscribe
so i decided that this will be my last blog. all things must be put to rest. but with in the years i had this blog i had grown up in so many ways.
one of them is that drugs and stuff like that dont make things go away and i dont do them any more, in fact on sXe now. i also come to realize what love is. i had the best girl in the world, then i had a girl that showed me i was in love, then i lost the best girl in the world, then i met a best friend, i hurt that best friend, i found a girl thought i was in love, i was blind, she was and still is fake, i fell in love with my best friend. im not afriad to say it any more, i loved kayla, she was my first love and i just wont get over her, but i found whitney and she reminds me of her but not in the way so it feels like im still with her but in the way that i wanted to find some one better and not a slut, and i did, it took me a god damned year but i did.
being in the band brought me closer to people so now i dont think that they are all that bad. i still dont trust alot of people and i may be this way forever.
i still wish i wasnt born, but if i wasnt so many peoples lives would be empty. there would be no pictures to paint. so i guess i need to be here, not for myself cause thats selfish and im trying to stop that, but for other people, thats why god put me on this earth, so i can show people the true meaning of loss, love, pain, i guess im here just to show every one on the small town of tucson, Arizona what its like to be human.
this is my story, and for every one who reads it i hope you understand and i hope you know where i am comming from with all of this. i've grown to all of you, even if you dont read, but this shall remain untill something shutsdown. then no one will read it. i dont care if this whole time you've read this you thought me fake purile any thing like that i dont care, but this was my life and this was who i was.
someday i hope that someone out there will read this and understand me, i hope that people wont get upset.
someday i will die and not alot of people will be happy, but then again not alot of people will know. i am just one person, there are maybe a milion copies of me, i just happen to writing all this to you. so thank you for all that you have done. thank you, even if you did nothing i still thank you. cause i feel like you have been with me the whole time, just watching, when i cried, you cried, when i died you died also. when i fell down and didnt want to get up you stayed with me and waited untill i could stand again. well im ready to stand again, and leave this life behind. i am paul J.L. harris and i and i am old enough to know when i have changed. and i have. thanks, i love you.
winter left us, and it killed us
Date: Mar 11th, 2006 6:29:27 pm - Subscribe
well, the last time i posted was in september, and thats cool i guess. today i was going to hang with the band, they never called, i was going to hang with skye at the mall, but i have no money. well september came and gone and that so call girlfriend i was crazy about was just a space filler.... i really do mis makayla... i always will. well in the almost six months that i havent kept this up to date, i did a number of awesome things i guess you can say. well here they are in a list cause im nice!
first show at skrappys
changed band name to whats left of nothing
played a few house shows that went okay
i saw alot of my favorite bands and if i named them all this list would be too long
i asked out my best friend and she said yes
we saw makayla at the mall last night and she questioned me why did i break up with her and i dont like thining about her cause it makes me all shaky so i just kept quiet
christmas was okay
all the holidays were okay
im okay i think
i decided this would be my last blog cause i miss emo blog... i dont know why i just miss it... i miss the red... and the lame games... and the lame people... really i just miss who i was six months ago... but then again i dont.. i have whitney now and im truly happy. she gives me what kayla had and more.. i love her. i will always miss kayla cause she was my first love. but i wont ever miss whintey cause she is my last and im holding on for dear life. thanks everyone who has been here for me in the time i had this blog even if you guys didnt comment or whatever. i know someone out here is reading this. i just want you guys to know that i exist and thati feel and that i love and that i can be happy and that i miss everything. but in order to flower we must bloom. so im not to sad. i died in the months away. and then was reborn a new.
yeah, i had fun tonight.
Date: Sep 17th, 2005 2:57:57 am - Subscribe
well tis been a long time since i wrote in my blog so here i am at 12:45AM writing about things. well i dont know where i left off so i will start at this, i went to bedroxx one day and met the most awesome girl in the world her name is jessye spitler and i love her to death, but its been seeming like my friend thobi has been tring as hard as he can to keep us away from that alone time that we rarely get, i dont know but he's really bringing me down. well after i found jessye it was my first day of school in which was fun kind of i guess, my english teacher is awesome (for once), my science teacher is boring (what else is new) and my math teacher actualy has something to teach. well we move on a month in to school and we get to today, yaaaaay! well today was one of the best nights ever, me, skye, roby,venessa, stacy, AJ, and jon were all hanging out at the mall today. it was fun, me and skye found ali and sara and ran their car down and went to wendys with them, on our way back to the car we decided to have a race in which all of us but sara would have got ran over by a car not willing to stop, but yeah the thought that we almost died tonight is kind of funny cause i would not be able to see a world with out these people, they are awesome and i love them all.well thats all i have to say, you guys should leave a comment or something and be cool like that, i never get any.
untill next time,
yeah thats how it happens
Date: Jul 18th, 2005 2:15:29 am - Subscribe
hey aeonity blogers,(eh i got to get used to that)
my week end was kind of fun, it made me happy for the time it happened. casey got back from idaho and its cool to see my best friend again, me and the rest of my friends all went to go see that new willy wonka movie in which sucked, then we went to pappies pool and went swimming. it seems that sometimes im awhole new person when im around them, they make me happy and they are the only thing that can do that.
then came saturday and we all went over caseys house to see what the hell we were going to do and we ended up getting in a fight with wes cause he was being a dick. i really dont like that kid sometimes, he told robin that the only reason he was in our band is cause he wanted to get rich and famous, it seems like he never wants to do any thing for the band just for him self. its really depressing.
sunday was alright. i just sat around and did nothing. but i guess thats all i can do on a slow day like this.
untill next time
its been along time
Date: Jul 6th, 2005 2:02:53 am - Subscribe
it's been along time since my last post.
well what to talk about? i went to a pool party with a whole bunch of my friends and had a run it with a soda can and cut my hand open and it hurts, but no band-aids for me. i also went to cali and got some photograpy done, i will prolly post it up soon.
well i think im gone. un till next time emo bloggers.
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