An odd case of emotion.
Date: Aug 1st, 2005 3:59:09 am - Subscribe
Mood: spacey
Music: Incubus - "Aqueous Transmission"
Up and down. Here and there. Almost manic. A strange path of emotions for me. And to add to this odd mess, I don't have an explaination for it. Nothing. At times events set me off and send me into a lifeless mood, but for the most part I can't find a reasoning. When this mood hits though, it hits like a high wind blowing me down. No matter how hard I try I can't seem to pick myself up. Not in a sad mood. Not in a depressed moon. More of a oppressing mood. Thoughts come from every direction, all relating to something different. Coming in swarms too fast to comprehend. My mind tells me to slow down. To take a break. Lets think about things instead of doing them. How about we shut down for a while, shall we?
Could it possibly be these decaying summer days that are causing this? The rotting hours of breathing in still, chilled air. This perpetual cycle of waking, small talk all day and then back to sleep. Little events, with a larger one thrown into the mix randomly. I always tell myself to get out more. To do something. But the drive behind that desire is small, and my conscious always brings me down one way or the other.
My thoughts usually bring me to one of two variations of my abnormal mood. One of which being too happy. Thinking of all things great and wonderful that has happened or is happening at that moment. At that single moment everything seems so great that it is almost too good. This results in a physical mood that is rather sluggish. Although my thoughts are encumbered with delightful memories. On the other hand, there is the opposite variation of this mood. The one that is just overall doltish. Neither my physical or mental being are in progress. Slowing all the way down to a halt. Often influenced by comparing things to those of old. Old times.
It's odd to see what can lift these thoughts and moods sometimes. Of course some things are expected, and are guaranteed to bring you up. Things like spending much needed time with someone. Delighted to see them evn though you see that person on a regular basis. Things that you wouldn't even expect. Something like a meaningful conversation between a friend. Or looking up at the stars ontop of buildings composed of huge bricks of hay.
There is something special about something like that. Some sort of connection between everyone there. The sense of long term friendships coming together to witness to marvelous night sky. Little spots twinkling way up, far away. The eye will trick you into thinking they aren't so far, but instead within arms reach, but when you reach out to grasp one of the little dots it dodges you by millions of miles.
Coming together with friends you haven't seen for weeks. Feeling free and careless amongst people is the greatest feeling. Comfort and silliness.
And the simplest thing that can bring a rising feeling, is the setting sun. Seeing the sky grow old while knowing you can enjoy this everyday if you wished, becuase the sun will be there again. It will rise and fall over and over again. It has been doing so for years before you, and will continue to do so until it just burns itself out. It wouldn't change it's ways for someone so small in the world like yourself. We are all tiny to someone. No matter how big you are, you are still miniscule to the red face. Nothing can change that.
Thinking about such things helps. If I just keep my mind set on those thoughts and memories, things should be fine.
This entry has become a large tower of rambling text. Amazing.
I appologize to all of those who have had to put up with my dullness this past week or so. It's ridiculous, really. No need to be in such a mind-set. But thanks for putting up with me. :]
Comments: (2)
 |
playwright - August 01st, 2005 |
anonymous - August 17th, 2005 |