So, We are not taking a break, and we are not breaking up, we are however going to separate ourselves a little bit. I'm moving back to my parents house for a while, so that we can distance ourselves for a little while during this time of us figuring things out. This could ultimately end in our breaking up but who knows. I'm not even sure where my heart is in the matter, like what I actually want...
So, I'm at my mom's house right now, came here to set up my computer and such since I can't really use it anywhere else right now. It's kind of nice, their internet connection is hella good compared to what mine was.
In the time frame of this next week I plan to fully be living here. Yes I will spend a night or two with Cersten but not live with her completely. This could be pretty good, but it will be pretty hard. I'll probably have nights of crying and the such.
Here's to a new life.
So looks like my odd thoughts and weird assumptions about my relationship going into the shit hole where correct.
She wants to take a break? Uh, I cant take a break, if you cant work out problems in the relationship then there is no need to be in a relationship. Why take a break to work them out? I'm not ok with that, Its either I am in or I am out, no in between! So if she wants to stick it out and work through it then good because thats what a relationship is, but if she honestly decides she wants to take a break then no go I'm out, she can't possibly love me as much as she says she does if she is so ready and willing to take a break.
And because I am not a happy person? Yeah my last month or so have been really hard so of course I'm not a happy person, I am sorry I cant handle my problems on the inside and be a fake happy person outwardly. Because I am this "negative person" she feels its wearing out on her and she wants to be a fun, outgoing, random, spontaneous, party with friends, and fuck anything that matters girl, in my mind thats not someone I want to be with. I'm an adult and I plan to live a fun responsible life. Its possible, I don't know why she doesn't think so, ugh!
Guess love only lasts so long... we'll see where it goes from here. She should be home soon so more talking, deliberating, arguing, and crying... fun!
Best part is if it ends I have to move back in with my parents cause I can't afford my own place yet...
I totally wanted to write the last entry for much longer than I did I just had to start paying attention in class (yes I was writing when I was suppose to be avidly listening to my college instructor, so what!?) so now that I am out of class, why not keep writing.
To expand on the feeling exluded and distant from my other, it just happened again. Before I came here to the library to use the computer I went to see Cersten after class. She works at the scene shop for the schools theatre department so I knew she would be there. We also drove here together so I kinda needed to know where she would be when I get out of my next class that starts 2 hours from now (a hefty amount of time to waste), reasonable reasons to see her right?
Just wanted to say hi and ask her when the rehearsal for the show would be done tonight (since she is also props manager for the show run throughs) so we could make our departure a bit easier. First words I get from her is "you shouldn't be here right now" Why? I dont know! I go there every tuesday after class to say hi and catch up with her for a nice 5-10 minutes and none of her coworkers or bosses even care, so uh, whats the problem. I barely get two words in edgewise without her looking away. I had to tell her what I wanted and then say it extremely adamintly before she even started giving me the time of day. Hell I didn't even get a kiss because of her excuse (while blowing up balloons) "my lips tatse like latex" what the fuck is that! (sorry for my language). I don't get it.
Anyone with any sort of logical brain would take this sort of thing and say to themselves "what did I do wrong?". I've thought it over quite intensly and I have come to the conclusion that I have done nothing wrong nor anything that could even be closely construed with 'wrong'. Like I said before I really hope this is just and adjusting phase she is going through because I won't care to handle it if its gonna be like this for good.
Oh yeah! Of course when I talk to her about the way I feel about this she basically says that she doesn't feel like there is anything wrong with our relationship and that it's going well... I don't get that... UGH! Whatever, really. I will just go on with life right now while focusing on the other things in it that are also important...
Wish me luck.
So I actually haven't blogged anywhere is quite some time, and I don't feel like doing it in any other place. If I did on facebook notes I'm sure I would get tons of crap from pretty much all of my friends, or I just wouldn't be able to actually say what I want to say. So here I am on aeonity, not a bad idea. Most of my friends on here are from more than 3 years ago, who cares what they think If I don't even talk to them anymore. Let's not say 'who cares' lets say It's not going to affect any of my social situations. Though, I still have a good feeling this post will be read, or at least looked over. David probably still has me on his friends, maybe not, if so he'll get this and be surprised at the capacity he actually has to create a community that actually has someone coming back to it after a countless amount of days away. So, here I am, deal with it.
I really have a lot on my mind lately and I feel like I can't talk to anyone about it so It seems like the best choice just to blog it. Sure people can read this but they would have to be looking for it. No big deal.
Our house started on fire the other day, it was an electrical fire in the basement. Didn't burn through much of anything before it was put out, but it did create a lot of smoke damage. Guess to much carbon got into the air and a lot of the smoke was from burning plastic so for the next week the house is uninhabitable. Pretty much blows hard, I'm stuck in a hotel room with out any of the luxuries I'm use to. Which honestly, big deal! I should get over it, whats our issue in this world always thinking we deserve so much, we should be happy with what we have. I'm lame for seeing this as such a great inconvenience.
So I'm with this girl named Cersten, been living with her for almost a year, and I love her. Though, in the last week or so she has starting going through this awkward (for me) phase. She is trying to find herself and do things for herself because she feels like she has been responsible for others far too much. Which, I understand totally cool! Though I've been extremely neglected as even part of her existence and we are stuck in a hotel together!!! It just doesn't make sense to me. I feel very lonely about it and It's kind of eating me up. This isn't normal since we've been living together for so long, usually getting along and always acknowledging the other person through spending time with them and including each other in our daily lives. I feel like I have to pry for any information or for any attention. I really hope this doesn't last long...
I have to get going for now, feels good to get going with some outward-feeling-writing.
Whoa beans, it's been like months. Freaking Months. Prolly close to a year, since I been on here. Crazy go nuts.
So basically I'm still funking and punking bass. I'm 2 semesters into the music major program here at m' college. I know hecka more about music than I ever thought I would.
Yesterday we had a Timed Scale Exam--Yeah, Happy Valentine's Day --which I Aced. Then today we got our bio exam back. And I got a B on it, which is way more than I deserve. I LOVE adjusted percentage grading!
Well, I'm gonna go download music and eat lunch. PEace to y'all
That's right, I said Aha! You want to know why? Well...YOU CAN'T. You big jerk.
So, I'm babysitting 3 kids and so far it's gone pretty well, except for one minor life threatening situation. But, other than that...things are good!
Alright, here's the deal. There I was, staring into the jaws of death...I mean the dishwasher. Actually I wasn't staring into it, I was loading it with dirty dishes, cuz I'm a good person. So it was all loaded, and I went to put detergent in there when I realized that they were ALL OUT! *gasps of horror ripple through the crowd* That's right. So I put liquid dish soap in there. I didn't really know if that kind of soap was supposed to go in the dishwasher or not, so I looked on the bottle to see what it said. I saw no warnings or anything. Nothing like "DON'T YOU DARE PUT THIS IN THE DISHWASHER, YOU FREAKIN IDIOT!" or anything like that, so I figured I was ok.
I started it up and walked away. I came back about...20 minutes later and the whole kitchen, that's right, THE WHOLE KITCHEN was covered in soap suds! AH! So I freaked out and tried unsuccessfully to clean it up. It took me about an hour and a half to get rid of all those blasted bubbles. Honestly, don't you think that the geniouses who made that soap would put SOME SORT OF WARNING on there?! I mean come on, blonde people try to use dishwashers too. GAH!
Well...I doubt I'll ever do that again. It was absolutely hilarious, but then again, not funny at all. I see you laughing. STOP IT!
So, this was for you Chad. You made me update. Oh, and by the way, I hate your freakin guts.
First best friend: Kourtney
First screenname: dagirl106
First self purchased CD: Ah too long ago to remember...
First pets: Conan and Tina (dogs) Cocoa (cat)
First piercing/tattoo: earrings
First musician you remember hearing in your house: U2
Last cigarette: never
Last car ride: yesterday to Walmart
Last good cry: me? crying? never.
Last movie seen: War of the Worlds
Last beverage drank: Cherry Vanilla Dr. Pepper
Last food consumed: quasadilla
Last time showered: um....jk
Last shoes worn: flip flops
Last disappointment: work
Last shirt worn: green one..still wearing it
Last website visited: youth reborn
Last word/s you said: "Who's gonna ride your wild horses?" haha a song im singing
What color socks are wearing: barefoot
What's under your bed?: let's not go there
time did you wake up today? 9:30! no work!
Where do you want to go?: Kourtney's House
Where are you going to live?: Here probably
How many kids do you want?: don't really care right now
Current mood: happy
Current music: U2
Current taste: ?
Current hair: in a ponytail
Current clothes: shorts and green shirt
Current desktop picture: little fish following a big one
Current color of toenails: pinkish
Current hate: nothin really
Are you double jointed?: yeah my wrists and ankles...haha
Can you roll your tongue?: no
Can you raise one eyebrow at a time?: nope
Can you blow spit bubble?: heck yes
Can you cross your eyes?: yeah
Piercings and where: ears
Do you make your bed daily?: of course...not
Which shoe goes on first?: hmmm i think right
Speaking of shoes, have you ever thrown one at anyone?: haha yeah
On the average, how much money do you carry in your wallet?: i don't have a wallet
What jewelry do you wear 24/7?: watch
Favorite piece of clothing?: sweatshirts
Do you twirl your spaghetti or cut it? twirl
Have you ever eaten Spam?: yeah
Favorite ice cream flavor?: mint chocolate chip
How many cereals in your cabinet?: i can't eat cereal
What's your favorite beverage?: soda pop
Do you cook?: sometimes
How often do you brush your teeth?: every once in a while...jk
Hair drying method?: my towel
Have you ever colored/highlighted your hair?: yeah it is right now
Do you swear?: not on purpose
Do you ever spit?: not on purpose
WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE.
Animal: any baby animal
Food: baked spaghetti
Favorite Cartoon Character: haha because of Chad...Sheen!
Subject in school: Math...hehe
Sport: volleyball and track
TV show: Full House
IN AND AROUND.
The CD player: U2...haha
Person you talk most on the phone with: either my mom or Kourtney
Ever taken a cab: they don't have them here
Do you regularly check yourself out in store windows and mirrors: who doesnt?
What color is your bedroom: lavender
Do you use an alarm clock: most of the time
Window seat or aisle: window
What's your sleeping position: upside down
Even in hot weather do you use a blanket? yeah i can't sleep without a blanket on
Do you sleepwalk: ya...
Do you talk in your sleep: oh yeah, but not in english
Do you sleep with stuffed animals: heck yes!
How about with the light on: nope
Do you fall asleep with the TV or radio on: yeah
Do you like to snuggle: love to!
|Arrrrghhhh my friend annoys me.|
UGH! I think I'm moving onto that island earlier than I thought I would be. I'm basically fed up with the male population. Except for Adam, Will, and Andy. Oh yeah, and Chad too.
I don't know...I'm just giving up. I don't need this right now anyways, it's too much of a distraction. Dang I wish I would have listened to Jessica, she definitly knew what she was talking about. *Bangs head on table*
Sooo, tonight's the last girl's Bible Study before Jessica goes back to college. *Sigh* I'm gonna die without her here! She's the one person that kept me sane in Tehachapi. I need to talk to her tonight...really bad.
Umm, I don't usually do this...but whoever's reading this, I need prayer. I've got a heckofalot going on right now and it's about to make my brain explode. I'm losing it. Umm....*akward*
Well, this is the end. Wait, I've got one more thing to say...
ADAM'S THE BEST FRIEND I COULD EVER EVER EVER HAVE! I love him!
Well, this morning my dad taught me how to wash my face. That's right, he's insane. "Make sure to move everthing out of the 'splash zone' and when your done, use a towel to wipe down anything near the sink. Go about 4 to 6 inches into the sink, also. I'm an insane control freak." You people think I'm overreacting? He got mad at me for not wearing socks.
Well, now that that's over...ADAM I MISS YOU! COME BACK FROM WHEREEVER YOU ARE!!!!! I've left about fifty bajillion messages on your voicemail because I'm insane (where do you think I get it from?) So once you turn your dang phone on, you can listen to all of them! Yay!
Soo...Tehachapi still sucks. I was at the lake with Tommy and Lauryn after the movie that they showed, and a cop pulled up in the parking lot and just kind of stared at us. (It was 7 minutes past curfew! *gasp*) So we thought about running and hiding (there's no way he would have found us unless he got a search team, which he probably would have) but we decided against it. I was quite angered, cuz that meant I had to go home and I realllllly didn't want to. But...I did.
Then I stayed up til 1 am cleaning my desk and putting pictures up on my door. Now it looks quite awesome. Yay!
Umm...END! Now, comment!
Wow, I must say it has been awhile, eh?! I would tell you all I've been too busy, but that's not true...at all...lol I've just been living at the Deharts house for the past week or however long it's been. Today's the first day I didn't go there in like 2 weeks. Wait, nevermind, I take it back. I went there today, lol! Lauryn was driving me around because her 6 months were finally up and she promised me she'd drive me places. So...we went to the Deharts and bugged Justin for awhile. That was plenty fun!
So ya, I hate Tehachapi. Bear Valley in particular. At least in T-town you can go to Denny's, but in BV you have a freakin CURFEW! What?! And not even a normal one either, you hafta be inside at 10! Well, you can drive and stuff, but you can't be out at the lake or walking or anything. How freakin lame is that?! GRR! So...yeah...it's lame times 50! I HATE IT! So all you people who live in normal towns, be happy. Be happy that you don't get pulled over by the big bad BV police because you "look suspicious." Rar.
I'm thinkin I'm gonna call someone and go...somewhere. I couldn't tell you where though, because it's after 8 and EVERYTHING'S CLOSED!
|La la la la laaaaa,... la la la la ( luuuu) la!|
So here I am to blog, when I realized...I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO BLOG ABOUT! So, I'll type whatever comes to mind. This could be interesting, my friend. Indeed it could.
Don't you absolutely hate it when you hang out with someone of the opposite sex for a little bit, and suddenly everyone thinks you like them?! It irkes me SOOOO much. I was just thinking back to summer camp when I was hanging out with Justin (who's 20, by the way. That makes this story even more...worth telling?). I was sitting on a log with him (but not just with him, with Lauryn and Mike and Jen). And I walked by Peter and he asked me why I was sitting on the log...so I, like any normal person, said "I like the log!" And he gave me this weird...Peter look..and said "I think you like someone on the log." UGH! He's only 6 years older than me, sicko! Plus, he's practically my older brother! EW x 6,000!!!! Ugh. So yeah...that just came to my mind, because that's been happening a lot with me and Justin lately cuz we hang out. ARRRGH! Doesn't anyone get it?! He's my brother, which equals EW.
Wow, two awesome music videos just came on in a row. That's rare! First it was All These Things I've Done by The Killers, and now it's The Best of You by Foo Fighters! YAAAY!
That totally made me happy. Let's see, what to talk about?
Gah, Chad, why did you have to go to camp?! I'm BOOOOORED!
Bah, it's so dang hot! Milk was a bad choice.
Sorry, I had to Show my funkee side. Um.....Well, we gather a butt load of junk from like, around our house. That we've uh, gathered over the years. Yeah. Then I have the immense privelage of like, getting up at 5 in the morning to help set up for this garage sale. Yeah. Yeah. Yerah. Yertah. Yertah-zang!
Okay....I'm bored and as I said: I'm feeling funkee. I'm a tad Psychadelicfeelingrightnow.
Today, Chad and I like, Made plans to build a fuel powered marshmallow gun. all we need to do is seal off all the open spaces (Except the barrel obviously--Guns with closed barrels just don't work for some reason ) and then buy an igniter similar to the one on my potato cannon. Yay! We would have Uber powerful marshmallow guns!
Well...Oh yeah! I bought text books for college yesterday! And I'm so excited about my music theory class, that I started reading the text book already! Oh man! *Sign that says "Lover of music"/"slave of music"/"musical geek" appears over head*
Chad called me evil for reading a textbook when school hasn't started. To him, I say, whatever!
Well, over and away I go!
Signed, an Escamilla in the way of Mike
Actually watch this! It totally rocks. And for those of you who left me comments yesterday, thanks SO MUCH. I really appreciate it, you guys rock. I prayed about the situation, and things have gotten better. But anyways...watch the video!
Well, like, Andrew and Cory couldn't make it today. Bummer.
I'm also the unofficial promoter for "I'm Late Again" by MxPx. Ok? If anyone wants this song, I'll send it to them! I love it! It's like, Gospel Punk...Gos-Punk....Punk-spel? Anyways, It rocks. I know I hate country, but this song is AWESOME, even though it has a slight country tinge. YOU NEED TO HEAR THE AWESOMENESS!!!!!!
On the opposite end of the cool spectrum, I got a spider bite on my eyelid. It's annoying as all *Thinks of something annoying* non-MxPx country music. Oh man, my face looks mildly deformed. But-cha know, you win some and you lose some.
Hey! Chad! I already worked the camp guitar thing out! you bring yours, and I'll bring mine. We switch. I like fat annoying nylon strings, cause they...are bigger. Anyways, I have a lose inlay, but whatever.
I just watched the French Connection. It was pretty cool. I hate swearing though!
A random peice of my life...
Me: I actually liked Hayden first!
Moncy: Well I saw him first!
Me: BUT you didn't like him first!
Moncy: But I like him more!
Me: Mais il m'aime! ( but he likes me)
Moncy: non, il ne t'aime pas! Il m'aime!(no he doesn't he likes me!)
(btw were just kidding!)
Me: only in your dreams!
Mr.S : En Francais!!!!!!! (in french!)
Me: I'm sorry Mr.S
Mr.S: EN FRANCAIS!
Moi: J'adore Monsieur S. et Hayden Christensen!
Moncy: hon hon hon! (laughing en francais)
(in a whisper): You get to have the cover of GQ for that! ( the cover was currently featuring Hayden)
Moi: Bein! Mercie! ( btw the GQ magazine was already mine )
|Ugh, attack of the mood swings!! I'm feeling really crappy right now...i could use a hug. preferably from a certain someone, but seeing as how that's now completely impossible...a hug. i just want a hug.|
|Dag, that song has been stuck in my head ALL day!! So I went to youth group singing it, and Justin (aka Jenguin, aka older brudder I never had) heard me singing it, and so we burst into song, basically screaming "BECAUSE YOU KILL ME! YOU KNOW YOU DO, YOU KILL ME WELL! YOU LIKE IT TOO, AND I CAN TELL! YOU'LL NEVER STOP UNTIL MY FINAL BREATH IS GONE!" So yeah, we got a lot of weird looks. But whenever we're together we get weird looks!! Yeah, well, we're awesome. Like...the dynamic duo. Duo? What a weirded out word. Did I even spell it almost right? But yeah. So we hung out at the after party too, and talked about all of our inside jokes so that nobody outside of us knew what we were talking about. It was awesome! By the way, I've thrown paragraphs out the window for this entry. They're so overrated. But yeah, so Justin, Danielle, and I all hung out. We talked about EVERYTHING! From annoying stalker boys to Saturday Night Live. Somehow SNL slips its way into every conversation Justin and I have. It's great. Cuz then we just jump into quotes from the Jeopordy (my spelling sucks, deal with it). Then we start acting it out too, and then people like start watching, and anyone else who knows it will jump in. It's hilarity at it's finest. Umm, then some not good stuff happened, and I actually opened up to someone about something I hadn't been talking to ANYONE about. It was a good feeling, even though I cried my eyes out. Then it made me mad because Peter was like "stop crying!" Grr...guys don't understand that crying is a GOOD THING. It's so much better to cry than to keep it bottled up! ACCEPT IT, MEN! CRY ALL YOU WANT! Oh hey, Chris is here! I haven't seen him in awhile, I gotta go talk to him. Bye ya'll! Anyone who wants to know, I might tell you what's going on with me. I love you guys. And I really, truly mean that.|
Oi! Oi! Oi! You can’t make me update! You can’t make me! You cannot force a pig through a doughnut! * Ponders * Dang I guess I am updating! Well, I had to take a hiatus! I just was not bloggy, but maybe I am now. What kind of a stupid freakin’ name in “aeonity”?! It’s hecka dumb compared to “Emo Blog” for two reasons:
1) I write Emo basslines.
2) If you took the “B” out of “ Emo Blog” you’d get an “Emo Log”, which sounds intimidating.
Well, in other news, I bought the MxPx CD Panic! It Rocks! It’s cool! I don’t really have anything else to say about it! Well, tommorow, Andrew and (hopefully) Cory with his drums will be coming over! Right on-ness! First time we’ll actually have a semblance of a band!
Well, how’s the rest of you doing? I’m like, going to go, ‘cause I have nothing to say right now and I done typing!
Keep the Ska Flame alive!