xpritykity's Blog

Bi-sexual want ad
Date: Aug 29th, 2005 10:16:33 pm - Subscribe
Mood: uninspired
Listening to:: Screaming Children

peeing out of my eyes. just kidding. it feels weird having my long-ass fingernails tapping on the keys. I'm hanging out with Stef and my newly found and stolen sister, Ass (Ash.) I'm feeling pretty okay, not really thinking about Don, but having mentioned him, I am, now, thinking about him. Damnit. *Belch* sorry. Excuse me. Anyone interested in a girlfriend? I'll take male or female. leave me a comment and I can tell you more about myself. or go to this link:

http://members.diaryland.com/edit/profile.phtml?user=static-scars
Comments: (0)

Why do I suck?
Date: Aug 25th, 2005 4:12:14 am - Subscribe
Mood: Beck, Girl


Why do I suck so fucking much? normally I don't just soak in my self loathing, but this is different. I miss forgetting and not worrying, and stress free. (I was that once.) I just recently realized that I WILL NOT GRADUATE. I am a senior this year and I have 8 FUCKING CREDITS. You need 22 to graduate. I don't even know where I went wrong. I got depressed frshman year, so nothing mattered. Sophomore year, I became a lesbian and got tormented the entire year, thus making me afraid to go to school most of the year, Junior year my whole life got stale and I fucked around in class, oh and I got raped, (Seeing a pattern of depression?), and now this summer I came out to myself and admitted that I am Bi, but only after falling in love with my best guy friend, Don. Now this. I'm so smart, everyone tells me so. Then why am I such a failure at life?
Comments: (2)

Sex poem
Date: Aug 25th, 2005 4:02:35 am - Subscribe
Mood: Missy


How would you like to make straught love to a lesbian?
Straight sex and thoughts and the lies in my head again,
put it inside me, please, just to silence it,
your tongue or your cock, either way I'd be fine with it,
get me all high first, I'll try not to remember,
but I just don't know how I'd forget all your splendor.
Please, now I'm begging you, this just turns me on,
thinking about you inside of me, Don.
Eat me, consume me, at least taste my blood,
It would make me so happy, I'll be your rosebud.
For you I can change my sexual mannerisms,
but after two years I just may have an aneurism.
at least in your sex I can have what I want,
The biting, the bloodlust, the clawing, the taunt.
You tease me, you know it, I love the attention,
but my feelings for you are just too much to mention.
I don't need the attachment, but it sure would be nice,
to have sex with somebody who's not so precise,
The same old boring things time after time,
It gets kinda stale and I feel like a mime,
mimicking actions I did once enjoy,
now I find myself needing the love of a boy.

Again about "ThE_MuSiCiAn"

Comments: (1)

Paper Doll???
Date: Aug 20th, 2005 7:55:52 pm - Subscribe
Mood: Midnght Train, Journey


I really need someone to share my life with. Male or female, it doesn't matter to me. Just someone to appreciate me and my creativity. Love me, hate me, it matters not, I just need someone to feel passionate about me.
Comments: (4)

My first rap
Date: Aug 19th, 2005 2:50:38 am - Subscribe
Mood: Fieldy\'s Dreams


Did you ever wonder,
just wanna feel the pressure?
The sensation of the imminent pleasure
being beyond my pain, everything is gone
Then why is it everything that I'm feeling is wrong?

My Chest so heavy and it's feelin like the lead
in the nine millimeter that you're holdin' to your head,
I never knew the difference, I never wanted to,
But I can't fight these feelings when I'm stayin' with you.
My big baby blues, playin' tricks on you,
never know what you think I'm gonna do,
I'm your captor, your one and only rapture,
I got you in my sights and then baby, well, I blast ya!

Did you ever wonder,
just wanna feel the pressure?
The sensation of the imminent pleasure
being beyond my pain, everything is gone
Then why is it everything that I'm feeling is wrong?

I've got so many scars, visual signs of my pain,
My little memories makin' me "manic insane"
I know you all know but it's hard to understand,
And accepting in the fact that my life was unplanned,
I know I shouldn't be here, I know I shouldn't live
But after all these years I just have nothing left to give
I just need to relax, I need to mellow out,
Cuz everybody knows what I'm talking about.

Did you ever wonder,
just wanna feel the pressure?
The sensation of the imminent pleasure
being beyond my pain, everything is gone
Then why is it everything that I'm feeling is wrong?
Comments: (1)

An incredibly lucky reefer day
Date: May 26th, 2005 1:53:06 pm - Subscribe
Mood: Airy and WONDERFUL
Listening to:: Myself breathe heavily.

So last night was pretty interesting. Jennifer and I went down O road to look at the rapids on the river. It was super relaxing considering the abrupt shittyness of my day yesterday. Anyway, We went out into the water and it was good and I told Jenny the reason I'm so fucking nuts is that I don't smoke enough pot anymore. I don't think she knew I was serious. After we got bored with sitting down there for a while, We decided to go back up to the car. Up on the bridge where we had parked, We discovered a White car with someone in it. The door opened and out popped Tommy Tubesox! (This one guy I used to work with and want on at Pine Tree.) He said he was rollin himself one. What Luck! I asked him if he might want to share with us, (What are the ODDS?) and he said sure and he caught me a buzz. It was fucking magical! Too bad I can't afford my cigarette smoking habit, let alone weed. but, it's a nice thought.
Comments: (1)

Ah, meow.
Date: May 25th, 2005 1:49:01 pm - Subscribe
Mood: cute


So Kay Jay, you seem to know how to make a girl feel loved, don't you? You're such a doll...
Comments: (3)

Utter fucking Beauty
Date: May 25th, 2005 1:16:11 pm - Subscribe
Mood: undesirable
Listening to:: People babble on...

Is it so wrong to want to take my own life in a romantic sort of way?
Not pills, no jumping, no death by alcohol,
I long for something slightly More beautiful.
I want to let it out, But I just cannot know how.
Let out my blood,
let out my hate,
let out everything I've ever done to try and
frustrate
I need to get away,
I need someplace to stay,
I need to leave and be invisible for good.
Advantage taken, I can't apologize more,
even if not my fault, I still feel like a whore.
I feel, disgusting, dirty, I still can't get him off of me,
DOES ANYBODY ELSE KNOW HOW I FEEL?
I can't get him, it, the situation out
of my mind!
I'm angry,
sad,
crazy,
mad,
And to develop the power to piss people off with my presence?
A-fucking-Mazing.
typing this, sobbing,
In tears,
throbbing,
Headaches sneak attack me, and I reach for my pills...
The good ones...
Ah, old habits never die.

Comments: (2)

Pisonous Soul
Date: May 25th, 2005 9:25:02 am - Subscribe
Mood: toxic


Writing through my clenched teeth,
An epiphany consumes my being.
I want to be your dinner,
Consume me,
Take me in,
Chew on it a lit'l.
How do I taste to you?
Your first taste tells you I'm sweet,
Dominating your senses.
More time on your tongue and you see there is more
to be discovered.
I sit in your mouth, once pleasant, but now
burning your tongue in spite.
It turns sour,
Painful,
a silent killer
(But I looked so good?)
You are but another victim.

As you die slowly from the inside out,
your final realization?
"Nothing is what every seems."
"Nothing is what it is anymore."

Comments: (0)

Reinvention.
Date: May 24th, 2005 11:55:25 pm - Subscribe
Mood: superior
Listening to:: IM noises

My eyes, for you, for them, thy pain.
Windows to my soul, foggy,
Dark, wet, gray,
Red, used,
opaque.
He raped my body,
ravaged me.
But what a mind fuck.
I know nothing but my love for myself.
I think,
I believe.
I now have changed,
My rhyme's childe,
My new name birthed of my torment.
Not "kity, kit_n, nor kit-tay,"
My flows, new, somehow darker.
My pseudo ego?

Miss Morose.
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ah, yes. Me.
Date: May 23rd, 2005 10:50:49 am - Subscribe
Mood: abused
Listening to:: the sound of my fingers on the keyboard.

I just had a quirky thought, I really did. I wish I could remember it, granted, it probably wasn't worth documenting in the first place. I feel much better the last few days, but also I have felt like excrement. I piss people off with my mere presence, thus making myself feel utterly worthless, And I just can't seem to stop thinking about Tim. What for, I don't know. i mean, sure, he is the one who did it to me, but still, I guess it was a fairly good rape...? I know, the thought of a "good rape" is absolutely moronic, but, my vision of sex is so fucked up anyway...
I am so completely self centured to write all of this and think that someone may read it or actually care about my mindless drivel that spews forth from my fingertips. Pah.
Someone will care. I hope.
Comments: (1)

Ah, yes.
Date: May 19th, 2005 12:23:59 pm - Subscribe
Mood: spicy


I need some excitement on here...
:banana-splits:
Comments: (0)

†Morose painted picures rape my mind†
Date: May 18th, 2005 2:08:09 pm - Subscribe
Mood: jaded
Listening to:: Sublime

Ah yes I have had much on my mind lately. I haven't been home in weeks, I miss my cat, my mom... I don't know what to do! I can't seem to get it out of my mind. It's all I think about, all I see. Anyone have advice for a troubled little girl @ heart?



"My Used"†
Take me,
use it,
Abuse.
You know you want it
to hurt.
I feel empty pain,
fall me
down into oblivion.
"Is it not what you imagined?"
"Did it hurt?"
DO YOU CARE?
It matters not,
I am, for you
a gift.
I am for you,
Not worthy of a touch.
Just use me as your pleasure
tool.
Deny me my truth, My childhood fantasy.
"It never happened."
But it did.
It just wasn't supposed to...
It was for you,
all you. I wanted no part.
Only to please you.
But I so dearly loved being close to you...
But only for you to
ignore.
I'm sore,
yet still more.
I thought I had said
No?
You just mustn't have heard me.
To he who meant so much, but will never read this.
-TCT



painful reMEMBERING

My confusion and frustration fall together and mix with the alcohol,
I do want it, don't I?
He wants to,
he wants it from me.
I am far too drunk for this.
Then I am on my back
in the dark.
He dissapears under the blanket,
(I can say no, can't I?)
And he kisses me, all over,
inside.
His tongue and barbell are new, and welcome to me,
But I stay silent as he samples me,
tastes for HIS pleasure.
I do like it, don't I?
He finishes
and I thank him, And apologise for not
returning his favour.
I know I can't, my plea? Morality.
But Being unable to control anything or myself,
I am trapped.
When did he get on top of me?
Whispering dirty things into my ear,I am repulsed,
Fear ridden.
He's rubbing himself on me, he claims I'm too warm,
He removes my pants.
He continues to rub, I'm starting to feel, I'm letting it happen.
"No, I can't."
A kiss from his tongue and barbell silenceme.
I realize that no matter what I say, he want's it.
And somehow, I owe it to him.
For what? My pleasure.
He takes off his pants and has his way.
Hurthurthurt.
And he's done.
It's over and gone, but not better...
The scarring is fresh.

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Aye.
Date: May 18th, 2005 1:15:25 pm - Subscribe
Mood: morose-ish
Listening to:: Nothing but my breathing.

I must have waaaay too many blogs now, but they are all controlled by one main one, so, not all badd.
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