Unlike summer where something happens&it turns into a huge snowball of sometimes unfortunate events.
Autumn is when everything cools down literally. Everyone takes their time tells other survivors of the rigorious summer about their endevours even if they already know or were there, because you want to make sure you are the strongest bravest person that came out of summer without a cut, bruise, or bump.
Autumn is your last chance of the year untill spring to make everything all right. Everything you've screwed up this or past summers autumn is your second chance.
Autumn is that second chance of beauty incase you missed it in the spring. So take it in relax, make mends and I hope Autumn treats you well.
This is kind of a follow up to the entries "her"&"It's cold outside".
I made my mends and we are good as new, I missed you more than you could ever have imagined.
I also remember that summer in 2004 when your piercing blue eyes entranced me. I could do nothing more than to stare, we got lost in the woods and the moon shone off your face in just a perfect way, it was almost like a dream and at any moment I would be shaken back to reality.
We talked all the time. Stayed up late at night on the phones for hours, and we just talked.
I think you might be the reason I hate talking on the phone. But that's okay. I miss you I have all your letters, everything you ever gave me.
I am trying to forget you now, after the other day. When I talked to you, and you were so mean. I can't believe it.
I used to be the most beautiful girl ever your one&only. You told me that. You tell me I am still the most beautiful girl you have ever met but I am pretty sure that's a lie, kind of like the one&only line.
I was never beautiful. I put everything you ever gave me in a trunk locked it up&put it in my attic.
This is my last entry to you.
I was only in seventh grade and I remember I was in writing class with my best friend Chelsea.
Who better to share this kind of experience with than your best friend? Well we were in writing class and our teacher sent us both to Mr. A's room to get something there he had the tv on when all of a sudden I watched a plane crash into a building.
Being young&nieve I didn't connect it to anything I thought they were just watching a "really cool" movie.
Untill Mr. A turned to see everyone's full attention to the tv& immediatly turned it off and called the office.
Chelsea&I went back to our teacher and we had to sit in class for two hours. Nobody told us anything.
A little while my mom came to pick me&Chelsea up and she came to my house. Her mother was waiting at my house with some coffee for her&my mom&we had some cocoa.
At that point we knew something was up they told us how someone killed many people today and we were like okay how?
They explained the whole plane crashing thing. We were scared only 12 years old and our eyes were opened to a world of hatred.
I remember sitting on my couch with my best friend sipping cocoa&watching atleast 12 times the "cool movie" plane crash into a building then a second, a third this one in Washington, and then another in a field.
I watched the buildings fall, I watched people jump to their deaths, and I watched my mom cry because she knew the pilot of the first plane.
And I knew in that moment on September 11th, 2001 I grew up&America grew closer.
Stubborn, Ignorant, Young, and Spoiled.
I saw him yesturday I was driving by the mall I saw him in all his glory in that blue Subaru we spent so many hours in just driving&talking. You're nineteen. So much older&experienced as some would say.
I miss you, I kinda wanted your light to stay red long enough so I could turn and stop right next to you&tell you that. But if I told you that I few choice words would also come out. I know it.
Like how I think you are a jerk&a few other words I don't want to say right here.
I thought I could trust you we were so much alike, so I guess I should've seen this coming.
I thought I could finally reveal myself to someone, you were going to be that someone. I want to tell someone all my secrets someone who I know will keep them secrets but not judge me.
For as long as I can remember I've been keeping secrets. Nobody knows any of them, except me and God.
I want someone to know the real me.
So long sunshine I wish you could have warmed my face one last time before the winter chill moved in.
Why is it that I can feel your icy blue eyes pierce my skin and send tingles up my spine, you make my hair stand on edge.
The thought of your eyes makes me wanna cry, they are so blue and so pure nobody who saw you could ever imagine the lies you are capable of.
Those diamond snake eyes that avidly search for the one weak spot on me, you never fail to find it.
But who am I kidding I love you, never stopped probably never will. What would love wear to a masquerade ball? Hate has been wearing it's love mask for years now.
I miss you so much. Come get me and take me away from here, the only comfort I have ever felt is in the web of lies you spin for me. You on your dread loom, weaving a blanket of lies to hold me in.
Those lies that will catch me when I fall because they are so much softer than the truth. I enjoy the stories, I enjoy the other world, and if to be with you I have to turn my head to the other girl and pretend that she's not there and nothing is happening all the way down in Rhode Island, well I am not sure if I can do it.
There will always be that doubt in my mind, you can assure me over and over in letters, on line, or on the phone that you love me. And I will always believe you.
Make sure you wrap me up tight though so I can brace myself for the icy cold truth next time you decide to tell it.