| I'm the jester. |
Dec 12th, 2007 3:01:36 am - Subscribe |
| Play me like a fool, use your powers to make me dance. See if I let you do it anymore. You're an aweful person. Love is a mistake. You lead an aweful life. Take me and break me. What did you say to me two nights ago? I don't want to get hurt over break, yeah well neither did I. I hope she was good in bed, she used to be my best friend, and you use to be someone who cared. And I used to cry but not anymore. |
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| mood: queasy On the speakers:: Bronson Arroyo |
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| You said love... I think. |
Dec 11th, 2007 11:49:39 pm - Subscribe |
| Cross wired signals. "You know I love you" "What did you say?" "Umm... you know I like you" "Oh, I thought you said something else" "Do you want to cuddle or not?" "Yeah just lay down" Kissing takes the place of where words should be. Did you really say love? Because now I am not too sure if that's what I heard or if that's what you said. But now I kinda wish I didn't interrupt because I think I sounded to harsh, but that's what alcohol does to me. |
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| mood: inferior |
(1) comments |
| Where did you go |
Dec 11th, 2007 4:13:30 am - Subscribe |
| I am not sure what it was that I saw in you that I couldn't let go. Go ahead and smoke yourself stupid because now it doesn't bother me anymore you are the one turning into the person you didn't want to be and I am the one moving away from the person I don't want to be. I am not weak and I do not need you. That is what I got out of this. You are a fake. Feed me made up lies about what people say about me just to keep me at bay. Waiting for you ever so patient. Well I found someone recently who thinks about others and thinks about me. Not about what I am doing but about who I am, and that feels good. I am not saying I am going for this, but i am saying I have options and that was something I needed to know. You're not my only choice. I am not ready to let go but I think i have to because you're not the person you used to be. Here is the beginning of what could be my final goodbye to a beautiful boy I once knew, what seemed like so long ago. |
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| mood: broken-hearted On the speakers:: Dallas Green |
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| Back to real. |
Dec 10th, 2007 9:19:38 pm - Subscribe |
| Now it's back to the river walking girl lifestyle I left in lowell to pursue the hopeful, and joyfilled life style I would find in Henniker New Hampshie. I was let down and now I believe not so much. My expectations were too high and now I am kissing boys because i am drunk on Jack Daniels and I don't feel a bit of remorse because I am making them fall for me like you made me fall for you. I know it's wrong, don't judge me please. I am hurting and I was drunk. I am confused. I left my 12 by 8 foot dorm in exchange for city lights and christmas hyped air. I don't need you to hold my hand I am on my own two feet now, alone away from you and I am completly happy. For the first time in my whole life I am on my own and i am okay with that. Just tell me how you feel. |
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| mood: terrified |
(1) comments |
| Still no sleep. |
Dec 7th, 2007 7:46:25 pm - Subscribe |
| Stop playing with my mind. I am not here for your amusment and I am not here for you to use me. You say that's not why you are here, you say you really do care. But honestly I think it's time for you to grow up. Stop being someone you're not because I can't handle it anymore. Giving up never looked so good. |
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| mood: pooped |
(2) comments |
| Ugh. |
Dec 7th, 2007 8:40:49 am - Subscribe |
I havn't slept in two days. I don't know if it's the lack of sleep or the ware and tear of my frayed heart but I simply cannot deal with your bullshit anymore. I don't want to hear that I am ugly, or stupid, or whore, or bitch or any other insult come out of your mouth towards me agian. Death, finals, and drama fill my air and I am looking for an escape route. There in the form of a knight. Gleaming silver and bright, something I have always looked for, let me be me and nothing more, nothing less. Sleep is no longer necessary really it's 8:38 am on a Friday and I havn't slept since about Saturday night. Breakfast wasn't as good as I wanted it to be and you aren't the person I thought you were. I don't care is you are mad at me. Just know that I do care and I am not giving up on you yet. Even though you refuse to believe me. |
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| mood: burned-out |
(1) comments |
| Rest in peace part 2. |
Dec 2nd, 2007 4:06:51 am - Subscribe |
I lost my grandmother a few days ago, and now one of my friends from highschool died in an accident. Wow. Rest in peace. |
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| mood: icky |
(2) comments |
| Goodbye. |
Nov 30th, 2007 12:48:57 am - Subscribe |
I guess this is goodbye to the most amazing woman I've ever had the pleasure to know. My grandmother died on November 28th, and 2:50pm. Rest in peace I love you always. |
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| mood: glum |
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| &Did you know I missed you... |
Nov 23rd, 2007 4:33:47 pm - Subscribe |
| Oh God I miss you so much it drives me insane. I think I almost love you but I don't think i could tell you that just yet. |
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| mood: awestruck |
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| Happy thanksgiving. |
Nov 22nd, 2007 1:08:33 am - Subscribe |
| I don't know if my life is falling apart or if it's getting better. My last living grandparent is deathly ill. She has pneumonia and her kidneys are failing. Which means that she could be dying. Not exactly the news I wanted to get while up at school. I came home two days early having to leave my boy behind. He lives in New Hampshire and I guess I can't officially call him my boy because we aren't dating but we like each other and sleep together every night. A whole week without him, I miss him already. I don't know if he misses me yet. He would never admit it to me. But things are getting better. I want to be in a real relationship with him, but I don't know how to say it. Well happy turkey day everyone. |
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| mood: okay |
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| I thought the seasons changed... |
Nov 16th, 2007 1:01:06 am - Subscribe |
| So the chill is here and there is ice on the windows. Almost all of the leaves have fallen off the trees. Winter is coming in so strong. It's so cold I can see my breath and I traded in flip flops for uggs. I love when the seasons change, but not so much when people do. |
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| mood: withdrawn |
(1) comments |
| &now you admit it. |
Nov 14th, 2007 11:59:32 pm - Subscribe |
With words as sweet as the wine I've been sipping. I heard you admit it. Leaving you and our close friend in my room so i could walk down the long hall to the bathroom. I was coming back about to open the door but instead words of your's caught my ear. You were talking about me. So i stopped heart pumping I listened. You said "I really like her" "I wouldn't do anything to hurt her" "We are together". And then I walked in and jumped up in the bed with you. <3 |
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| mood: loyal |
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| My Sunshine. |
Nov 9th, 2007 6:05:12 pm - Subscribe |
| "I like you so much, it's just sometimes I hate you too." ...Please wait. "No" I like you so much too, you know that. I am just scared to like you so I push you away. But I am trying so hard. "I know and that makes me happy." We both changed so much. "I know" "I miss you I can't wait to get back to school" I miss you too. "Goodnight/morning" Haha Goodnight/morning. And thanks you for finally answering me. "No problem" &it sounds like things are starting to get better. |
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| mood: Happy |
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| I'm trying. |
Nov 3rd, 2007 11:18:30 pm - Subscribe |
| The weather is getting colder and so are you. Your arms aren't as warm as they used to be and I think that's because they aren't around me. But atleast I know you care. Because you told me. And I'm scared but I trust you. I just hope you warm up soon. |
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| mood: subdued |
(1) comments |
| Help I need answers. |
Nov 1st, 2007 10:28:18 pm - Subscribe |
| I need answers! Okay so this guy were aren't technically "together" but we may as well should be. He tells me he likes me&I like him. I sleep in his bed everynight. We share things like we live together. We are pretty much the same person. Yeah we do all the sexual stuff. But it's intimate too. Well atleast at night when I am in his bed. But during the day he told me that he doesn't want to show affection, but at night it is okay. &his reason is because we aren't dating so why should we act that way? Does this sound like he is using me? |
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| mood: ill |
(3) comments |
| Come back. |
Oct 27th, 2007 4:35:31 am - Subscribe |
| These are slightly drunken words mixed with almost tears and so many emotions that world didn't even know they were there. The buzz is starting to ware off now and it's about time it's 430am and we have to get up at 10am. The slow dances were amazing the words sung from your lips into my ear and unto my neck where your breath laid down their feelings. Laced with alcohol and what could be almost love. The way your arms wrapped around my thin waist, the way you let me bury my head into your neck and you rested yours on mine, The songs that didn't last long enough the light from your desk flickering quickly making us feel more drunk than we are but still knowing what we are doing. Thank you for the moment I've waited for. The moment to prove myself to you. To show you what I could do. Kiss my neck one more time, get lost in my hair and I'll get lost in your eyes. Pick me up put me on your bed and let me lay my head down on your chest. This was all I needed. Perfect is how I would describe it untill your AIM window comes up and you see that she has IMed you drunk wanting you, needing you. And now I am sitting alone at the foot of your bed because she is fifteen and drank too much and she says she will hurt herself. But I am here and you are hurting me. But I am going to accept this because it's what I have to do. Wait for another night as good as this one. I know it won't come. |
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| mood: spiteful |
(1) comments |
| Vulnerable, weak, falling in love. |
Oct 25th, 2007 11:17:05 pm - Subscribe |
| I've fallen hard agian. Maybe harder than you've fallen for me. "I get too attached, and I don't wanna get attached too fast" so you left it up to me. I'm falling and not exactly sure what I am falling into. I'm vulnerable. I'm weak. I'm an emotional mess. I'm madly in love. Or am I? Too fast, too soon. Rushing head first into something neither of us were ready for. Something neither of us expected upon moving in. When I came to school I didn't think of midnight arguments, wrestling matches with punches thrown, just to end in laughs and kisses. It hurts to think that you're not over your ex, because I know we have a month long break coming up. That's a month sleeping alone. And I could bearly last a night. I know Bree is going to make a move. She messages you all the time trying to make you care. She is sneaky, deviant, too young. She is a Junior in highschool and we are in college. I am quite, reserved, patient, caring, waiting for you to notice that I can be beautiful and that I may be falling in love. Are you ready to catch me? |
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| mood: funny |
(1) comments |
| Mandy calling earth... are you there |
Oct 16th, 2007 7:48:16 pm - Subscribe |
| It's been about two months now and I still don't know the ins or outs of your little mind. But I am getting better, I know now that you do like me more than you lead on. I know how jealous you get over the littlest things, and you know what it kinda makes me laugh so I try to make you jealous on purpose because then you show me more attention. I just get so lonely sometimes, I feel unpretty, not good enough. I cry and get mad like everyone. I'm not as perfect as you want me to be. I am sick of hearing I am not as pretty as other girls. Just stop it please, You make me cry but then I can't help but smile when you come to wipe my tears away. My head is spinning in such a way that I don't even notice anymore. Words come out all at once, my head feels on the verge of explosion. My heart beats out of my chest, and my hands are shaking uncontrollably. I don't know what to do, I don't like being crazy. I want to be back to sanity. Let my feet touch the ground. |
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| mood: fidgety |
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| To a beautiful boy... |
Oct 5th, 2007 12:37:08 pm - Subscribe |
| Dear beautiful boy, I don't know what you do to me. You make me feel like I am drunk, but not quite sure on what. This is to the bitterflies and the fireworks. It's to the intensity in your eyes. You're Feirce and beautiful like only lightening during a storm could be. Let the warmth of your breath fall on the back of my neck, let me wrap in the warmth of your cashmere touch and feel you're body form agianst mine. You're everything I hate because you are just like me in so many ways. But I love it all the same. It's the way you tease me, and touch me. It's the way you kiss me and pull me in with those eyes. Eyes that give nothing away but are able to send chills down my spine. Seeing right through me and reading everything I am. Be as intense as you want but please be nice don't break me down agian. Love, Vulnerable girl. |
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| mood: vulnerable |
(1) comments |
| Great escape. |
Sep 30th, 2007 2:46:08 am - Subscribe |
| It's the climb out of bed and out the door to the cold mountain air and to your car. Rushing past the mountains and out of this small valley that holds our hearts, our secrets, and our lives. Leave this place behind and go to a place where nobody knows our names. Nobody knows that just a few weeks ago we both belonged to others. Away from the incriminating eyes, touch my hand and my heart. To Boston Harbor under the lights of buildings that are so tall from the ground they look like they would fall over on you. Dark alleys and bright eyes. Cold air and warm lips. Hold me close because nobody is around. Tell me you care for me and you don't know why. It might be my dark eyes or the way my hair curls, or how my cheeks get rosy when I wake up. Or is it my passion for truth and honesty. My raw emotion to make everything out in your face, everything known. The way my legs wrap yours and your arms wrap my waist. The collision of two people. The eruption of two beating hearts. What happens when two people become one? They fall hard, and they fight it. The tide is low and Boston smells cold. The moon is higher and the stars are brighter and I am deeper than I've ever been before. |
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| mood: vulnerable |
(2) comments |