and they will know i lived.
Date: Mar 31st, 2006 12:00:12 am - Subscribe
Mood: deep


so i decided that this will be my last blog. all things must be put to rest. but with in the years i had this blog i had grown up in so many ways.
one of them is that drugs and stuff like that dont make things go away and i dont do them any more, in fact on sXe now. i also come to realize what love is. i had the best girl in the world, then i had a girl that showed me i was in love, then i lost the best girl in the world, then i met a best friend, i hurt that best friend, i found a girl thought i was in love, i was blind, she was and still is fake, i fell in love with my best friend. im not afriad to say it any more, i loved kayla, she was my first love and i just wont get over her, but i found whitney and she reminds me of her but not in the way so it feels like im still with her but in the way that i wanted to find some one better and not a slut, and i did, it took me a god damned year but i did.
being in the band brought me closer to people so now i dont think that they are all that bad. i still dont trust alot of people and i may be this way forever.
i still wish i wasnt born, but if i wasnt so many peoples lives would be empty. there would be no pictures to paint. so i guess i need to be here, not for myself cause thats selfish and im trying to stop that, but for other people, thats why god put me on this earth, so i can show people the true meaning of loss, love, pain, i guess im here just to show every one on the small town of tucson, Arizona what its like to be human.
this is my story, and for every one who reads it i hope you understand and i hope you know where i am comming from with all of this. i've grown to all of you, even if you dont read, but this shall remain untill something shutsdown. then no one will read it. i dont care if this whole time you've read this you thought me fake purile any thing like that i dont care, but this was my life and this was who i was.
someday i hope that someone out there will read this and understand me, i hope that people wont get upset.
someday i will die and not alot of people will be happy, but then again not alot of people will know. i am just one person, there are maybe a milion copies of me, i just happen to writing all this to you. so thank you for all that you have done. thank you, even if you did nothing i still thank you. cause i feel like you have been with me the whole time, just watching, when i cried, you cried, when i died you died also. when i fell down and didnt want to get up you stayed with me and waited untill i could stand again. well im ready to stand again, and leave this life behind. i am paul J.L. harris and i and i am old enough to know when i have changed. and i have. thanks, i love you.

-paul
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velouria - March 31st, 2006
Paul, just because you've changed does not mean you have to stop posting. You can post about anything...you can be an encouragement to those who read your blog. I hope you decide to stay.
-Vel


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