23 March 2005
Date: Mar 24th, 2005 3:06:02 am - Subscribe
Mood: empty
Fuck me TODAY SUCKS!
I took two days off of work so that I could re-group, enjoy some personal time. It was great. I get back to work and it's like Hiroshima in my office. I have gotten approx. 5 phone calls from this one guy, who sucks. Shyeah, like I'm going to jump on calling him right back. Then, I come in this morning, check my emails, and I had some training scheduled for me, and I was supposed to get some menu so that I could eat lunch, but since I was out, no one ordered me any food. So I got to sit in the "Lunch Meeting" WATCHING everyone else in the room eat their delicious free lunch. Thankfully, I brought my oh-so-hearty Lean Cuisine to work today, otherwise, I'd have been one pissed off mo'fo'.
I got my Donald Trump books from Powell's today! I wish I would have gotten them BEFORE my little break from work. Oh well. I can crack into one of them tonight.
I have been meeting more and more people who ask me why I am single... Ugh, if I knew, would I still be single? How does one respond to a question like that? That's like asking someone why they smell! "Excuse me, you seem to be a social leper, why IS that?"
Fucking-A. I'm only 24 for goodness sake. If I weren't single and instead, I were in a fantastic relationship of some sort, people would ask me when I was going to get married. Then they would say, you're young, don't rush it, you have so much life left to live... one way or another, someone always has their 2 cents that they want to toss into my pond. Well Opinionated People of the World, I don't want your 2 cents. No where on my clothing, my expression, or my internal dialogue do I ask what you think of my current singleness. Why, then, are people so willing to volunteer said opinions on me. It's not like it's constructive criticism or anything USEFUL. It's not like they're saying, "Why are you single? I know just the guy for you! Would you like me to introduce you to him?" That, my friends, would be helpful and appreciated. I am always down to meet someone new, especially if they are willing to take me out to dinner, or buy me a coffee even. Fuck it, I would be willing to take someone out for coffee if I thought that they might be someone who is cool and handsome and intelligent and interested in ME. But, no such luck. I am in a drought of singleism. I don't even ponder to myself WHY I am currently single. I think that answer is so Brilliantly Obvious that it does not require mention. But I shall clue you in, since I don't think anyone can currently read my mind.
I am single because I am not in a relationship. I have not met someone who is mutually interested in beginning a romantic relationship with me. I am not lacking anything that I miss. I am not carrying baggage that is cumbersome. I merely have not gotten to a point in my life where I have met that someone, whoever he may be. I do not feel bad about it. I don't hate myself or men because of it. I have accepted my singleism for what it is. There is no point in trying to force yourself into a situation you are not intended to be in. That's like forcing a fat person to be a skinny person. There are things that have to occur in a certain order for that outcome to occur. Just as a fat person would need to make changes to begin the process of becoming thinner, so must I begin the process of being in a relationship. That must start with being single. So I do what single people do, I go out more frequently, drink more, and stay out much later than my friends in relationships. I can enjoy flirting and oggling any and all men I find even slightly attractive. I can put in long hours at work and not piss anyone off. Hell, I can work long hours at work, climb the ladder of corporate success if I choose, and still not piss anyone off. I drink more. Much more, than I used to. Self medication? Perhaps. But it is so much more fun to be drunk and single.
I think I'll go home and get drunk right now.
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17 March 2005
Date: Mar 18th, 2005 2:53:37 am - Subscribe
Mood: repulsed
St. Patrick's Day.
Another lame and pathetic excuse for humans to over consume alcohol and act like idiots. Fancy that. I didn't even wear green today. I probably would have, since I did get a fair share of pinchings, none from cute boys, but I overslept and threw on the first clean clothes I found. Black and white, hot pink. Standard Uniform, really.
Thank goodness tomorrow is Friday and I can wear jeans to work. Too bad that my fat ass is less fat and none of my jeans fit me anymore. I just realized that Easter is in exactly 10 days, so then I will no longer have to complain about my clothes not filling, as I will be able to purchase new clothes.
I plan to make some serious donations to eliminate a lot of the clothing that I really am not going to wear again, or anytime soon. There are other people who will definitely benefit from those clothes more than I need them.
I am really ready to go home. Work has taken its toll this week. I think the perfect cure would be some hot sex with a hot guy. None available though. Ok, well I bet some are available, but none that I know where they are or that they exist.
I actually went to the gym last night. It was the first time in I can't remember how long. It's such an odd place, the gym. All of these people in their tight fitting clothes, trying to mind their own business and failing miserably. I don't wear my specs when I go in there, so I can't see much of anything, but I still know that people are overly concerned with their appearance there. Granted, it is a place that naturally feeds ones superficiality. If we didn't care what we looked like, I think there would be fewer people on the tredmills and more people at the juice bars and saunas. I can openly admit that I want to look hot in the black bikini I own and that I will not feel good about owning said black bikini until I drop a few more pounds. So the caffeine and salad diet has worked, but now I want to make sure that I have some muscle on my bones. I sure as shit don't want to look like an Olson twin or that spazzy chick from 8-Mile, Brittany Murphy. Ugh, choke me with a spoon if I do ever look like that!
Last night on the local news, there was a report on this man who put two nails in his dog's head. The dog has survived, now who gets to put two nails in the owner's head???
My dear friend in Tennessee has a puppy that was shot by some coward with a bb gun. The bb is now lodged in the dogs joint, so his got a gympy walk now. Honestly, if you want to be aggressive towards a dog, give it a fair opportunity to defend itself. Hopefully, those stupid ass humans will get a Pit Bull to the neck and then it will be one less stupid human fucking up sweet, innocent animals. I don't even want to think about what other sick and moronic things these fucking humans have done in their undeserving lives.
All for now. My stomach has started to growl at me, so I must go feed it.
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15 March 2005
Date: Mar 16th, 2005 1:44:39 am - Subscribe
Mood: neurotic
I hate paydays. No, I'm not talking about the candy bars, those are sinfully delicious.
I hate that on a day that I spend 2 weeks anticipating, that when I arrives, I immediately become depressed and short-tempered.
I hate that the second I check my online banking, I have to immediately watch the balance of my checking account dwindle to a pathetically small number. I hate that the pathetically small number I stare at on my 10-Key is what I have to survive on until ANOTHER two weeks from today. Those two weeks are SO FAR AWAY! The end of the month is too long from now.
I also hate the inevitability of the fact that I have to write a gigantic check to the IRS this April and I cannot manage to scrape up the money because my paychecks are never big enough.
Granted, I can be thankful that I have medical and dental benefits, that I am contributing to a 401K, that NOW Federal and State Income taxes are being taken from my paychecks, but DAMN! I need to make more money.
It also sucks that my ex-boyfriend owes me 500 dollars. Too bad he's broke and can't give me any of it. I'm done being generous. I cannot afford to be generous anymore. I need to be someone's cause. Not only do I owe the IRS (have I mentioned that yet?) money, but I've lost so much weight none of my clothes fit me anymore. I still live at home with my parents, it's been almost a year already, and I'm still not out of debt. That was the whole reason I moved home in the first place. Fuck me it sucks.
No wonder I'm single. The second I meet a cool guy and he asks me where I live, the truth becomes physically painful.
"I....ugh, live just North of the city...."
"Oh yeah?" Cute boy replies. "You got any roommates?"
"UgH, yes.... My parents."
"Oh. How does that work?"
"Very carefully."
Ok, the truth is that I really do like my parents. We get along really well. I don't cook and they cook for me. I don't grocery shop, they do it for me. I'm not home very much, they are home all the time. If I lived alone, my dog would be lonely; my dad works at home, puppy has company all day long. They stay out of my personal life for the most part, especially since I can't get a boyfriend worth two shits, so it doesn't really matter anyway. I don't have to pay rent, electricity, water... All I have to do is clean my bathroom once a week and vacuum for my mom sometimes. Tough life.
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14 March 2005
Date: Mar 14th, 2005 11:01:00 pm - Subscribe
Mood: Over It All
I never got to the martini bar. Well, ok, I got there, but didn't go inside. Too crowded and full of pretentious hipsters trying to be punk rock in designer shoes.
We went elsewhere and I had a guava mojito that kicked so much ass.
I had a great weekend! After my mojito, we all went out to Club 205 and watched the most amazing stripper I have ever seen. This girl had to be on something cause I've never seen so much energy in stage in my life. She puts on a great show. Saturday we hit up some Mary's Club before heading to the Dylan concert. I will never attend another concert at the Chiles Center for two important reasons: 1) No Re-entry= No Smoking. F That. 2) Concessions takes no Visa. F That Squared.
I am reading "He's Just Not That Into You." Word. That book made a killing and it's the same shit that one chick's girlfriends should be telling her anyway. I should write a book called, He's Not Worth It.... Hmm. I think I will start it tonight.
Tomorrow night is the Beautiful Girls concert. I am so stoked. I get to go stare at some hot, Austrailian boys who can sing. Oh I don't think there is anything hotter than that!
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11 March 2005
Date: Mar 11th, 2005 9:38:12 pm - Subscribe
Mood: bittersweet
I have black and blue hair. It is fantastic.
Tonight, my best friend and I are going to a local martini bar that serves up the 7 Deadly Sins- in a martini glass. In order to assist in my decision of which sin I will choose to taste, I did a little research.
Vice: Pride (1)
Virtue: Humility
Seeing ourselves as we are and not comparing ourselves to others is humility. Pride and vanity are competitive. If someone else's pride really bothers you, you have a lot of pride.
Vice: Avarice/Greed (5)
Virtue: Generosity
This is about more than money. Generosity means letting others get the credit or praise. It is giving without having expectations of the other person. Greed wants to get its "fair share" or a bit more.
Envy (2)
Virtue: Love
"Love is patient, love is kind…" Love actively seeks the good of others for their sake. Envy resents the good others receive or even might receive. Envy is almost indistinguishable from pride at times.
Vice: Wrath/Anger (3)
Virtue: Kindness
Kindness means taking the tender approach, with patience and compassion. Anger is often our first reaction to the problems of others. Impatience with the faults of others is related to this.
Vice: Lust (7)
Virtue: Self control
Self control and self mastery prevent pleasure from killing the soul by suffocation. Legitimate pleasures are controlled in the same way an athlete's muscles are: for maximum efficiency without damage. Lust is the self-destructive drive for pleasure out of proportion to its worth. Sex, power, or image can be used well, but they tend to go out of control.
Vice: Gluttony (6)
Virtue: Faith and Temperance
Temperance accepts the natural limits of pleasures and preserves this natural balance. This does not pertain only to food, but to entertainment and other legitimate goods, and even the company of others.
Vice: Sloth (4)
Virtue: Zeal
Zeal is the energetic response of the heart to God's commands. The other sins work together to deaden the spiritual senses so we first become slow to respond to God and then drift completely into the sleep of complacency.
Tomorrow night is the Bob Dylan concert. My boys get in town late tonight, so we will be heading straight to the Strip Clubs. It should be a wild weekend.
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