^_^
Date: Aug 4th, 2005 3:26:01 pm - Subscribe
Mood: wonderful
music: The Lifeline- ghosts
I sort of got engaged today, I just have to buy the ring. lol. I ish a happy girl ^^
I moved. I'm bored. I'm Happy. I'm in love. Someone shoot me. I've never felt this good before. Is it real? I need to go see her soon.
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Sarah and why she means the world to me
Date: Jul 22nd, 2005 12:21:36 pm - Subscribe
Mood: alive
I tried to kill myself the other night, but luckily my friend Mike found me before I cut deep enough to do anything. I'm very glad now that he caught me, if he hadn't I would have never known that Sarah loves me too. I've never felt quite this way about anyone before.... I'm moving so I won't get to talk to her much, I'll be able to call her every once and a while, but I'll have to use my friend's Phone so I won't be able to talk to her as much. She apparently cried all day after she found out, and she was at work when she found out so she almost got fired. I asked her out and she said yes, I don't think I would have asked her if all of this hadn't happened, the only reason that I did was because she was pissed and when she asked me why I couldn't really tell her.. so I just gave her some bogus emo kid reasons, and she was all "Do you know what you did to me today???" and I asked her how it did something to her (this was before I found out about the crying and such) and she said "YOU KNOW DAMN WELL THAT I LOVE YOU" which really took me by suprise, because I didn't think that she really loved me, I just thought she was like all of the other people that have told me they loved me but never really meant it.... but she's not... I knew she wasn't like anyone I've ever met before... but I still didn't expect her to love me.... She's the most beautiful girl I've ever met, and she has a personality to match it, unlike so man other people that think that just because they're hot that they can be total assholes. She's the only person that's ever truly been there for me, not even my best friend is always there, but evertime something has gone wrong for me since the first day I met her she has been there. Now apparently we're being "forced" to get married. I don't think Damon realizes that no one would have to force me, I wouldn't hesitate to spend my life with her. I love her more than I've ever loved anyone or anything, and if she hadn't been there after I tried to kill myself I would have just done it again and again until I succeeded, but she was there... and I'm not going to try that again, she's everything to me now, and I'm not going to lose that by dying now....
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the worst day of my life.
Date: Jul 16th, 2005 8:35:54 am - Subscribe
Mood: sad
Today was the worst day of my life... First someone told me that the girl I love killed herself, though she hadn't. I can't live without her so I had a gun ready, but my brother was online and she logged in and started tellling him about how she logged on and apparently she had killed herself, my brother knows me better than anyone and he had seen me crying earlier and asked me what was wrong but I wouldn't tell him, so I guess he figured out that that's what it was, and he knew what I would do.. so he ran in right as I was about to pull the trigger and told me that she was online. I was freaking out, because last night she had been talking suicide, and I told her if she did it I would die too, and she said "no you wouldn't" but then she figured out that I love her.... I honestly didn't know that's what it was... I've never known love before so I didn't really know what it was... but everthing she said love felt like.. I felt for her. Yesterday was the best day of my life, and then suddenly I have the worst day... how does that happen? I also found out that my uncle was in a car wreck, and he's in critical condition, which is really shitty because other than my brother he is my favorite family member. He understands things unlike most others in my family... and THEN to top it off I found out that nearly everything that Jenna (a friend) had ever told me was a lie. I've started cutting again... I didn't want to.. but I couldn't help it. I haven't done this in 8 months..... but I guess my life hasn't been this bad in a while.
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