I did it didn't I?
I know I did.
I felt it.
But...
I'm here.
I'm still breathing.
I'm still feeling pain.
After what seemed like centuries,
I came back to life.
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arionsrage
is that what you called tact? - Subscribe
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Tomorrow is the start of the gauntlet that is finals. I didn't learn a damn thing this semester. Except, that I'm really good when it comes to short term memory and studying the night before a test. I think so much of life is wasted in school. I don't necessarily disagree with going to school, just that most everybody learns nothing from it. The only thing I remember from high school, is wishing I wasn't there. Some days I wish I was an old greasy auto mechanic, smoking two packs a day. I'd spend my nights listening to frou frou and phish before I went to sleep. I'd have the flexibility of schedule to entertain such fantasies as traveling to some remote place in the Swedish alps. I'd climb up onto of a mountain there, who's name I couldn't pronounce, and scream like they did in garden state. I would stand there, short of breath with my eyes closed, and not wonder what life could have been. Instead, I have to study for the next two hours. And just so you know, feel free to raid hell between the hours of 9 a.m. to 11 a.m. The devil will be out of town. She will be administering the coma 1301.01 final in room 110. |
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arionsrage
sleep now, in the fire Nov 19th, 2005 4:41:46 am - Subscribe
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i've been trying to help these days move along as quickly as possible. but what i'm trying to get to, i don't know. i don't sleep well at night. i constantly force my mind to be at a state of alertness, which really fucking sucks because i don't know how to turn it off. i say that now, but tonight i'll probably go past rem and into a coma. i don't think theres a race of people more ready to argue than christians. nor is there a group more ready to tell you their opinion, and why it is biblically correct, as well as why it is also god's opinion. maybe it's coincidence that their ideas and opinions coincide perfectly with god's. or maybe their halo is a little too tight around their heads. i'm thinking about learning swahili and moving to africa. |
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I did it... I did it didn't I? I know I did. I felt it. But... I'm here. I'm still breathing. I'm still feeling pain. After what seemed like centuries, I came back to life. |
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arionsrage
your flattery is truly not becoming me Oct 30th, 2005 4:43:25 pm - Subscribe
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i woke up saturday morning with a call from my mom. she told me she was on her way to my apartment, which is not exactly down the street from her house. she told me the main reason that she was coming over was because she was afraid that i wasn't eating as i should be. i've been away from home for three years now. i can only think of one other time she has ever driven out to see me, for much of the same reason. she brought enough food for me to eat for a week. and much to my happiness, it was real food. much to my dislike, it would require more preparation than sticking it in the microwave. after a meal that a hobbit from the lord of the rings would have been full from, and after a long and heart felt talk with my mom, i felt a lot better. whether or not her "mother sense" was tingling, or it was pure coincidence, she ended up curing whatever was wrong with my head. in no way do i deserve that sort of unconditional love, especially from someone that i've completely shut out for the past several years. a parent's love for its child is the hope of life, when all life has left the child. or it is the black hole inside the child where life is sucked away. i'm going to start a tradition on friday, saturday and sunday mornings. i'm gonna open the blinds the night before, so that i wake up by the natural light of the sun. then fix a cup of coffee, read newly updated sci fi/fantasy stories from elfwood, and work through a couple chapters in a book. |
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arionsrage
ahh Oct 28th, 2005 10:39:03 pm - Subscribe
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| is consuming me |
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arionsrage
ahh Oct 28th, 2005 7:48:46 pm - Subscribe
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| self pity |
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arionsrage
funeral for a friend Oct 22nd, 2005 11:29:55 pm - Subscribe
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if i could, i would come back as: 1. a writer, singer, and artist. excelling in the only true, and pure forms of communication 2. a woodsman, who lives in a log cabin over looking a forest untapped, and uncorrupted by "civilization". 3. a bounty hunter on a spaceship, ever working to eek his way through life. and of course enjoying a drink and a smoke as often as possible. along with a good woman. |
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arionsrage
waste of paint Oct 13th, 2005 2:59:38 pm - Subscribe
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I have a friend, he is made mostly of pain. He wakes up, drives to work, and then straight back home again. He once cut one of my nightmares out of paper. I thought it was beautiful, I put it on a record cover. And I tried to tell him he had a sense of color and composition so magnificent. And he said "Thank you, please but your flattery is truly not becoming me. Your eyes are poor. You are blind. You see, no beauty could have come from me. I am a waste of breath, of space, of time." I knew a woman, she was dignified and true. Her love for her man was one of her many virtues. Until one day, she found out that he had lied and decided the rest of her life, from that point on would be a lie. But she was grateful for everything that had happened. And she was anxious for all that would come next. But then she wept. What did you expect? In that big, old house with all those cars she kept. "Oh!" and "such is life," she often said. With one day leading her to the next, you get a little closer to your death, which was fine with her. She never got upset and with all the days she may have left, she would never clean another mess or fold his shirts or look her best. She was free to waste away alone. Last night, my brother he got drunk and drove. And this cop pulled him off to the side of the road. And he said, "Officer! Officer! You have got the wrong man. No, no, I'm a student of medicine, the son of a banker, you don't understand!" The cop said, "No one got hurt, you should be thankful. And you carelessness, it is something awful. And no, I can't just let you go. And though your father's name is known, your decisions are yours alone. You are nothing but a stepping stone on a path to debt, to loss, to shame." The last few months I have been living with this couple. Yeah, you know, the kind that buy everything in doubles. They fit together, like a puzzle. I love their love and I am thankful that someone actually receives the prize that was promised by all those fairy tales that drugged us. And they still do me. I'm sick, lonely, no laurel tree, just green envy. Will my number come up eventually? Like Love is some kind of lottery, where you can scratch and see what is underneath. It's "Sorry", just one cherry, "Play Again." Get lucky. So I have been hanging out down by the train's depot. No, I don't ride. I just sit and watch the people there. They remind me of wind up cars in motion. The way they spin and turn and jockey for positions. And I want to scream out that it is all nonsense. And that their lives are one track, and can't they see how it is all pointless? But then, my knees give under me. My head feels weak and suddenly it is clear to see that it is not them but me, who has lost my self-identity. As I hide behind these books I read, while scribbling my poetry, like art could save a wretch like me, with some ideal ideology that no one can hope to achieve. And I am never real; it is just a sketch of me. And everything I have is trite and cheap and a waste of paint, of tape, of time. Sometimes I park my car down my the cathedral, where floodlights point up at the steeples. Choir practice is filling up with people. I hear the sound escaping as an echo. Sloping off the ceiling at an angle. When voices blend they sound like angels. I hope there is still some room left in the middle. But when I lift my voice up now to reach them. The range is too high, way up in heaven. So I hold my tongue, forget the song, tie my shoe and start walking off. And try to just keep moving on, with my broken heart and my absent God and I have no faith but it is all I want, to be loved and believe in my soul, in my soul... |
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arionsrage
moonshot Oct 8th, 2005 11:57:50 am - Subscribe
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i usually don't support these kinds of things, but this one was fun. what's your cowboy bebop theme song? |
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arionsrage
my internet sucks! Oct 3rd, 2005 1:29:32 am - Subscribe
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if you have the chance to go wireless, don't. why does a box of soap make you want to talk a lot? who was the first person to go, "what if i shoved my tongue ring through my penis, and left it there!" who the fuck has taken some of my books from my book alter? who was the first person to stick up their middle finger and apply the connotation "fuck you" with it? what was it like when the finger incident happened? "i'm so mad at you, this finger is going in the air!" my dreams are still interesting. the latest included: a dog that ate a tennis ball, and then pooped something awful incubus in a battle of the bands in a crappy grass setting a really confusing mall right before i die, instead of seeing a ring, i think i'm going to see my laptop screen. told the angels can't stay in heave i asked the devil... |
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arionsrage
i'm watching lord of the rings right now Sep 28th, 2005 12:38:08 am - Subscribe
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i bite my tongue every time you come around because blood in my mouth beats blood on the ground |
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arionsrage
obsessive compulsive order Sep 25th, 2005 4:18:23 pm - Subscribe
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i saw the exorcism of emily rose last night. not only was it not scary, but i didn't even dream about it. instead i dreamt about a girl last night. not a wet dream, i promise. i'm at one of these points were i don't want anything to do with women. as in i'm not dating, and i don't want to date. but if i had to, i'd be this girl. i don't know her, shes just strikingly beautiful. i think her name's kate. there was no sexual content to the dream, i don't think we even made out. just more a mutual happiness of being around each other.... 5 fucking miles. i lost in the last 10 meters. |
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arionsrage
(acoustic version) Sep 23rd, 2005 1:06:42 pm - Subscribe
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there's this girl that i'm completely captivated with. for some weird reason she dresses like a character from one of emily bronte's novels. she's running away from me, and like any guy, i gave chase. she went up a staircase that was underground, and during the middle of the night, ran off into the woods. fortunately for me, i saw her grab a lantern before she left, so i could just follow the light. i come out of the staircase, only to find myself standing at a t in the road. there's a light in each direction, and subconsciously i know on of them leads to my girl and the other to something bad. so i just guessed which way to go. do dreams ever work out for the better? i went left, and turns out, she went right. i ran into an indian with a stereotypical chief head dress on, with feathers and everything. he had a buddy with him who was just a lesser warrior. i about crapped my pants. i panic and run away, but they catch up with me instantaneously. the only thing i think of to do, is to climb a tree. so now i'm in this tree and the fuckin indian starts shooting arrows at me. the kicker is that they turn into fire arrows on the way up to me, which led directly to my nuts wanting to jump back inside my stomach. i start screaming at this indian guy, telling him that i chasing after this girl and he should let me go. i told him he needed to let me go. he disagreed with me. |
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arionsrage
i wish you were here Sep 18th, 2005 3:47:12 am - Subscribe
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so last night, i was part of the team that built the world's biggest hang glider. it was blue and yellow, and to be piloted by 4 people. my spot was the top right, where i controlled turning right. we swim through an ocean and climb on top of a platform, sea level. all 4 of us take off running at the same time and end up going pretty fast. we jump at the end of the platform and take off in the glider, forgetting we're at sea level. we're going pretty fast when we hit the water, hurting pretty bad. i didn't wake up until i started drowning, unable to get out of the hang slider. the world's a roller coaster and i am not strapped in maybe i should hold with care but my hands are busy in the air |
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arionsrage
i still like weezer Sep 7th, 2005 10:43:36 pm - Subscribe
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i had a dream several nights ago that i was on a aircraft carrier. being the inquisitive retard that i am, i decided to look over the edge. long story short, i ended up in the water, something i am absolutely petrified of. i experienced the entire fall in my dream. i started falling, fell for awhile, paused to stop screaming and check to see how close i was to the water....then i hit. the reality that i was in the middle of the ocean petrified me. i knew i was going to die. cue the alarm clock. last night gave way to this morning, which transitioned with another nightmare. this one was in no way realistic nor did it make any sense. i'll skip the details. dreaming sucks! |
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arionsrage
hearts are made out of strings to be pulled Aug 17th, 2005 9:19:37 pm - Subscribe
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the title comes from this picture. it was a quick sketch done in paint. i enjoy the drawing, but can not claim it as my own. i have only two more days left of working full time. on monday, i become a student full time again. i'll still be working, but some where around 15 hours a week. at 2:30 this morning, i woke up to my roommate talking to somebody on the phone. i don't think i was in REM, but i was definitely in some deep sleep, which apparently enabled me mute. all i remember is passing in and out of consciousness while listening to the friend talk about date rate and contacting the police. it's hot as balls outside, and its not getting any cooler any time soon. so enjoy looking through some of these drawings. |
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prettydead
You Fall For Every Empty Word I Say Aug 16th, 2005 3:07:24 pm - Subscribe
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 Long time, no updates. Well, New York was a blast. And other than that, nothing really amazing or new is going down. I'm just as depressed as I was before if not more. Though I did find some new music to listen to. And I've been working on a few new songs. They're coming nicely for shit guitar skills. School starts on the 30th. |
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arionsrage
kill your television Aug 15th, 2005 9:30:32 pm - Subscribe
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the last two days have been fun-filled, with copious amounts of paper work. i signed my name so much, my signature resembled a squiggly line. work starts at 8. i try and read up on current events and distract myself for as long as possible. today, i threw in several computer games and even more news articles...only to look at the clock and see 8:37. it felt like the clock was starring back at me, and saying, "what are you gonna do about it, bitch" i answered back, "nothing" for important matters, i was thinking about how working at a job you love, takes something you love, and makes you hate it. otherwise it would not be called a job, but something like, "weekends" in other news, i'm awesome. do good |
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arionsrage
that last subject title wasn't too good Aug 12th, 2005 9:45:00 pm - Subscribe
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the weekend is 15 minutes away. time has been crawling by for the past 4 hours. nothing big planned for the weekend. hopefully ignoring my parents, and then cleaning my room. maybe some laundry if i get ahead of myself. well...thats it for today kids... do good |
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arionsrage
hello, my name is simon, and i like to do drarwings Aug 11th, 2005 7:52:26 pm - Subscribe
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i'm bored quiet often at work, thus i do things like, edit my template to pass the time. by the way, i'd be more than happy to customize yours, all you need to do is ask. the track and field world championships are almost over. no u.s. coverage over here. you had to pay like 5 bucks to see it live via the internet. screw that. today is thursday, which means tomorrow is friday, which is always followed by saturday! this is the best part of the week. but unfortunately, school starts almost a week from now. i have yet to buy books. thats almost $400 for something i'm not gonna read. i don't understand. such is life. pass the time here. do good |