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My Blogs


xbang_bang I think I am supposed to be excited. - Subscribe
Yesturday was the last day of school.
I wasn't excited.

Next year I am going to be a senior.
I havn't picked out a college.

I have a boyfriend of almost ten months.
I can't get him out of my mind.

Today is June 10th.
It's raining and 60 degrees out.

There is a party tonight held in my honor.
I don't want to go.

I'm tired.
I'm confused.
I don't feel well.
But everything seems okay.
5 Comments
Mood: okay

xbang_bang Heart racing&I went. Jun 17th, 2006 3:21:56 pm - Subscribe
By chance, by choice, by force, and the pull of fate, the tug of intuition, we all have landed to this point.

So I commemorate this, I propose a toast...

To a new year and new chances, to summer heat, to change, to new lovers, to you, life, the ability to reflect.

To infinate progress and finding what we are all lacking in this city of a thousand faces.

May fate bring you into my time line and keep you thus.

<3 Dupie.
2 Comments
Mood: medicated

xbang_bang Woww. [= Jun 21st, 2006 5:33:29 pm - Subscribe
Gosh. I am now seventeen years old.

Another year older.
7 Comments
Mood: heavenly

xbang_bang Moooooooooo. Jun 24th, 2006 2:51:30 pm - Subscribe
I have a cow pinata.
I named it Bessie.
I don't want to break her today ]=
3 Comments
Mood: bratty

xbang_bang Yay. Jun 26th, 2006 7:49:10 pm - Subscribe
I found I can have a life outside my relationship.

Life just got a whole lot brighter.
4 Comments
Mood: perfect

xbang_bang I think I am scared. Jun 26th, 2006 10:38:31 pm - Subscribe
Actually I think I am terrified. I am scared because Bryan “That boy” Who I never really gave his official name, the boy who I was in love with and hurt but still keeps me hanging, is coming to Lowell for a week.

I have a boyfriend and everything is alright. I love him to death, but not like what I felt for Bryan. Not even close.

Is that wrong? Does that make me a horrible person? Maybe. I can deal with that.

Like I am going to spend a whole week with my first love (who by the way also has a girl back home)

Is it wrong to hate her? I don’t even know her?

I am scared to fall back in love with him, not that I ever fell out of love. Talking about the first time we met (two years ago today) and the memories we shared like how I randomly showed up at his house a few weeks ago (read previous entry) and it started raining when we were on the beach.

I miss him. I’m not so sure if I miss him or his love. Maybe both. I miss the way he made me feel like the only girl on the face of the planet, I miss how he would hold my hand, I want to kiss him to see if his lips really are as soft as I imagined.

But then there is Jeff. Just Jeff. I feel bad because I feel like I am going out with him because Bryan isn’t here. If Bryan was here I would be with him both Bryan and I know that. We even discussed it.

Things happen for a reason and in the end everything works out and makes sense weather we like it or not. I hope everything goes alright.

- Half hearted heathen of boys everywhere.
5 Comments
Mood: screwed

xbang_bang When... Jun 29th, 2006 4:56:16 am - Subscribe
When you're sad - you cry.
When you're tired - you sleep
When you're wet - you dry off
When people talk - you listen
When you're happy - you smile


Where's the obvious choice of being in love with two different guys.

What is it about a guy with tatoos&piercings that gets to a girl even like me?

<3 Dupie
1 Comments
Mood: pooped

xbang_bang Maybe I'm crazy. Jun 30th, 2006 4:15:09 pm - Subscribe
What would you do if the one kid you're sure you have ever loved, was proposed to and he looks to you for what he should say?

Okay well Bryan has been going out with his girlfriend for only a few months&she proposed to him.

Bryan told me he doesn't love her, can I believe him? Prolly not because he has lied to me on countless occasions.

Well he had confided in me the real reason he is coming to Lowell. He wants to know if he should marry her. Well DUH I want to say "What are you stupid? What about me?!" But that's selfish.

I've never actually seen Kayley in person, I kinda just want to ask for her picture, I bet she's prettier than me. Not that that is really hard to accomplish. I hate feeling self-conscious.
2 Comments
Mood: self-conscious