I can't take this anymore...
Date: May 30th, 2006 2:12:33 am - Subscribe
Now Playing:: Copeland--Sleep
-sigh-...You know how the boyfriend was grounded? No Phone, Internet, Friends, etc.
Today my friend comes to me with some very interesting news. She says my boyfriend's friend told her that he and my boyfriend had been hanging out alot lately. Would someone mind telling me why he can have out with his friends, and be grounded at the same time? So for fun, I call his cell phone. Now, call me an idiot, but when your cell phone isn't on...it doesn't ring. So..if his cell phone rings, it's on. Well...it rang. I'm all like "wtf" So i decide I may be wrong and I decide to try again..and once again..it rings. So now I'm wondering exactly wtf is going on. I'm so pissed like...beyond belief. I know for a fact, if his parents have his phone they leave it off 24/7. Uuuuugh. What the fuck. Whatever. I'm going to go let my good friend, William, cheer me up, I guess. I shouldn't have been stupid enough to believe in anything...
I'll Give You My Heart On A String
Date: May 28th, 2006 4:52:54 am - Subscribe
Now Playing:: Your Call-Secondhand Serenade
So...it's like 4:30-ish at night. I should be sleeping...but I'm not. Instead, I'm listening to Secondhand Serenade whilst deep in thought. This weekend went by in a blur actually. I thought it'd be long, but it wasn't. Blah. I miss my Matty. Ugh. It's ridiculous that I stay awake all night in hopes to get to talk to him so I don't miss anything, you know? Like, I shouldn't have to. His parents are so lame I guess my long nights aren't accomplishing anything other than furthermore exhausting myself. What else is new? I guess this blog entry isn't really accomplishing much either, just somewhere for me to vent. I leave for the dreaded family vacation Thursday, which just so happens to be the day Matt gets ungrounded. Ugh. Just my luck. They say bad luck is better than no luck at all...BULLSHIT! That's untrue, trust me, I know. Anyways...I'm feeling a bit drowsy now, so I should go lay down and reflect some more. This sucks. I don't even remember the last time I felt like I do now...
The Present's Just a Pleasant Interruption Of The Past..
Date: May 23rd, 2006 9:22:55 pm - Subscribe
Now Playing:: Butch Walker -- Mixtape
So I haven't written in a while...Sorry..
School ends in two days. You'd think I'd be happy, but I'm really not. Graduation is supposed to be happy, but there's never anything good about goodbye. I'm in denial about the whole thing. One of the most genuine people I know is leaving. It isn't like he's stayling local or anything, he's decided to go to Indiana. That feels like it's lightyears away from Tennessee. I'm so heartbroken. This is the worst feeling ever. It hurts so much to lose someone you love, and I do love Anson. Maybe not as a significant other, but I do love him like a big brother. When I need advice who can i run to now? Who can I be there for when they need advice, when in reality he'll answer his own advice before I even have a chance to blink? Who will bitch about things with me?...I don't know. I think I'm being awfully selfish..I'm glad that he gets to get away from this fucked up town with it's infinite amount of corruptions, but at the same time I'm sad that he's leaving us. Thinking back on all the times we all shared, they seem like they were only last week. So many memories over the years...How is anyone supposed to replace those good times? How can anyone take the place of the ones who came before? How is anyone supposed to be merry in the next year, knowing that most of their friends are off somewhere else probably not even thinking about them?...Ugh. I hate waiting until the last minute to accept things, it always hurts worse. I wish I had never grown up thinking times would always be the same...
Come untie the knot
Date: Mar 30th, 2006 7:34:10 pm - Subscribe
Now Playing:: Mtthew Good Band- Running For Home
I haven't wrote in forever...
Well, I guess I'd like to say that all is well, but then I'd be lying. Remember Matt? Well we had been dating for 8 months almost, but not anymore. We broke up today. Our 8 month anniversary would be in 3 days, but it's not. This is horrible. Everything is crashing down and the only thing I have to protect my head is one flimsy umbrella, or so it seems. I never was a good actor, but I am now. It's not like anyone's really noticed how torn I am inside. I go about cracking jokes and being the clown I am by routine, and no one notices. I like it better that way. Atleast then no one will bother you with all the questions to make you feel worse than you did before. Sometimes I just want to retrace my steps and figure out exactly where I went wrong. You know? -sigh- This is so ridiculous. I almost got into a wreck a few days ago. Lately, I find myself fantasizing about actually being in the wreck..I can't say that I know why, but I do. I'm realizing that there isn't much in my life I even have control over now. And if you don't controll your own life...why even bother?
I'm going back to the start...
Date: Mar 9th, 2006 9:15:10 pm - Subscribe
Tomorrow I leave for Chicago.
I think it may do me some good.
God I hope I'm right.
I'll be back in a few weeks. <3
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