secrecy in incomprehension
Date: Sep 4th, 2005 11:59:15 am - Subscribe
Mood: illiterate
currently listening to:: The Faint / Desperate Guys
the current state of our state (or world?) is the only thing that keeps me from suicide. i know there are, bigger things in this big picture, which gives hope to its smaller diminions which do its biding in due time. i hope that, someday i can stop asking questions because i won't be unsure anymore.
questions, questions, hope hope hope.
why bother?
another question.
i submit to use other vocabulary to alphabetise my emotions so i may not deem myself another hopeless adolescence in the wind... doomed to wait upon a never-ending list of questions, empty promises, letdowns, and forfeited relationships.
i realise, we will never have what we want, because we don't know what we want. comspire against all you want, but the confusion of the pile of words crapped upon this entry will be read by none other than myself, and therefore, i will permit my fingers to do my biding; to type indescribibly confusing sentences mashed together for the sole reason of my releasing the incomprehensable string of words that go through my head at, par, 600 thousand per minute.
or so i calculate.
deep breath.
my english literature assignment awaits.
but in no way does it excite.
Comments: (1)
heroes in orderly change
Date: Sep 2nd, 2005 2:33:36 pm - Subscribe
Mood: disoriented
currently listening to:: death cab for cutie, \'title and registration\'
This is not a lesbian entry. This is a metaphor, for those who are brainless.
i'm afraid i can't do this any longer. We have to break up.
i hate to relate; this applies to both of you.
i won't say i don't know. i do know. This was contingent from the start. i'll confess first. i never really liked you. but to say i never really loved you, would be a fool's paradise.
wouldn't that make things simpler so?
say something. you know it's too late. so why not go ahead and speak for yourself. this was beautiful at the start. it was so unlikely, and yet it felt so right. why? over the simple things in life of a 'normal' sided teenager which leads us to believe friendships could be so easy and casual.
how do we say it? how do we form this idea that everything can be communicated and then resolved? what convention convinces us of a way to converge what we feel into careful permitted words of interest?
how do i explain to comprehend this vine of carefully woven emotions in vocabulary you would care to understand?
truth is, it is fragile and ephemeral. listen to me now, this is what i need to let you know.
i can't wait until tomorrow. the truth is unspkoen and unwritten. i won't say it ever.
this is what it has boiled down to. we were sisters, we were lovers, we were best friends. we were almost family.
now, we stand alone. well, i stand alone. you stand on on the side of the river where should you fall, you will be caught. but my stubborn ways and immature choices have only fatal flaws in my prominent future for my endings.
let me take the punches for you. the bruises will be a sad reminder of the darker times, and the beauty of it is that the happier time will never be taken for granted; for the cease to be remembered in the first place.
so goodnight.. and go.
whisper your sweet nothings and remember to secure that seatbelt.
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