*Shrugs* No title today.
Date: Feb 13th, 2005 9:23:51 pm - Subscribe
Mood: misunderstood
I feel like shit.
Last night I broke up with Shaun. He saw it comming he says. I felt like shit then too.
I was about to do it, and I had to stop, and lean over the garbage pale because I really thought I was about to fucking chuck. We talked 'till sunday morning... and then he said I "Had" to go to sleep. I could hardly type, but I didn't want to leave him. 
He's really not one to take things like this very well. He cried for about a half hour before I came online, he says, cause he knew it was comming.
Way to make me feel like shit.
I went to bed and watched some TV. I felt horrable to be just sitting in my bed watching TV, while, no doubt, Shaun was feeling not so great.
This morning I woke up, and low and behold, I still.....felt like shit.
I slept in, so no church. I sat around, and read till noon. Then my tummy thought I should eat, and was being a real bitch about it too. So I gave in and got it some alphabits. When I was going into my room, my aunt yelled and said I should try and be social and try eating in the real world.
I ate in my room still.
I read some more, and now my book has taken yet another depressing turn, and it really dissapoints me, but at the same time I cannot put it down, due to the fact that I must know how it ends, and have become fond of the main character. He reminds me alot of the old me, the me that I think is on her way back.
At the moment, he is being acussed of "sexual Relations" with his sister, who he has taken care of since he was 5 (he is now 15) and his baby sitting kid, sammy.
It really pisses me off, cause I, as the reader, know he didn't do it, but the stupid characters in the flipping book are still convinced he did.
His dad in the book pisses me right off too. Bloody hell I'd so love to shoot him. 
Enough about the book.... There will only be another one tomorrow.
My aunt got a little upset with me....
She opend my door, and was all..
"No wonder your mother yelled at you for closing yourself off to the world and reading all the time!! You didn't even come out and offer to help clean!"
For some odd reason, I just stood there... Blank, and she walked away, and then I went to the washroom, and just started crying.
I wasn't even upset. Tears just started comming down.
Now I'm okay, just tired. Weak.
Why? I don't know.
I was really stressed before, about what to do with Shaun. To the point where I woke up one night, and I was sucking my thumb.
God, I felt stupid.
I told Jack, and she found it extremely amusing. .......Personally, I think I must have something wrong with me. Who the hell wakes up sucking their thumb at the age of 15. Grade fucking 10, and I wake up with my thumb in my mouth? Yeah, can you say "Loser"?
Anyways, I've had a really blah day. I am enjoying it.
Jessica was at school on friday. I was happy to see her at school. Some teachers were like why do you have your hat on... TAKE IT OFF, and she'd have to show them her note. It was awesome that she just had to show the note, and all was well.
Friday night I got in a fight kinda thing with this guy Adam. He got me so worked up I cried. Oh and to top it off, I was on cam with Shaun so he say me start crying. I never let people see me cry! I felt like the biggest dork in the world. That could be due to the fact that I am though.... *shrugs*
I think my emotions hate me. 'Cause I'm in the past three days, I've cried more than usual. Today though, man that was just plain weird. I felt like such a little kid. That's another reason I hate crying... I feel like I'm 2 again. I really hate letting my aunt see me cry too, 'cause she always wants to hug me, and I don't like hugging her when I'm crying cause.. well that was my moms job, so yeah.
Anyways, we are ordering Teddy's ^_^
I love that resteraunt. It so kicks. Oh, and my bright eyes play list is on, so I must go crawl back into bed, and drown in some thoughts, and listen to Conor's voice.
(Yes I know, it's 4:12 pm and I'm still in bed. Big deal )
Goodbye my dear blog.
- [Sarah]
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marlene - February 13th, 2005 |
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