Then it did.
Common cold? HA! This was no common cold this was a beast. No clue what it was. I woke up at two in the morning and my mom was watching a rerun of this evenings news cast and I said "Mom I don't feel very well I think I am gonnah pass out." Now I never get sick and when I do I certianly don't tell anyone. Weakness thing ya know?
She felt my head and exclaimed "Amanda you are burning up get in the car!" Burning up, what am I a pile of twigs? Only twigs burn up.
Okay we get to the hospital she makes everything seem more dramatic than it really is so we get to see a doctor almost right away.
They ask me the questions Are you pregnant? How old are you? Etc. Then they take my temp. 106 not normal. In fact that's almost deadly. 108 is deadly, 106 is just hullicinations. Which is exactly what I had. Man oh man I love those!
I have never done drugs but now I know why people do them. those visions made my life. No lie pink elephants and monkeys!
Okay so maybe it's not that good, maybe it's even piss your pants scary when you are seeing these things in a hospital. But right now this very moment it's funny.
My mom works for the government she deals with all kinds of random stuff like world disease, and right now the big thing on her plate is the Bird Flu. It's supposed to hit America, and my mom whom in paranoid was convinced that is what I had. The doctors couldn't figure it out but my mom a 42 year old average women with no medical history besides battling the flu would bet her life I had the bird flu.
Now how could I have the bird flu? We don't own birds. And I like in MA it's the middle of winter and there are no birds around. I don't think I can get it. Did I mention I don't eat meat sio that means no chicken.
Yeah I didn't have it. Well my mom went through the whole house cleaned everything. She probably would have burned down the house and rebuilt it if my Dad let her. She threw away all my old bedding and bought me all new stuff and she even offered to buy me new clothes. I didn't take her up on the offer.
My fever broke 2 nights ago I am doing much better the "bird flu" is gone. That's what I am calling it because the doctors never figured out what was wrong.
Comment on this one I want to hear what you have to say.
Dressed to kill // Pjs
Words of wisdom // The Bird Flu isn't contagious.
When I am older, I don't want to be married, not right away - working a night shift and sleeping all day. Be mysterious. Write. Paint. Travel.
I want to see the Greene st. greens, and the reddest reds, even if it's blood. I want to have stories to tell and pictures to show.
I want to have animals exaggerated to little kids and make them seem like gods, like beasts. I want it with other people who won't be scared and are willing to go all the way but still retain there subconcious because at times I won't.
I want to save someone. I want to be hated and feared. I want to have a disguise. I want to be arrested and have an alias and an accomplice.
I want to get hurt and be healed by a total stranger for four weeks in the middle of nowhere; on a farm, help with the work to repay for room and board while having a passionate affair with a son named Sam - a taller boy with brown hair.
I would love it. I would want to stay but his father would find out and he would leave me untill we finally relized oue relationship was lust. I want to havea cowboy hat in the middle of the desert near a campfire.
I would love driving and singing to every song and be slightly embarrassed when you catch me not knowing some words, just mumbled sounds. I want to give someone I don't trust a ride.
I want to be a witness to a bank robbery I want to streak infront of someone famous and eat lunch on top of a really tall building. I just don't want to regret not being with you at these moments.
It's when you wander into someone else's worldthat you want to be noticed. You're dangling on your last thread of dignity. Hoping, wishing, and praying.
It's when you make peace with him one day, and make war the next. Sitting at home, thinking up clever hurtful things to say. Not too hurtfull, because then he might actually leave. You're too proud, and you're too confident in the promises you made to yourself. You'll just tell yourself over and over agian that this is it. It's over and you'll be better off. The you finally get a hold of them. Say your ever-so-clever little tidbits, and hope you get the reaction you were hoping for. It doesn't happen very often.
It's when you want to make more of and effort that he's looking for something else. You know who she is, but you've never met. You wonder what makes her any better than you. Is it because she's healthier? More fit? Does she know him like you do? His guilty pleasures? Is it because she's prettier?
He lives there. In that town. Amoungst the fun, the drugs, the chaos and the parties. You live here. In this town, and hour's drive away. Where there's no choas or excitement. Where there's just you. You make plans to visit on Friday in his town, and on Saturday in your town - and hours drive away.
She lives there too. A few minute's drive away. She sounds like a great catch, but he's your boyfriend, right? You've been together for a little over a year now, and this is the third time you've been with him. When you lay in bed together it's like nothing was ever wrong, but when he goes home, you can't live. Everything stops. You can't work. You can't sleep. You can't do anything!
It's when I don't hear from him for a couple days, that I write and entry to this journal people read everyday. And hope he reads it so he knows I am still alive.