xxkittenxx's Blog

23 March 2005
Date: Mar 24th, 2005 3:06:02 am - Subscribe
Mood: empty


Fuck me TODAY SUCKS!

I took two days off of work so that I could re-group, enjoy some personal time. It was great. I get back to work and it's like Hiroshima in my office. I have gotten approx. 5 phone calls from this one guy, who sucks. Shyeah, like I'm going to jump on calling him right back. Then, I come in this morning, check my emails, and I had some training scheduled for me, and I was supposed to get some menu so that I could eat lunch, but since I was out, no one ordered me any food. So I got to sit in the "Lunch Meeting" WATCHING everyone else in the room eat their delicious free lunch. Thankfully, I brought my oh-so-hearty Lean Cuisine to work today, otherwise, I'd have been one pissed off mo'fo'.

I got my Donald Trump books from Powell's today! I wish I would have gotten them BEFORE my little break from work. Oh well. I can crack into one of them tonight.

I have been meeting more and more people who ask me why I am single... Ugh, if I knew, would I still be single? How does one respond to a question like that? That's like asking someone why they smell! "Excuse me, you seem to be a social leper, why IS that?"

Fucking-A. I'm only 24 for goodness sake. If I weren't single and instead, I were in a fantastic relationship of some sort, people would ask me when I was going to get married. Then they would say, you're young, don't rush it, you have so much life left to live... one way or another, someone always has their 2 cents that they want to toss into my pond. Well Opinionated People of the World, I don't want your 2 cents. No where on my clothing, my expression, or my internal dialogue do I ask what you think of my current singleness. Why, then, are people so willing to volunteer said opinions on me. It's not like it's constructive criticism or anything USEFUL. It's not like they're saying, "Why are you single? I know just the guy for you! Would you like me to introduce you to him?" That, my friends, would be helpful and appreciated. I am always down to meet someone new, especially if they are willing to take me out to dinner, or buy me a coffee even. Fuck it, I would be willing to take someone out for coffee if I thought that they might be someone who is cool and handsome and intelligent and interested in ME. But, no such luck. I am in a drought of singleism. I don't even ponder to myself WHY I am currently single. I think that answer is so Brilliantly Obvious that it does not require mention. But I shall clue you in, since I don't think anyone can currently read my mind.

I am single because I am not in a relationship. I have not met someone who is mutually interested in beginning a romantic relationship with me. I am not lacking anything that I miss. I am not carrying baggage that is cumbersome. I merely have not gotten to a point in my life where I have met that someone, whoever he may be. I do not feel bad about it. I don't hate myself or men because of it. I have accepted my singleism for what it is. There is no point in trying to force yourself into a situation you are not intended to be in. That's like forcing a fat person to be a skinny person. There are things that have to occur in a certain order for that outcome to occur. Just as a fat person would need to make changes to begin the process of becoming thinner, so must I begin the process of being in a relationship. That must start with being single. So I do what single people do, I go out more frequently, drink more, and stay out much later than my friends in relationships. I can enjoy flirting and oggling any and all men I find even slightly attractive. I can put in long hours at work and not piss anyone off. Hell, I can work long hours at work, climb the ladder of corporate success if I choose, and still not piss anyone off. I drink more. Much more, than I used to. Self medication? Perhaps. But it is so much more fun to be drunk and single.

I think I'll go home and get drunk right now.

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