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crowsblood Birth Month - Subscribe







Your Birthdate: July 7

Born on the 7th day of month gives you a tendency to be something of a perfectionist and makes you more individualistic in many ways.

Your mind is good at deep mental analysis and complicated reasoning.

You are very psychic and sensitive, and you should usually follow your hunches.



You may not take orders too well, so you may want to work alone or in a situation where you can be the boss.

This birthday gives a tendency to be somewhat self-centered and a little stubborn.



What Does Your Birth Date Mean?


Hm. Sounds a lot like me, especially the "individualistic" part. If complicated reasoning has anything to do with mathematics, then this is dead wrong. Have I done this one before?
5 Comments
Mood: sick

crowsblood Everything's OK May 24th, 2005 1:38:00 am - Subscribe
Everything turned out ok. I explained it to the teacher, and she was all, "That's ok. As long as you had a script, then it's fine. The script was the most important part." I told her the script was a little messed up, showing her that some was written in hiragana/katakan, some in plain Japanese words, and all in English. She said that was fine, too. So, everything is cool. Actually, a lot of people didn't get it done. So, she made us all right a story that was three-pages long in about 45 minutes using a quote from a sheet. XD I wouldn't been a little reluctant, but I love writing! ^^ I guess I write good under force or something. I wrote my story about a person who loves his mother so much he kills her. Karasu influenced me! I'm not demented! See, I have excuses! o_O >_>

So, yeah. Other than that, I met a few new people. They welcomed me into their group. ^^ New friends, possibly? It's not like they're a bad group, either. Anime fans, hyper-active people, that kind of stuff. I get along with those people really well. I guess I just don't want to say for certain I've made friends because of what happened recently. I'll get over it. Just angry, I suppose.

I don't like how I wrote my entry. I feel stupid.
3 Comments
Mood: inquisitive

crowsblood Always Rely on Yourself, Nobody Else. May 23rd, 2005 4:42:44 am - Subscribe
I am so disappointed at my friend. She didn't come through, again. Sure, she helped me out some, but when I really needed her, she flaked out. I don't care if her dad said she couldn't come, she should have asked sooner. Now, I'm probably going to fail Sophomore English because of her. Wonderful. I have enough stress that comes with school because of all my absences. I hope the teacher will sympathize with me, and give me more time. I can finish it, and find someone more realiable if given the chance. I've worked my ass off trying to, once again, rewrite the script. You know how much time that takes up writing the words into a different language when you're teaching yourself in that particular language?! It's hard as stove-baked shit.

I suppose it's something I do deserve, though. Although it wasn't like I wasn't trying to help, a lot of the time I didn't come through to these girls in Child Development. I was gone a lot because I there was so much going on, my stomach condition was so bad that I couldn't move in the morning. Huh. Well, they still didn't have a reason to say I was skipping and tell lies about me when they didn't know my situation . . .

Never rely on anyone, because there's a good chance they won't come through for you. >_> Only depend on yourself, and no one else.
4 Comments
Mood: disgusted

crowsblood Brief Update May 22nd, 2005 5:38:00 am - Subscribe
I'm at Shipper's house, spending the night and "supposed to be doing the script for the skit tomorrow." XD We've got nothing done, and we're just sitting her surfing for her sim stuff.

Shipper says, "When life, or anything, get's hard, fuck it! Ha . . hahaha . . Sorry." XD
2 Comments
Mood: cheesy

crowsblood Hate List - People and Life May 21st, 2005 5:33:54 am - Subscribe

I hate . . .


** I hate how everyone only talks to me if they want something from me.

** I hate how people see my annoyance as bitchiness. Seriously, am I going to be happy if one person after another wants something from me?

** I hate how everyone seems to laugh at me, like I'm stupid, when there's clearly nothing to laugh about.

** I hate how people get pissed when I jokingly say I'm stupid, and yet, stupid is just how the precieve me.

** I hate how everyone thinks I'm weak, just because I'm skinny. Or how they ask if I'm anorexic, or comment on other things about my fucked-up health. It's really nothing I can change, I've been checked . . .

** I hate how most other people have more than I do, or are able to be more than I will ever be.

** I hate how my weaknesses seem to magnified by situations.

** I hate how no one can love me.

** I hate how I'm not good enough for anyone.

** I hate how I'm not pleasing to the eye.

** I hate how I have to deal with things that other teens don't have to, and as a result, I know too much, I feel too much, and I can't enjoy life and be happy. Something is always bothering me, something is always wrong. I don't ever think I've been geniunely happy, and it's probably impossible for me in the future.

** I hate people that are so happy, show-off, and have so many friends. I hate it when they make comments that show how great, brave, pretty, etc, they are.

** I hate so much more about like and people, that I could go on and on . . .

** Most of all, I hate myself.
0 Comments
Mood: hateful

crowsblood I Might Be In Deep Shit! May 21st, 2005 3:09:24 am - Subscribe
Not cool, not cool.

My friend Shipper is supposed to gather up some of her friends (because I don't have nearly enough in this stupid town) for a movie that I have to write and film for my final project in Language Arts. Sadly, she's leaving my on the edge here. She might have to babysit, and the damn lady won't tell her when, so I won't know until tomorrow. Sunday's only a day away after Saturday, people! I have to do this!

I have bad karma when it comes to Shipper, I swear. Everything always tries to happen when we try to get together. However, this is much more important than a silly get-together; my passing of LA relies on this.
1 Comments
Mood: stressed

crowsblood Lat Day for Seniors May 18th, 2005 11:20:07 pm - Subscribe
So, it was the last day of school for all the seniors. I only know one senior, Koyako, whom I never see at school and always am able to visit. Why do I feel so empty and depressed that they're all leaving?

Maybe it's because I'm afraid of change. >_> Anyway, I feel kind of depressed, that feeling you get in the pit of your stomach when you're saying goodbye permanently, or when someone you know-but don't quite know enough to personally care for-dies.

I hope I can go to Koyako's graduation ceremony. I should go running around, hugging people and saying, "Don't goooo!" ^^

Other than that, here's an interesting fact: I threw up at school twice, and I got to come home early. o_O
5 Comments
Mood: empty

crowsblood Yo! May 13th, 2005 4:24:33 am - Subscribe
Yo!

Long time, no see . . again. I don't really think I'm going to be doing a layout anytime soon. My dad's even being more of an ass, so there's no way I can make a cool layout and post it here. Have I mentioned my problem with my computer mouse? Yeah, well, it's not getting any better. It'll be a damn miracle if I'm able to post this.

Several people have told me that it's the mouse that's giving me the problems, not the computer. I suppose I'll believe them. After all, I've done everything on my computer to try to solve the problem, and nothing has worked. There's just certain things that it does that make me go, "Hmm . ."

Everything here has been terrible. My dad, school, etc. One more thing to add to my list is that I've stopped taking my medication. So, my body is really out-of-whack right now. I'll get better, though. I can't guarantee I'll pass my classes this year, though. Heh.

We have nothing to drink in this house! What goes with greasy pizza better than a nice cold coke? Too bad all I can find is water. Ugh . .
1 Comments
Mood: icky

crowsblood Away Apr 27th, 2005 3:14:21 am - Subscribe
So much is going on in my life right now, everything is jsut so stressful. My asshole dad, school, people talking behind my back . . I have so much to say, that I don't want to write it down. I wanted to reassure msyelf, however, that I still have an online blog that needs caring for. lol

How's everyone doing?
2 Comments
Mood: rotting

crowsblood Just A Thought Apr 6th, 2005 4:28:36 am - Subscribe
Megami-sama, I need to change my damn layout again. It looks . . dull. O_O

Oh, um, hi! I'm not dead, as some wish. Booya, haha!
2 Comments
Mood: burdened

crowsblood Anime Conventions Seem Boring If You Aren't "Anime." Mar 20th, 2005 8:19:27 pm - Subscribe
Koyako wants to take me to an anime convention, but I looked it up, and it sounds like it's totally boring if you don't dress up as anyone. I'm someone you'd hardly call an "anime fan," and I hardly know any anime characters! The only one I really know is Karasu, and I'm sure-as-hell not dressing up as him! I'm not sure if I want to go to this. Sure, I could just dress up as anyone, but then if someone . . Argh! I don't belong in one of those things! I'm fucking confused! She told me on really short notice, too, dammit! I need Shipper to enlighten me!

Andrea needs to call me, today. I have a feeling I'll be doing the calling, though. She's an awesome friend and all, but she can be extremely last-minute, and I can't afford that at this time. I have my dad to deal with! I'm stressing out on everything for no reason. It doesn't help that my mom seems to be pressuring me to dress up for this convention. She's all, "You should dress up. You never do anything fun." I hate when she does that, especially when it's something as pointless as dressing up for some dumbass convention. No offense to any anime fans, of course! ^_^

I need to take a shower. This rainy weather doesn't help any.
2 Comments
Mood: stressed

crowsblood Uhm . . . Mar 19th, 2005 6:37:18 pm - Subscribe
I haven't updated in a while because my computer was being disfuntional. I don't know if I fixed the problem, but it's been fine the last two times I turned it on and began to use it.

Spring Break is finally here! W00T! Too bad I have to stay at my dad's house. Sigh, I hate staying over there! It's completely unfair for me to have to go there! In three more years, I won't have to. In three more years, he won't have any control over me . . .

My friend is visiting from Oregon. I hope I'll be able to see her. We're planning to meet, but it depends on if my dad wants to be a selfish fucktard or not.
3 Comments
Mood: hollow

crowsblood STD Slides Mar 10th, 2005 11:24:51 pm - Subscribe
Today went better. I didn't piss everyone off. It was actually pretty fun, besides the headache that's pounding on the sides and the back of my head. Oh, and making up my math test wasn't so fun, either. At least it's over with. I'm almost free of make-up work!

Health was pretty gruesome. We saw pictures of genital warts and other STD effects. I got to control the clicker! You know, the thing that changes the slides! We got free chocolate, too. W00T!!

Tonight I'm going to see "Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events". I have no idea how I'll like it, but I have a feeling I'll like a great deal more than "The Incredibles." Damn DBZ rip-offs. LOL. O_O
3 Comments
Mood: oily

crowsblood Dull Pencils Aren't Only Used For Writing Mar 10th, 2005 3:01:21 am - Subscribe
It seems like I was pissing off all my teachers today. Most people would be all, "Yeah, whatever, fuck off, Teach," but I'm not. It really made me feel bad. I hate being imperfect, and I hate it when I disappoint someone, especially someone who is superior to me. I cried today, because of what I did. I feel so worthless and unlovable now. I want to punish myself. Earlier, I was driven to inflicting pain on myself. It's a good thing I only has dull pencils and some pens; nothing that could make me bleed easily. I'll get better, though, it just takes time. Curing the mind is a hard task, especially when you're emotionally unstable.

I think I made a new friend, today. She's new, and a freshman. It must be hard to be new like that, especially with all the "stupid freshmen" crap. I'm a sophomore, and I know your maturity isn't based on your grade. A sophomore is hardly better than a freshman.

Oh, hey, Journace! It's nice to see an old internet friend! I'll visit your link. I got tired of Mindsay's new version, it was so . . limited! I visit, though, every once in a blue moon.
3 Comments
Mood: bipolar

crowsblood Punch Line Mar 9th, 2005 6:28:35 am - Subscribe
My stomach has been upset for these last few days. It only bothers me in the evening and first thing in the morning, though, strangely. That's good, though! It doesn't bother me while I'm at school! I think I've got some stubborn gas up there that doesn't want to come out! XD . . . Ok, I really don't wanna go into detail about my bodily functions . . I'll stop now. LOL.

Today was a normal day. School, of course. I talked a little more than I usually do, and I think that's kind of good. I hope I didn't scare anyone with my false funneh-ness, though. In Health, we had a speaker come in, talking about sex and how it can ruin your life if you don't follow guidelines of safe sex. We had to stick a piece of tape to our arm, then pass it to someone of the opposite sex. The girl next to me had it, and there weren't any boys who DIDN'T have it on already, so I was all, "C'mon, you can be a lesbo!" They laughed a little, but I keep thinking, "Not cool! Keep your mouth shut!" That happens whenever I talk with anyone new, though. Maybe that's the reason people are shy, because their scared of how people will take what comes out of their mouth.

I hope nobody took that wrong. I'm straight. Not that there's anything wrong with being a lesbian, of course.
0 Comments
Mood: inferior

crowsblood Can Nobody See Me Dying Here? Mar 6th, 2005 11:22:49 pm - Subscribe

It's already Sunday, and I have to write a short story that is completely in Spanish, and draw some pictures that go with it, by tomorrow. It wouldn't been so hard, but I'm working so hard on drawing the pictures on separate peices of paper, and I'm trying to make them stunning. I not only want to show my teacher that I'm not a lazy ass and that I've really been struggling, but I also want to gain some recognition from my classmates. Selfish, but I need it, I feel so alone and unliked. I've never had a friend that admired me. I guess you can say I've never had a true friend at all. Everyone runs away from me, or abuses me verbally and emotionally just because I'm different. The few that do like me, the world always find a way to separate us.

I hate the world and life with a passion, but I especially hate myself. I don't know why I hang around just to keep suffering.
3 Comments
Mood: despondent

crowsblood Birth Month Quiz Mar 5th, 2005 10:19:26 pm - Subscribe
Snagged this from Amy's blog.


Take the quiz: "What does your birth month reveal about you?"

July
Fun to be with. Secretive. Difficult to fathom and to be understood.Quiet unless excited or tensed. Takes pride in oneself. Has reputation. Easily consoled. Honest. Concerned about people's feelings. Tactful. Friendly. Approachable. Emotional temperamental and unpredictable. Moody and easily hurt. Witty and sparkly. Not revengeful. Forgiving but never forgets.Dislikes nonsensical and unnecessary things. Guides others physically and mentally. Sensitive and forms impressions carefully. Caring and loving. Treats others equally. Strong sense of sympathy. Wary and sharp. Judges people through observations. Hardworking. No difficulties in studying.
0 Comments
Mood: cheerful

crowsblood Uuugghh . . Mar 4th, 2005 11:04:27 pm - Subscribe
I'm sicker than ever, so I don't have to go to my dad's. Yes!

Oh, and I didn't go to school, again. I really did want to! I'm just too sick, though! I'd be pretty much useless, anyway. Ugh, my head hurts so bad! Last night was terrible. I didn't feel any aches or pains, and yet, I felt like dying. That's the worse pain, since you can't pinpoint where the discomfort is coming from.

My head isn't clear, so I'm jsut basically typing whatever crap comes to my disordered mind. WTF, my mind is always disordered! >_> See what I mean?
2 Comments
Mood: ill

crowsblood I Don't Feel Good. Mar 4th, 2005 2:43:17 am - Subscribe
I feel so sick today! It feels like the flu rather than a cold. In 3rd period, all I could do at first was rest my head on my desk. I was so tempted to go home, but I've already missed to much school, and I don't want to bother Lilian or the nurse again. Everyone was all, "Go to the nurse Duh!" and I was all, "Noo, I've missed to much school." I took a nap, though, and I hope that after I eat dinner, I'll feel better.

I'm going to be an over-achiever for Spanish, and instead of a comic, draw individual pictures for the Spanish story. Also, I'm determined to make it really long, and really interesting. Weird, too.

Dare I go downstairs looking and feeling like this? There's company downstairs. I'll risk it. I should find a mask, first, though. **rummage-rummage** Aha! **holds up Karasu's mask** XDD Yeah, I wish . . . No self-inserting, please! **slaps herself** . . . You don't know what I'm speaking of, do you? I don't want to explain, I just want to FEEL BETTER!! Is that so much to ask? I'm already tormented with on-going stomach problems!!

. . . Ahem.
3 Comments
Mood: sick

crowsblood Bad Poetry Mar 2nd, 2005 6:05:08 am - Subscribe
I was bored, so I wrote some dark poetry. I'll post this, and then it's off to bed. My mom made a new rule today, since she thought I was faking cramps and just was too tired to go to school. I have to get off at 11:00. Oh well, life is like that. That's not too bad, anyway. I have to admit that it's really more than enough time.




You can be sure that the pain is blistering,

And that my soul is shattering.

Continue smiling your macabre leer,

Wait until I am driven to tears.


How much louder do I have scream until your satisfied?

Is my pain good enough for you, or do I have to die?


I've bled for you a thousand times,

I've pleaded to you a hundred rhymes!


Is my pain good enough for you?

Do I have to die?
1 Comments
Mood: blank