xmidnightx's Aeonity Blog Friend Page

My Friends: perfect110, emorimmed, prettydead, xstarx, iix8vii, arionsrage
My Blogs Next Page

arionsrage With thee conversing I forget all time: All seasons and their change, all please alike. - Subscribe

wow, it's been awhile hasn't it. I can honestly say that I have been blog free since my last post.

Upon completion of a newly acquired trilogy and being alone for past several hours, my mind wondered to this place; partially out of nostalgia but also because I wanted to see the place that kept me company during a summer I hope I never experience again.

How things have changed. My childhood is a list of different cities and a conglomeration of memories that have melted together. I sympathize with the elderly; the integrity of my memory is absurdly poor. This site is one of the few places on the internet that I have vocalized my thoughts. They serve as sturdy posts in a strong current as life races by.

The computer I’m on now is nearly four years old (I feel that’s about 120 years in computer years). I had turned it off, half expecting to never use it again. When I came to retrieve some old information, I accidentally opened my web browser. Displayed in my bookmarks was this site. I didn’t visit here expecting to post, but I also didn’t expect my username and password to still be saved.

This post will be white noise in a never ending ocean, but for me it will be another post to hold on to and remember (with accuracy) of the time I spent here.

I hope to visit as often as I can

0 Comments

arionsrage it's the mistake i won't regret Jul 16th, 2006 1:11:34 am - Subscribe

I'm going to retract my previous statement made about My Chemical Romance's Three Cheers For Sweet Revenge.

The album has grown on me.

1 Comments
Mood: freezing

arionsrage the saddest sound I ever heard, we sang along Jul 16th, 2006 1:05:46 am - Subscribe

"Black Comedy"
(feat. Neva Dinova)

Well once I gave a look to you but you never gave it back
So here I stand expressionless but my memory's intact
I guess the past is good for a laugh
A comedy so dry and black
It makes my stomach hurt so bad, I cried
So two thumbs up we give this one despite it's predictable ending
Dialogue seemed rushed and wrong but the actors did their best
To lay some worth on every word
Like coffins dropped into the earth
The saddest sound I ever heard, we sang along
We sang it, take this weight away
We sang it, take this weight away
We sang it, take this weight away
Away
Away

0 Comments

xstarx quiz May 23rd, 2006 10:00:20 pm - Subscribe

TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF - The Survey
Name: heidi
Birthday: 31 march
Birthplace: Leicester
Current Location: Leicester
Eye Color: Blue (amazing blue)
Hair Color: blonde (au naturele(
Height: 5"1
Right Handed or Left Handed: Right
Your Heritage: english/irish
The Shoes You Wore Today: black converse... the old uns!
Your Weakness: wayne
Your Fears: fish and fire
Your Perfect Pizza: hmm... tough one
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year: to stay as happy as i can!
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger: hehe :p
Thoughts First Waking Up: wheres my wayney?
Your Best Physical Feature: N/A
Your Bedtime: when wayne stops txtn me...
Your Most Missed Memory: daddy
Pepsi or Coke: cherry coke
MacDonalds or Burger King: Macydees
Single or Group Dates: singles (sorry baby... i prefer just you and i)
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: Nestea all the way
Chocolate or Vanilla: Chocolate
Cappuccino or Coffee: Cappuccino
Do you Smoke: nope!
Do you Swear: way too much
Do you Sing: way too much...
Do you Shower Daily: Of course
Have you Been in Love: right now
Do you want to go to College: Yup
Do you want to get Married: Yup
Do you belive in yourself: nope
Do you get Motion Sickness: sometimes
Do you think you are Attractive:nope
Are you a Health Freak: nope
Do you get along with your Parents: HA you having a laugh...?
Do you like Thunderstorms: depends what mood im in
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol: guilty
In the past month have you been on Drugs: No way
In the past month have you gone on a Date: what constitutes as a date...
In the past month have you gone to a Mall: Is that a shopping centre? If so yes
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos: nope, what about an oreo cookie surprise? still no...
In the past month have you eaten Sushi: yuck
In the past month have you been on Stage: dunno
In the past month have you been Dumped: no
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping: in the shower... and bath... with prying eyes...
In the past month have you Stolen Anything: no
Ever been Drunk:yes...
Ever been called a Tease: i guess..

Ever been Beaten up: yea...
Ever Shoplifted: i already said twice i don't steal!
How do you want to Die: quietly, if not, making as much noise possible
What do you want to be when you Grow Up: an artist
What country would you most like to Visit: iceland
In a Boy/Girl..
Favourite Eye Color: blue
Favourite Hair Color: blonde/fair or really dark
Short or Long Hair: whatever really
Height: tall
Weight: something to hold on to please
Best Clothing Style: whatever, not uber chav... comfortable with themself
Number of Drugs I have taken: None
Number of CDs I own: too many
Number of Tattoos: nah
Number of things in my Past I Regret: don't start

0 Comments
Mood: indecisive

xstarx i guess that went well... May 23rd, 2006 5:16:54 pm - Subscribe

so today i had my first AS exam! it was english!
we had 3 exams, one on the poems we studied, on on the texts we studied and one on the two novels we studied.
the poem one was bollocks... couldn't do that one, really not confident about that! then the second one went better, i just wrote about aptonyms and use of words... i hope it was okay...
then the novel one seemed to go well i guess! i had plenty to write about which is always a good thing, i did the plan, spent about 20 mins on that, and i needed the extra 10 mins i gained from only spending 20 on the plan lol!
but i think it was okay

i hope...

psychology is on thursday and im dreading that, tmra i will just cram big time! get as much done as i can lol

hehe i miss wayne...

and its that cheeky little feeling too... the blushing one... not the needy, moany one

hehe how i love him

0 Comments
Mood: overstimulated
: something corporate

xstarx MRS FUCKING TIT HEAD May 22nd, 2006 11:24:47 am - Subscribe

its lisa here... wtf!!! to me you are mrs chatterson
i hate that whore

come into school to NUMBER PIECES OF PAPER! just incase the examiner is a dumb shit... IF HE IS AN EXAMINER... HE ISN'T GOING TO BE STUPID IS HE?

i am in such a state now!

why does she have to be so idiotic

i think i want to kill her!

0 Comments
Mood: pissed off to high heaven
: dance dance - fall out boy

xstarx reflection... May 21st, 2006 9:34:53 pm - Subscribe

well im just home from waynes house! was cool!
last night we ordered an indian in, because elaine and rob were over, that was really nice.

wayne was really good to me last night, he snuggled up to me, kissed me in loads of places, he was really making an effort. i hope he knows i do appreciate it

then we stayed up talking for ages, and his mommy told us off hehe. that hasn't happened in ages! lol!

then that night, i had some really bad dreams, except i only remember 1 of 3. i know i had three but i don't know what they were about... it was weird. but in the morning i was in such a mess... i was all jittery, but wayne looked after me, kissed and cuddled me, stroked my hair. he really helped me.

then before i went, we had an argument, i know he is right, and i told him, which was really hard... it felt horrible

well, i hope things are okay now...? i really want to make things work, but he has to help me and be patient and work WITH me...
i don't think he understands what it feels like to be constantly criticised... about everything...
but enough about that, i know what i have to try and do, and i will try hard! lol

my head is POUNDING, i felt like i had an awesome nights sleep last night, turns out i hadn't because of these dreams

so im pretty tired

night all x

0 Comments
Mood: wounded
: blink 182... strange :S

xstarx weather sucks... May 20th, 2006 10:49:08 am - Subscribe

*yawn* just gotten up, come downstairs to see if trouble was online, he wasn't, but his brother was... lol
blimey its cold down here! id go back and snuggle up in bed if mr would only tell me the plan for today!

lol i don't know if im seeing him or not, it would be really strange not to... i would like to see him!

its 11:30, hes gotta be awake... hmm

well i think my best bet is to go hop in the shower, get myself all pretty (if i can) and just sit and wait for the monster to txt me or call me! silly moo if he doesn't txt back by 12:15 i shall have to call him, which i don't want to do!

i hate asking him to do somehting then having to do it myself! meh
nevermind

weather is shit today, its cold, merky looking, dull, ooh and as i speak it has just pelted it down with rain! yipee...

moms out all day, till late, i was hoping that might pursuade wayne to come over... i know how much he hates her...
i like how he sticks up for me though, yesterday she practically trashed my room, i told him and it seemed like he flipped... :s

That is one of the things i like in men though, someone who will be on my side, someone who looks after me, strong. wayne is all of those things, he makes me feel so safe, i love him

i had the weirdest dream last night...
it was like a music festival, but it was footballl... there was music playing throughout and it was all the world cup teams, and arsenal, oh and leicester. i remember seeing england, france and the ukraine. I met Theirry Henry (ABSOLUTE GOD) and some of the england squad too..
then when the ukraine played... it was a circus act... with a football... :s but Shevchenko, he gave me a load of leaflets, and i fainted, i treasured them. then after, he ccame out and started talking to me, and he kissed me (just a little peck) and i was just like... wow... wayne was really happy for me though, which was cool. Shevchenko is possibly THE most gorgeous footballer in the world! ooh and the ukrane had loads of pyrotechnics everywhere, and some of them were breathing fire... :s it was really weird... ooh and i met steven gerrard, he was playing for england in his liverpool strip... it was odd

1 Comments
Mood: insane
: incubus, all their albums on shuffle

xstarx tee hee May 19th, 2006 6:35:29 pm - Subscribe

ahh im so sickly aren't i! fuck it, i don't care! im in love and i don't care who knows it! infact, i want everyone to know it! aaah!

0 Comments
Mood: dandy
: annoying sales reps who are treating me like a 3 year old

xstarx IM BACK! :P May 19th, 2006 6:23:04 pm - Subscribe

hey folks! xstarx is back! hehe! its been a while! wonder who still blogs round here now?

well i can safely say how much i have grown since the last time i blogged on here, must have been just before christmas, i remember blogging about wayne inviting me over on christmas day. that didn't turn out but christmas was awesome anyway. he got me a nano for christmas, amazing huh! and for my birthday, he bought me the most beautiful ring hehe. lol how random... what else has been going on in the life of star?

well ive finished year 12! its gone so fast! things with wayne are back to normal, it seems we have gotten over our storm cloud which is awesome! im back in the butterfly stage, i love it! hehe! i love him! hehe well in a week, we will have been together for 8 months! amazing huh! its been awesome!

i have my first AS exam on tuesday, its english, meh i can't be arsed anymore! nevermind, i have to do it if i want to achieve anything lol!

Well, im back, hopefully for good, i think i will have some time on my hands now hehe

well im off to do some editing to this baby! hehe

star x

0 Comments
Mood: snazzy
: bloc party - so here we are

arionsrage i got a long way to go in getting further away Apr 21st, 2006 4:43:58 pm - Subscribe

What I hate, beyond measure, is the inability to keep yourself from falling in love.

No matter how badly I try to stop it, I can't help myself.

1 Comments

perfect110 Friendss Mar 13th, 2006 3:44:02 am - Subscribe

Friends get to read special thoughts
They get to understand the person more than anyone else
They get an insiders view

Don'tchya wanna be my friend.
If you understand this you can read my posts.

30 Comments
Mood: lovely

arionsrage late night regrets Mar 6th, 2006 6:01:49 am - Subscribe

At the beginning of the semester, one of my professors wrote the grade scale on the board. I started to copy the points into my syllabus, and then stopped around the A- area. I wrote outside on the margin, "I do not anticipate failure."

I began this semester with the goal to read all the assigned chapters, do all the homework, and know what the lecture was going to be about before I showed up to class.

Now, I'm going to have a conversation with my parents about dropping out of college. I made a 48 on my most recent test. I have a project due in the same class tomorrow.

I don't know what the project is.

I have recently been trying to convince myself that not having a college degree is ok.

At the beginning of the semester I quit running, started smoking, and decided I wanted to invest in a zippo lighter.

Now I've quit smoking and started running. But I still don't have a zippo lighter.

I'm thinking about moving to Flagstaff, Arizona. I've always been fond of the country.
Maybe I'll buy my lighter there.

1 Comments

arionsrage another lonely night i got to race the clock Feb 25th, 2006 11:43:41 pm - Subscribe

Watch you on the one's and two's.
Through a window in a well lit room.
Become a recluse.
And I blame myself because I make things hard
and you're just trying to help.
And when I wake up you're the first to call.
This is one more late night basement song.
And I'm so sore.
My voice has gone to hell.

And this is one more sleepless night because we don't believe in filler.
Baby, if I could I'd sit this out.

(This is over when I say it's over.)
This is a lesson in procrastination.
I kill myself because I'm so frustrated.
Every single second that I put it off
Means another lonely night I got to race the clock.
(I ignore it and it ignores me too.)
What say we go and crash your car?
And every time I leave you go and lock the door.
So I walk myself picking at a chip on my shoulder.
I'm another day late and one year older.
It's failure by design.

And we just want sleep.
But this night is hell.
I'm sick and sunk and I blame myself because I make things hard
and you're just trying to help.
I got no gas. (No Gas)
I'm winding out my gears.
This is one more day on the verge of tears.
And now my head hurts. ( Head hurts)
And my health is a joke.
Now I got to stop because the headphones broke.

We don't believe in filler.
Baby, if I could I'd sit this out.

(This is over when I say it's over.)
This is a lesson in procrastination.
I kill myself because I'm so frustrated.
Every single second that I put it off
Means another lonely night I got to race the clock.
(I ignore it and it ignores me too.)
What say we go and crash your car?
And every time I leave you go and lock the door.
So I walk myself picking at a chip on my shoulder.
I'm another day late and one year older.
It's failure by design.

I'm out of everything.
But no one sleeps till we get this shit out on the shelves.
It's late. I'm faltering.
But this time I got nothing to say besides:
Do Do Do. Do Do Do.
Do Do Do. Do Do Do. (Get this shit out on the shelf)
Do Do Do. Do Do Do.
Do Do Do. Do Do Do. (Get this shit out on the shelf)
Do Do Do. Do Do Do.
Do Do Do. Do Do Do. (Get this shit out on the shelf)
Do Do Do. Do Do Do.
Nothing to say besides!

(This is over when I say it's over.)
This is a lesson in procrastination.
I kill myself because I'm so frustrated.
Every single second that I put it off
Means another lonely night I got to race the clock.
(I ignore it and it ignores me too.)
What say we go and crash your car?
And every time I leave you go and lock the door.
So I walk myself picking at a chip on my shoulder.
I'm another day late and one year older.
I'm a failure by design.

0 Comments

arionsrage keep your ear to the ground Feb 5th, 2006 9:58:00 pm - Subscribe

The last couple weeks haven't been so bad. In accordance with Newton's third law, I've been as happy as I've been depressed. I haven't experienced much of either category.

Because of a reference, I've started to read "The problem of Pain" by C.S. Lewis. One of my better friend's dad had a tumor taken out of his face. This helped fuel my motivation to read the book.

The book is like a super model. Very beautiful, but I'm just not attracted to it. You have to make some leaps in faith to believe everything he says. He does talk about Numinous, which I took pleasure in learning about.

I figure, when I'm at the point where I have to buy a house, I'll build a cheap Japanese style home in a forest.

I don't believe in mortgages, or credit cards.

0 Comments

arionsrage here's to the morning Jan 16th, 2006 2:45:41 am - Subscribe

I have come off a disgustingly sick weekend. The worst I have felt in a while.

I have taken my "goodnight" medicine in frustration for being awake.

When I decide my night is over, I will dream about living in a dream, where I do not have to wake up.

2 Comments
Mood: swell

iix8vii rain. Jan 1st, 2006 3:05:24 pm - Subscribe

{Yey! I'ts 2006!

I hope this will be a better year for "The Diary of Broken Dreams".

Thankyou so much to everyone who have read, supported and commented on my entries in 2005!

Happy new year to all!}
----------------------------------------------------

let the rain wash over me...
let it cleanse me of my sins...
I want to be refreshed and purified!

i want it to rain till the clouds are thirsty!

let it rain till i drown...

4 Comments
Mood: angelic
: to be continued...

arionsrage let's not shit ourselves Dec 16th, 2005 5:06:12 pm - Subscribe

It is said that when Demeter was looking for her daughter Persephone, she was followed by Poseidon, and in order to avoid him she turned into a mare. However, Poseidon changed himself into a stallion and raped Demeter, who gave birth to the horse Arion. Arion become a talking horse, known for his speed.

arionsrage

0 Comments

arionsrage the unbearable lightness of being Dec 13th, 2005 7:44:36 pm - Subscribe

I just finished cramming 4 months of accounting into a long night, and an early morning. The test starts in 20 minutes. I don't want to do anything else for fear of losing those small connects in my short to memory.

if you let them fuck you
there will be no foreplay
rest assured they'll screw you complete
until your ass is blue and grey

0 Comments
Mood: uplifted

arionsrage is that what you called tact? Dec 9th, 2005 3:55:27 am - Subscribe

Tomorrow is the start of the gauntlet that is finals. I didn't learn a damn thing this semester. Except, that I'm really good when it comes to short term memory and studying the night before a test.

I think so much of life is wasted in school. I don't necessarily disagree with going to school, just that most everybody learns nothing from it. The only thing I remember from high school, is wishing I wasn't there.

Some days I wish I was an old greasy auto mechanic, smoking two packs a day. I'd spend my nights listening to frou frou and phish before I went to sleep. I'd have the flexibility of schedule to entertain such fantasies as traveling to some remote place in the Swedish alps. I'd climb up onto of a mountain there, who's name I couldn't pronounce, and scream like they did in garden state. I would stand there, short of breath with my eyes closed, and not wonder what life could have been.

Instead, I have to study for the next two hours.

And just so you know, feel free to raid hell between the hours of 9 a.m. to 11 a.m. The devil will be out of town. She will be administering the coma 1301.01 final in room 110.

1 Comments