Deanna
Date: Feb 17th, 2009 4:38:58 pm - Subscribe
Mood: uneasy


Sweet girl. So after day 50 I backed off quite a bit. I didn't want to get too close and lead her on or anything. I didn't actually see her until last night.

We were hangin out at Jay's house. Movie night or something. It was more like hang out time with a movie in the background. There were half a dozen people there, and the only one I really knew was Deanna, so I spent most of the time talking with her and hanging out on Jays couch. One thing lead to another, and we ended up cuddling for a while and she fell asleep in my arms. It felt damn good to sleep next to someone again. And all the while I had that nagging voice telling me not to pursue her.

We woke up around 5 am or so... mostly because the couch was pretty uncomfortable. We both sat up and stared at the heater for a few minutes. I knew why I hesitated to return to the same position, but was curious why she was as well.

"What happens now?" she asked.

I told her I wasn't ready for this. That I had just gotten out of an unhealthy relationship a couple months earlier and was still dealing with the pain it had brought me.

She told me she had just gotten out of a relationship a month ago and was doing the same. Turns out that she's going through some of the same shit I am lately. She got cheated on. She got too physical with him. She went back to him when she knew she shouldn't. The difference between us is that she is holding on to her hate, and I have let mine go. My first instinct was to try to help her leave that behind, but she said something that made me realize that her bitterness is the very thing that is keeping her from going back to him.

I don't think it's healthy to harbor bitterness. But it's odd to think that that is the one thing that is keeping her from going back to him. I guess my best plan now is to pray for her healing, as well as mine, pray that we don't get sucked into co-dependency, and pray that I can show her His love.

I'm going out with her tonight. I'm probably gonna show her a blog or two about what happened between Dana and I so she gets the full gist of the situation. From there, I have no idea what to do. I'm bringing my Bible. Speaking of which, I need to pick that book up more often. I don't feel dependent upon it anymore, which makes me uneasy.
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