Grind
Date: Jun 9th, 2007 4:00:37 pm - Subscribe
Mood: helpless


For the past week.. many events has occurred in my life.. many have been good many have been not so good.

lost and gain some friends.. trust base issues have been quite a ruckus. Hanging now between laziness and things needed to be dealt with.

i ought to come to my senses. Falling in falling out .. whats new in that category.. many of times it wasnt a very good experience i might say.

wish i was smarter at those times... wish i had more wisdom to move and pick. but well as its life's package, not much can be done but to learn n move on.

again i kinda lost me motivation n such.. so bored n just have nuthin to look forward for.
i wan income but too lazy to do anything about it.

how many of my mistake are of mine and which are made purposeful...

i have to thank my friends for being understandable and very patience with me as i learn and grow. its not been easy for ppl arnd me to get easy with me. those are they tat i could run my running tears to, those are they that could make my curve a strait. og what would i do without dem.

as i grow to be more mature, i begin to see many perspective of how i shld be forgiving to other as i have been, of how i shld tolerate the many things others do that in my life time has done. But still at times it take a toll on my patience and wish to smack some sense into dem, but have to hold back for they too must be given a chance to learn and grow from it.

I wish i could say to dem, ive been through this and give dem appropriate advice but it would really matter what i say, cuz many others can and if im not respected, my words are of a lost course, isnt it?

to get close to someone is not a simple task, especially when u really need to or want to, it jst doesnt comes naturally. and when it does, it jst doesnt comes at the good time. null again.

i began to worryof myself whether i could really get a job for myself that i wan n pays well at the same time. all the ppl arnd me seems to have qualification and am jst still without one. so discauraging.... but den again who is to blame... jst have to be strong and do somethiong about it..

hmm so many thing i wanna say but it jst become a bag of stuff too stifling for word to describe at the moment. lol .. i guess i will jst have to end here... running out of words to write..

May ur grace suffice me
May ur strength gives me an arms length
May ur favour so stain me
May ur hand be all that is to me
Comments: (1)


Blog Betrayed
Date: Jun 9th, 2007 3:40:42 pm - Subscribe
Mood: nutty


LoL.. sry i haven updated my blog for quite sometime now.

Been addicted to an online game called Granado Espada.

Quite a fun game to play actually .. u all shld try it.. its in preopen beta now..


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I imagine
Date: May 4th, 2007 5:32:48 pm - Subscribe
Mood: antsy


seeing you
and i know for sure
but
do i really know for sure
maybe it is not
maybe its just another
but
how can it be
since i feel so sure
how? shit!

well then,
approaching is far too courage like
since i am not too bold
again i cant let her walk by
geez how then?
frus nyer
pray in hope somehow
that i may get to know you
but in a moment you disappear

sigh
just so mind boggling
is it just that hard ar?
or is it just me?
i think its just me
since other can do it
i limit myself

oh how i wait the day
of miracle to happen
sigh
i dunno lar
just like a flower petal falls
never again to be seen
i wish you were mine in that moment

=)

*ahem *cough cough*
~I'm not talking about anyone particular.. Pls
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Jumping Jack
Date: May 4th, 2007 5:21:58 pm - Subscribe
Mood: malicious


Oh my i made a mistake doubting. shit. again i have volunteerily subscribe myself in another shit hole. damn! how i hate my doings. Now i have to wait for a period of time to reengineer the issue to point-blank zero. if it actually can reach point-black.

argh, why do i made the same mistake over n over again. Dont i jst learn from one. shit! totally bewildered with myself. NumbSkull! i am. pretty dense when it comes to this section of my numbskull brain. arrrgghh! pls pls pls let it slide. i hate reading history and worst is reading the history in present running simulation of the history. Only thing is, ITS NOT A SIMULATION!

grr... bite me and i will promise you i bite your head off. need to vent some anger... since i feel so damn stupid. well some of you wouldnt mind saying that i am actually stupid. jst for joke sake. BITE ME then.


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monetory advisory
Date: Apr 28th, 2007 2:31:43 pm - Subscribe
Mood: complicated


Went to a club for a friend's birthday party tonight. its was a "great success" party. nice bunch of ppl. tho i didnt talk much (as i always do), i enjoyed myself.

its a major turn off to me for those of my friends that cant handle their liquor. Well its fine to drink and get high or even piss drunk to wasted but try to at least abstain from insulting people and make people piss off. sigh .. a rather sad omen

well in other news.. i started work 2 days back and i must say its less then expected of me to find my job rather dull and unsatisfying. i really hope theres something to look out for in the coming days. Or else i would have just voluntarily registered myself into a living torment.

well, i do like the stuff related to the job but it does get pretty stump when there is nothing new to discover whilst doing the same shit everyday plus i have to do somethings that i dun have the heart of doing. sighhhhh i guess thats work.

well tonight, was a rather fine night. i wanted to do something and chill with my friends, the party served the purpose pretty well aside the "ei i not drunk la". Few of them i know they are not drunk because i know that they know what liquor they are actually holding in their hand. ah lets leave it at that. im pretty sure you get what i mean.
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Who is she?
Date: Apr 22nd, 2007 5:27:14 pm - Subscribe
Mood: awestruck




OMG .. can anyone tell me who this chick is.... i absolutely adore her ..... uuuuuuuuu

i wish she was mine .... cry.gif
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Do While Not Despondent
Date: Apr 21st, 2007 3:18:11 pm - Subscribe
Mood: brave


i kind of got to vent my frustration out on my blog and interestingly i never taught i would ever. but i guess its good since most of the time the readers wont be able to understand what i am trying to rant about. lol its all good i guess

tonight i feel rather at peace, one of my problems has found its salvation due to God's help and me dispersing some undetermined direction of mind attraction. its sort of some feeling felt all about.

i linger around for abit in my surrounding and i found that the air was easier to breathe then before. i imagine it was like kicking the thin air and actually hit something. i dunno .. i dun seem to make any sense.

change is good however the outcome... but pain is what makes reality real. oh well .. tonight dun really feel like talking about anything, just wanna simply blurt something out..

its time for new stuff in my life.. add some credits to my life.
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Aggravating Distress Of My Soul
Date: Apr 19th, 2007 5:03:00 pm - Subscribe
Mood: stunned


surpass the flow over and you will see that the flow over was already flowing over before you taught it was flowing over.

i set silence beneath me as i look towards my horizon of my connection's combination and surprises. a surreal strange feeling pulsate through me causing me to embrace some sort disgust but yet not disgust but more of "hey I'm gonna stay away man"

isolation my sought of freedom, but of such i severe many packets interchange. i am so sick and bored of transmission of taughts which more or less ends in half ends anyway. like a spear thrown, with its means to pierce but in the end fails to succeed its task.

unbelievable i taught that i would actually screen this, but the matter of fact is, its a sooner or later matter. Why am i shown this screening? i so have to wonder deeply.

tiresome my mind is to trail along side and which is utmost utterly almost too hard to match the frequencies of packet distribution.

and again silence befriend me. i lost myself in my speech which announces taughts and from taughts it begin. i have nothing to say... mann i am just ... nuthin to say PERIOD

then again the world circulates by nature without mercy for those that wants a pause in the circle.i share the victims heart and mind. i humble myself to those who par on the standard n does not give up whilst waiting victory to arrive.

sorted out at the end, i myself became too dense, full of words, perplexedly slam to the ground with shut eyes. in a moment as serenity grips my sub conscience, i then regain a center when the noise is reduce to zero dB.
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absence
Date: Apr 17th, 2007 4:03:18 pm - Subscribe
Mood: conflicted


can i just run away n keep all the connection all connected?

its such a pain/dread/troublesome/exasperating/irritating/you name it, to wait for people to take their course in life. many as such is cause by time and age factors also not to mention circumstances.

i bleed my soul out trying to parallel with n to suppress my anger to mockery solutions.

my lungs never dreamt more of explosion then it wants implosion.. and if by God's permission it could wish for no better then to have both to happen concurrently. which is quite impossible (thus the expression of its frustration)

however, i packed my box of temperament giving it just the amount of pressure suffice its calmness to gain just as my wager to suffice my daily solitary arguments.

anger is my depth
bright is my face to day
to flip my sides is my truth
and in full doubt you'll see my light

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accomplishment
Date: Apr 15th, 2007 1:58:01 pm - Subscribe
Mood: sedated


i cant really seem to understand what begins and what actually tries to end.

at the end, it begins. so how?

i would like to take a walk in a place known to none and feel non-existence for a brief moment of time. That i may feel a certain peace and recollect my memories of unending taughts.

as problems sometimes seem quite distance away, like a slingshot seen from afar, but before u know it, it hits you so hard you actually cry. saddening i must say..

just like an everyday event, you layered things to pile and stack and pile and stack and pile again, in a period, it begins you with distance. as the rubbish just simply layers upon itself, you find yourself certainly heavy for some reason.

soon afterwards, this thing call failure introduce itself to you. hey if u you are even "able" to carry this world upon your shoulder, it is not then you that has to worry, it is the world that has to worry for having someone like you to fall back to. no one is perfect just as the world was made to be perfect but yet in itself made perverse. Ironic isn't it.

clearly here it seem like its going no where, but actually its going somewhere. Where?
why don't you take over the wheel.
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