x_liz_x's Blog

Sadness.
Date: Nov 3rd, 2005 8:24:14 pm - Subscribe
Mood: :(


~Scary kids scaring kids-A breath of sunshine~

So, it's still hard for me to believe that October actualy ended.
too bad that it took away my happiness with it.
I hate to feel misunderstood, and that's how i feel now.
I feel so alone, though i know i'm not.
but somehow i am. it seems like my friends like me only when i'm doing good things for them,
buy if i accidently disappoint them, they suddenly hate me. even if they know that it's no my fault.
I hate it. I hate myself. I hate my heart. I hate my emotions.
I hate the way i hurt myself over and over again with my stupid thoughts.

I want to be at Yuri's place for the weekend, i feel so good there, but i can't go, my mom want's me to spend the weekend with her at her friend's birthday.
I DONT WANT TO.

one thing that makes me happy, is that me and Eli are friends again.
I missed him so much!
I missed his cute smile, his hair...<3


I hope i'll be fine.
but for now, i just need a HUG.
<\3

Comments: (0)

Myself Vs. my heart
Date: Nov 1st, 2005 4:21:34 pm - Subscribe
Mood: jaded


~Scary kids scaring kids-The bright side of suffering~

that's it. iv'e decided clearly.

HE IS EVERYTHING I WANT.
I like the way he looks.
I like the way he talks.
I like the way he dances.
I like the way he kisses.

I like EVERYTHING about him!

he's everything i want.
too bad that he's not what my heart desire's for.

<3 <3 <3
Comments: (1)

The end.
Date: Oct 31st, 2005 7:06:19 pm - Subscribe
Mood: :)


In a few hours October's gonna end.
With sweet memories, a smile, and a tear i say goodby to it.

So, it was the best month ever.
so many poeple,so many hugs, so many kisses, so many "i love you".

so what realy was there?

- I slept at Yuri's place.
- I met tenta.
- I kissed in the 1st rain of the year.
- I met so many people!
- I've got so many hugs!
- I was drank.
- I cried.
- I smiled.
- I danced all night.
- I was kissing with the hottest guy in the party.

AND SO MUCH MORE!

I learned what life's all about...

I'm so happy right now that i just can't describe it!

but i'm also scared.
i'm scared that the next month wont be good as the October was...
bur there's still a hope in my heart that it's gonna be even BETTER!

oh yeah, it's gonna be so much better

<3 <3 <3

Comments: (2)

First time.
Date: Oct 30th, 2005 3:30:21 pm - Subscribe
Mood: :D


So on friday night it was my 1st time in a rock\metal club.
I HAD SO MUCH FUN !!!
I danced alot!
headbangsand jumping around all night long!
and..the most important time of the night was when i met someone
Ahhh...he was so damn HOT!
me and my friend Anna were dancin' next to him and his friends...
sometimes i was looking at him...and sometimes we just looked at eachother...<3
Anna said that he's looking my way and that i should go talk to him..but i didn't wanted! i'm to shy!!!
so...i don't know why..but i went to the EMO dance floor..once i realized where i am, i turned around(I like emo,but it was more fun at the metal dance floor)to go back and i saw that boy standing in front of me...already with his arms around me...he got so close to me that our lips almost touched.that moment was so shocking!
he asked me if i want to go to the "making out" room, i smiled and said no..cuz there were people there!
so we went outside...
he asked me what's my name and how old i am and stuff...
i asked him how old he is...and he's 17...i said that i'm 14..i didn't want to lie about my age.
so he was kinda shocked and said "14??" and took a step back...and i said "yeah..14.." and took a step forward to him...he just smiled, said "oh. ok.." and kissed me!
so we kissed alot...and i was happy, cuz once again i got what i wanted (:
after a while i've decided to go back to the club...and they playd numb by lp..and i love that song! i ran to anna and we were just screaming that song!!
when the party seem to end i saw that boy sitting on the stage...and he had such a cute face! and i went over to him..and stood between his legs and kissed him..<3
awww...and then he said "you made my night perfect" and i blushed! and kissed him again! hehe...

and then he had to go..and i gave him my number...and we're staying in touch...

and now i'm just happy.
happyhappyhappy.

bye bye <3

Comments: (3)

long time no see.
Date: Oct 28th, 2005 1:58:07 pm - Subscribe
Mood: :D


~ Story of the year- untill the day i die~

so...alot of things have changed.

it started in the last month...
i met someone named Yuri on the net, we used to talk by ICQ for a month...even less.
So, yuri has a friend, named tenta(a nickname.) and by misstake i realized that i have tenta in my ICQ contact list, but we never realy talked...
and somehow i saw his picture,and he is HOT, GRRR i wanted him SO BAD!
back to Yuri.
he suggested me to sleep over at his place(he lives in a different city) in the weekend,
so i said YES
i know that it was very stupid, and dangerous, but i had the bestes feeling about it.
so...iwent there. i met Yuri and alot of his friends, i had the best time ever!!!
while i was there, i also met tenta(!!) and we(me and tenta..)were together for all the weekend,that means- a lot of making out
That time, when we stood in front of the city view...he huged me so tight...and said to me that he loves me and that he doesn't want me to leave...I was so HAPPY.
but i was kinda sad too...cus it was a lie,and i knew that he just wanted sex, i knew that i don't have feelings for him too, but yet, I so wanted his words to be true, i so wanted to love him, but fuck it
so we spent the night together...
he huged me so tight so i could not sleep! <3
but who needs to sleep?!
DRY SEX. that's all i have to say.

the story got more complicated when tenta came to my city...
he was drunk..and started to makin' out with my friend...
i ended up drank too, cuz i felt bad.
somehow he told me that Yuri hates me...and i just couldn't look at him, or touch him after i saw him with my friend.
i felt BAD. that's why i drank.
It was raining that day, we got wet...we kissed in the rain...and...since then i got confused abot my feelings for him.
again...FUCK IT. i just want to have FUN!

EVENTUALLY...

I learnd that the innocence is gone from this world

and...
i had the best time ever this month!
I met so many people!!!

and now i'm just happy

Comments: (1)