Here's the girl you've all been waiting for.
...she's / hardly / what / she / seems / <3

It's been far too long

Mar 25th, 2009 1:02:45 am - Subscribe

I haven't been around much sorry guys. Well tonight I am supposed to be sleeping I told myself I would get to bed at a reasonable hour but I can't sleep. I have to be up in four hours, I have a funeral to go to tomorrow morning and I have to be at church for eight.

I don't really know the guy who died it was my mom's good friend from high school but I know his parents pretty well because they were friends with my grandparents and my grandparents practically raised me.

Aside from the funeral I have a job interview, and I hope I get this job, I need it so badly! So please keep your fingers crossed happy.gif I know I am.

I really should try to sleep. I will update more I promise! XO
mood: forgetful
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two thousand nine...

Jan 1st, 2009 11:49:28 am - Subscribe

couldn't have come fast enough. Happy New Year everyone!
mood: protective
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Christmas Eve.

Dec 24th, 2008 9:47:32 am - Subscribe

Yay it's Christmas Eve, I feel like this year went by 100 times faster than it normally does. Christmas kinda snuck up on me this year I wasn't prepared at all!

I started my shopping yesterday. I really feel like Christmas has become to commercial. When my friends and I were at the mall everyone was in a bad mood! Nobody has Christmas spirit anymore.

My whole family decided that next year we're not doing Christmas. We are going to Mexico and go on vacation instead on exchanging gifts which is perfectly okay with me, I hate Christmas shopping.

Well anyways everyone have a good Christmas Eve and if I don't post tomorrow, Merry Christmas!
mood: fabulous
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Dec 19th, 2008 11:15:06 am - Subscribe

I just downloaded Google Chrome and it's awesome. I love it. I had Safari originally but Chrome is totally fast and better happy.gif

Hm it's supposed to snow like crazy today We're expecting up to one foot of snow ): Not really super excited. I love the snow but why does it have to be on Friday?!

Oh well my friends and I are all planning to have a blizzard party. We're gonnah go to someones house and get snowed in and have a good time. Hope all is well and I hope no one got snowed in too bad.
mood: loving
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Another year almost gone.

Dec 16th, 2008 8:44:09 pm - Subscribe

2008 hands down worst year ever. For me at least. The end of this year is a million times better than the rest has been, but it's still a bad year.

My resolution for next year is to get a grip and start being more productive with my life. No more acting like everything will come to me. Because I know it won't, I am just too scared to try at anything and fail.

My sweet is still amazing <3 and I am happy. I can't wait for the Christmas and New Years Eve. I can't wait for 2009 with my new beau my friends and my finally happy family.

mood: blessed
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The sweetest of dreams.

Dec 4th, 2008 3:54:28 am - Subscribe

I have the most perfect boyfriend.

I must be dreaming.
mood: smiley
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Nov 28th, 2008 10:42:20 am - Subscribe

met a boy recently. This is a breath of fresh air to me. He's so sweet, his eyes twinkle when he smiles and he's always smiling. He knows how to make me laugh, and I'm not scared of him.

He looks at me like I am the only person in the whole world. When he kisses me it's soft and slow and everything a young girl dreamed of in her prince charming.

He doesn't expect anything of me he just accepts me. In the morning now when I wake up I take an extra five minutes in the mirror if I know I am going to see him.

The minutes when I am not with him feel like hours and when we're together it feels like the night just began.

He's not afraid to kiss me or hold my hand in front of his friends. And I'm not afraid to let everyone know I'm with him.

I'm smitten to say the least and I can't wait to see him tonight.
mood: charmed
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Nov 15th, 2008 10:30:55 am - Subscribe

I hate sinus colds and waiting for the first snow fall.
mood: beat
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I assumed

Oct 17th, 2008 5:34:45 pm - Subscribe

I was pretty much over the fact that love sucks, but I've realized I hate seeing and hearing about how happy other people are with their loves. I am so sick of crying.

Well never assume because like they say when you assume you make an ass out of you and me.
mood: dense
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U Turn.

Oct 16th, 2008 4:15:04 pm - Subscribe

I've come to realize I don't need anyone to make me happy. It's a long road that I have to venture ahead of me but since I've started showering and going out in public again I feel a lot better about myself.

In fact I finally landed a sweet full time job, I got a gym membership, I am going to buy a new car, moving into a new apartment and I have started going out with my friends again.

This is a new and different Mandy.
mood: humbled
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Sep 27th, 2008 12:05:56 pm - Subscribe

I have found much comfort in the arms of friends recently.
mood: loving
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Love doesn't exist.

Sep 12th, 2008 12:12:07 pm - Subscribe

Ray told me he never wanted to see me again.


As far as I am concerned love doesn't exist.
mood: deflated
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All the good ones.

Aug 10th, 2008 1:58:36 am - Subscribe

Pounding, spinning, slow. Churning growls louder than my jumbled thoughts, getting blocked out by snippets of television every now and then.

Slow and steady. Relax. I cry. Deep breaths. Slow and steady.

I need someone more than ever but there is no one for me.

Where have all the good ones gone?
mood: dazed
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Boys hit girls.

Aug 4th, 2008 8:56:20 pm - Subscribe

Him: Drunken anger, hatred towards me, love for his brother. He doesn't listen to anyone I tell him not to, more like beg.

Me: Sober, scared, screaming. "Stop don't do this your brother will be home soon he isn't going to like what I tell him, don't make it worse"

He hit me once.

I hit him back.

He hit me twice.

Unconscious, bleeding from my mouth. On the cold hard floor.

Bouncing around I hear crying pushing my hair out of my face with a wet face cloth wiping the blood from my mouth. Ray is bent over me crying, Amanda is driving somewhere.

Concord hospital, empty I'm cold. Ray has his arms wrapped around me, where was he when his brother hit me?

I need six months of dental work and now I have braces on my once perfect teeth, I have a concussion, and I need to have surgery on my septum.

I probably shouldn't have stood up to him. Damn my stubborn confidence.
mood: famished
(3) comments

I'm doing...

Jul 28th, 2008 1:43:17 pm - Subscribe

that thing again where I think entirely too much and all my thoughts get jumbled and lost... bad ideas are starting to sound like good ideas even though I know they are probably bad ideas.

I am thinking about school and everything. I was thinking of taking some time off and joining the peace corps. But I don't know I am doing so well in school as it is. But I want to start over somewhere new, somewhere where I can recreate myself and meet new people.

I was also thinking about moving away on my own, getting a full time job saving up some money for a year and then heading back to school... I feel like that would be a good idea. I want a different school because I am bored with the life I have now, I am sick of who I am.

I want to move somewhere new, totally different from where I am now. I want to move to the midwest where there is no beach or mountains.

Where I will sound exotic because of my thick Boston accent and people will wonder where this girl came from. I want my own apartment with roomies I have never met before in my life.

I want to be a mystery. I want to move somewhere weird, like Wisconsin, Minnesota, Washington, or Kansas. Somewhere people wouldn't normally want to be.

I just want somewhere besides here where I can be me. I know I am going to think more about this and I am going to realize that it is a bad idea because to be quite frank I don't have enough gall to go out and start new.
mood: complicated
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Why does this happen to me

Jul 28th, 2008 1:17:00 pm - Subscribe

Jeff keeps playing with my head. He knows I love him more than anything, but he tells me he doesn't know what's going to happen, he keeps telling me he still loves me but doesn't think it will work right now.

We were perfect for three years. That's a really long time. I've built my life entirely around him, we never ever fought not even when we broke up. How did this happen?

Where does love go? How can you love someone so much and they don't want anything to do with you? I can't keep him off my mind. When I wake up he is the first person I think of, when I go to bed I end up crying because he isn't laying next to me. I want him to want me. I don't want to be lonely anymore.
mood: heartbroken
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The fast lane.

Jul 24th, 2008 3:26:15 pm - Subscribe

We live fast. Going from one party to another, days without sleep. We take our Zoloft with vodka, but we don't talk about our feelings.

Shopping on Newbury St, clothes we pretend to afford. Sky high heels, pearls, and a sleek black dress. Don't forget the wine and we're out the door.

Look but don't touch, we change our names, Amanda is now Mandie, Johanna is now Jonie, Antonia is now Torie.

Smile big, bat your eyelashes let them think they can have you.

This isn't a life I lived a year ago, it was a life I thought I wanted.
mood: icky
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It hurts.

Jul 24th, 2008 4:23:25 am - Subscribe

Why is it that I want him so much and he doesn't even give me the time of day?
Why does it hurt so much?
mood: needy
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Jul 18th, 2008 12:06:40 pm - Subscribe

I find it funny how a guy can play two girls that have never met against each other and expect them not to find out.

What is funnier is when the two girls meet to have coffee downtown and realize that their friendship has a better chance of flourishing than the relationship each started with the boy.

One word: Karma.
mood: fluffy
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It's inevitable

Jul 13th, 2008 1:48:21 pm - Subscribe

I've come to terms with the fact people change, and sometimes it's for the better and sometimes it sucks, but one thing is inevitable and that is love.

You will always love, whether it's yourself, your friends, your dog, flowers, or another person. There will always be love in your life you just have to realize it when it's there.
mood: infinite
On the speakers:: Underoath
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