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xbang_bang
A letter. - Subscribe
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Dear Musician, Sing me something. By my prince charming, my irish lover. Flirting across lines, words shared between two people that are sewn into jokes and witty remarks, I know atleast mine hold a truth that i am too scared to speak. I hope yours too. Keep it coming I am willing to handle you, I am willing to save you. "Neither of us need liars" and I couldn't agree with you more. I am not looking for a relationship right now I just got out of one. Right now I need something real something I can depend on. You said you could be someone like that I am hoping you keep to you word like you say you do. You have the rough exterior so polar opposite my clean cut "preppy" look as you call it so coy and playful. Write me a song something sweet, write me something that i can listen to over and over and learn by heart knowing that those words were written for me. Be that person, hold me like you say you want to, kiss my forehead and protect me. Because that is all I need. Just be there. With a heart full of hope and happiness since I remember, Mandy. |
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xbang_bang
Stolen. Jan 7th, 2008 4:32:58 am - Subscribe
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I don't know why i am writing to be honest with you. Usually when I write something is bothering me. Well there is alot bothering me I just don't know how to put it all into words, there is this feeling of weakness I get when i think of him with someone else. I don't know why I know it's not fair. Because I like someone else too but for some reason no matter how hard I try I can't completly get over it. It's not even anger anymore, it's more like a knotted feeling like falling. I feel like I am diving off a cliff now and I know at some point I am going to have to hit the bottom and I am trying to brace myself for it, to make it softer... why can't it be softer? Why can't your lies cushion the blows anymore? I hate liars. I hate fakes, it makes everything so much harder so much harder to get over. There was a comfort I found in being lied to even though I hated every moment of it. Just the thought that maybe what you were saying could have a chance to be true, maybe I am worth it. I was? No I wasn't. My head doesn't know what to think anymore. It has just stopped full fledged I don't think anymore. All my senses have escaped me and moved on. The days keep going faster than it's predecessor. But my heart has slowed almost stopped because I feel like I am not really capable of feeling anything anymore. I've just numbed myself because the hurt I've experienced in the past is no longer worth the comfort and love it takes. I honestly can say I am scared. I am angry and I am an emotional mess. You have taken me for everything I am worth and left me ruined for everyother guy out there that is willing to take the chance and love me. You have used me up and now there is nothing left except a pretty face with a fake smile painted to a pristine look, and hair that falls just right over my face and clothes that fit a body that no longer holds the soul and spirit it used to. You are a robber desguised as a knight and i was fooled. I though I could see right through you, now I am thinking Bree wasn't all that crazy, I know that you did the same thing to her as you did to me and she is so much younger. I don't care if we ever speak agian all I want is my soul back, I want my heart, I want my love. Because I don't want to take it from anyone else. |
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xbang_bang
To the Musician I long for. Jan 12th, 2008 6:55:14 am - Subscribe
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Tonight was the night you performed for me. It was a chance we both took inorder to find out if the flirting was real. I'm looking up at your from the floor and you're on stage doing what you do best. And I can't even focus on the words anymore because I am only watching you watching me in the crowd. Making sure that I was watching. The truth is that I couldn't keep my eyes or my hands off you. When you were down on the floor with me letting the music pulse through our bodies, holding on. Wondering if it was my heart beat or was it the drums. Lean in and just rest my head on your shoulder, pull me close. Can you feel me shaking? Toungue tied and twisted, I'm all light headed love drunk as most would call it. I am making myself look like an idiot and I know it. But that doesn't stop you from walking me to my car at the end of the night and as we hug goodbye you kissed me. At first just to see how I react and to be honest with you agian, I didn't know how to react and then you kissed me agian and I kissed you back and for that split second I was the happiest person on the face of the earth. For that split second literally took my breath away, and not in the stupid way people say. I couldn't catch my breath, I didn't want to I didn't even wanna move from that spot because that air is the sweetest air I've ever breathed in and your kiss was the most magical feeling I felt in a long time. I am glad that the feelings come from both ends of the spectrum, puts my mind at ease. <3 Goodnight. |
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1 Comments
Mood: There aren't even words to describe... elated/fucking excited/like I can't even breathe On the speakers:: The Spill Canvas |
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xbang_bang
Feel it. Jan 17th, 2008 2:22:22 am - Subscribe
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I, I, I, I, feel love fighting in. All directions are covered, the calveries won, and I've decided to surrender. There is nothing better than being in love. There is nothing that will wreck you with more utter joy than giving in, giving up, letting go, and bravely letting a boy step into the light of your eyes, and letting him know that you want him back and that you are willing to let him take care of you. |
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xbang_bang
The perfect night and true happiness. Jan 18th, 2008 8:03:37 pm - Subscribe
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This night is cold the wind chills to the bone, blowing with all it's got in our faces trying to make us think for even one second that this night is not perfect. The quiet Boston streets lay bear for us to walk down them, your arm around my waist holding me close and I feel like melting right there. Melting into you and becoming one, our silent steps falling into unison with each other getting lost amoung buildings that reach the heavens. The skies are clouded and it is lightly snowing, falling down onto us covering the quite city with a perfect covering, disguising it to become something maybe beautiful for the sake of our perfect night. We end up at the movies a movie we both wanted to see but now I can't even pay attention to it because I am only thinking of you. My head is resting on your chest and I can smell you and feel you kissing my head, holding my hand and there is nowhere else I would rather be. Your kiss is the sweetest thing that I have ever witnessed, so soft and sweet and slow. The warmth goes all through my body making me feel weak and just collapsing agianst you. I can't fight this and I won't even try because in this moment I was truly happy and I only have you to thanks for that. |
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xbang_bang
Back to where I am not sure I should be. Jan 21st, 2008 10:54:13 pm - Subscribe
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Less than two months ago I didn't want to be anywhere else but here, I was happy being at school, with all the people who I thought were my friends. I guess it just shows some poeple are more mature than others and the only thing I can do is to rise above it. I am so lost without the people downstairs they are soo wrapped up in each other and I am here trying to make new friends. But maybe that isn't a bad thing.. I think what I needed was to get out because I am not one that is supposed to be held back. I've always been one to go out and get what I am looking for. Now I just need to look and open my eyes. |
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xbang_bang
This isn't the way it's supposed to be. Jan 30th, 2008 6:18:07 am - Subscribe
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I don't know why I feel the way I do. I can't keep my mind off you even when I am with my new musician boyfriend. I loved you, I love you. Still. I can't get over it and I know you feel the same. But you said you didn't want a long distance relationship, and I know I don't either. I didn't miss you, but now I feel like I can't live without you. I can't function I can't think I don't know why. My heart aches but doesn't break because my boyfriend's love holds it together for me, and now even those strings are straining. I just don't want to see you with someone else as selfish as that sounds... I don't want to be replaced by you. Any other guy that is fine but for some reason the thought of being replaced by hurts more than when we broke our engagement off. It's hard to breathe because I am trying not to cry but I can't help it anymore. Tears are flowing and I just want my heart to stop beating. Because with you I am comfortable, but restless and curious but without I am unable to function. Don't get me wrong I am happy with my boyfriend but I miss you so much I can't handle it anymore. I don't think Maxx and i were supposed to be together I think we were just supposed to like each other and never act on it, because i think I am supposed to spend my time with you. |