Time.
Date: Aug 19th, 2005 3:57:40 am - Subscribe
Mood: well
Music: Godspeed You! Black Emperor - "Storm"
Nostalgia fills me. It flows through me constantly, and now more than ever. This constant comparision between now and what was last summer. It's odd really. There is something about this summer that just doesn't feel right. Something hidden.
I just can not put my finger on it. Through out my entire mind, I keep thinking of last summer. There was a certain sense of those days that was pleasant. At the time I had no idea that I would think back and actually enjoy the thought of the long, lonely summer days and the short, drowsy nights. Maybe I have sheltered myself from the green trees and blue skies. My windows are usually blocked by maroon sheets now.
I ripped them down the other day. Down they came to reveal the outside world. It seemed almost symbolic in a way. Tearing down these barriers to see out at the active people and the moving cars. It was then that I touched the feeling of last summer. I could feel it. It ran through my veins like a new blood. I was delighted to have actually accomplished feeling that again. That feeling was something I wanted to experience again for a while.
By this time, my mind had begun to destroy that feeling. I took a mminute to think about how everything has chnaged over the course of a single year. That year seems like an eternity. Almost a complete turn around. Nearly every aspect of just about everything is not the same. Looking back, it seemed like that was another world almost. That single year it's own world, with it's own characters and own events. Everything fits into that world, but when brought into this world, this year, it doesn't. The two clash somehow. This change was something that had to happen, though. It was inevitable. Without it, there would be no today.
Such a shame that I touched that feeling of last year so late this summer. August is already midway and school is coming soon.
I'm anxious for autumn. There is a certain feel of it that is very nice. The way the trees drop the dead leaves, the shorter days, and the chilled air. And then comes winter. The endless months of dead land. Silence on top of freshly fallen snow.
It's funny how you appreciate something more after you lost it. You long for summer during the freezing nights. You cherish the time you had with friend's after you've come home. You desire to spend more time with someone close after they have left.
I find it crucial to retain as many memories as possible from those special times. You always seem to get to caught up in the moment to actually be grateful of the time you are having. I keep a photo album of memories locked inside of my mind. Plaed where nothing can rip it apart or tear the binding. Always placing new photographs on fresh pages.
Comments: (1)
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playwright - August 19th, 2005 |
