Day 62
Date: Feb 24th, 2009 9:28:39 pm - Subscribe
Mood: excited


So apparently when I'm not close to God, I avoid blogging too, since that forces me to look at my life from a spiritual perspective. I have quite a bit to catch up on.

I strayed from Him. I just got busy and lazy and stopped journalling for several days. I was watching a movie a couple times and I should have looked down at certain parts, but didn't, which fueled my sex drive even more. But the other night I picked up my Bible, got bored within 5 minutes, so I went on a walk with Him, in the darkness, wind, and rain. It was beautiful.

I prayed for Deanna mostly, and texted 5 other people to do the same. She needs Him so much. It pains me to see her struggle with the same pain I did mere weeks ago, but on a larger scale. I texted back and forth with her for an hour or so afterwards, just sending messages of encouragement, which were returned with depressed, and once even hostile responses. She said God can't take all her pain away. I know that's not true. Letting go of pain, anger, and sadness isn't easy, but I've seen Him move mountains and wipe out armies with a blink of an eye, so I know that it is possible. I just wish I could somehow show her that.

...I have no doubt that she likes me. But I can't fall into a relationship with her. That's not the position I've been called to be in. At least not now, not for a long time, if at all. I'm not even really tempted. I just can't see us together like that. But I have so much love and compassion for her. I want to be there for her, but I know that if I'm constantly there, she'll become dependent upon me instead of Christ, which would destroy any meaning of me in her life. I text with her frequently, but I only want to meet with her a couple times a week to make sure that doesn't happen.

Andrew and Peta... two of my best friends who are dating. They make out, which I'm not a huge fan of, but that is between them and God, so I refrain from making too much noise. But Andrew told me the other night that Peta said she wouldn't care if he felt her up. I pretty much flipped out.

That was the single aspect of the relationship between Dana and I the burned me the most. It fucked me up beyond words. Getting sucked into an addictive sexual relationship, then having it instantly cut off was devastating on my mind and heart. There's no way I'm letting my best friend get sucked into this.

As for Peta... I don't think she understands how guys work. I was pissed as hell at her for a bit, but then I realized that it was pure ignorance (I don't mean that to be condescending). Her mom is a crackhead and her dad died of cancer a couple years ago, so I can't really stay mad at her for not understanding how guys think.

So I talked to Andrew, and he's going to talk to her about that soon. I'm not leaving him alone until he does haha.

I'm limiting my time on my Wii. It became a distraction over the past week. One hour a day, at most, and not until I've spent time with Him. Damn that makes me feel childish... setting limits on how often I play video games... -_-

I might go down to Biola next semester as a psychology major. They make really good money, so student loans won't be that much of a hindrance. I'm prayin about it. That would give me such glee.

I was on the bluff watching the sunset an hour ago... I randomly decided to text Dana to tell her to look at the sunset. Within five minutes she showed up. That was freakin weird as hell haha. I guess she was driving by and knew where I would most likely be, so she dropped by. We talked for a half hour or so. It was good. I get more and more comfortable each time we talk. I should pray for her and Mike.

Praise Him. He is good.
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