emotions
Date: Nov 23rd, 2004 11:52:00 am - Subscribe
Mood: troubled
people say put your feelings out... be passionate, be alive, be and be and be... people say... be patient, be calm, be and be...
I am a troubled soul, the more i am getting deeper into this journey of discovery the more i discover i am helpless, ruthless, selfish, egocentric and trying to be pure person..
who am i to be like this? who am i to try to be this? i am pursuing a dream that i sometime feels i am crazy for the dream itself...
i had fights with my loved one just because of pure historical jealousy, nothing more, nothing less... and fear of existence and again feeling of less.. what does it mean.. it means i expect things.. i feel that i don't get what i am expecting.. is this wrong???
who should change...?? i should change.. i know... it is useless to ask my partner to change.. perhaps she doesn't want to change.. then i should change.. either i accept her.. or i let her go.. that's the change.. neither choices are easy to do.. but hey... that is life.. that is love!!!
I know i love myself.. but i cannot hide that i also love others.. i love my mom, sisters, bro in law, nieces and nephews, my gf, her daughter.. i love so many people..
who do i choose when it comes to choosing??? i shall choose the one choice that will make me happy.. what will make me happy?? again, it's all about expectations.. what is expectations.. ??? raising a son for 32 years and then he will leave you? raising a daughter for 25 years and she will leave you?? what is the expectation??? it's not easy to expect.. it's even more difficult not to expect.. expecting not to expect is like choosing not to choose... it's always not easy to be 0.. and again being 0 is choosing to choose to be 0... so it's a choice..!!!!!
oh.. just let it be... this is the substance in me talking gibberish.. however one of these days, this substance is going to reveal.. reveal its true color... its true composition.. its true self... its absolute self...
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life
Date: Nov 23rd, 2004 9:36:21 am - Subscribe
Mood: stubborn
if life is supposedly to be fair, we are what we do and we get what we give.. then life is supposedly to be easy..
now what is emptiness, what is 0 and what is (.) /DOT? they say it is the beginning of the end and the end of the beginning.. it is the source of sources.. if that is it.. then it is not it, since it can be defined..
have you everthought of infinity? if infinity is defined, then it is finite.. it is not infinite itself.. how do you define something that is beyond comprehensible.. and what is all this meditations and life saving teachings if actually, you cannot apply them to your everyday living..
why am i this stubborn in finding peacefulness when i can't even sustain it??? am i so greedy that I want everything to be like I want it to be?? am I that pure that I deserve to get what i want? am i that dirty not to get what I want to get!!??? what is me? what is you? what is the universe??
if englightment is to be found, why can't it find me?? what kind of life do i want after enlightment? isn't it all about expectations?? even messiahs have troubles!! what about me!!!
I am a strong, independent and abundant MAN!!!
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think
Date: Nov 23rd, 2004 8:57:15 am - Subscribe
Mood: dancy
are we always thinking, or do we believe that we think? would it be that we actually are not thinking and only reacting? or we react to think? is it true that we are thinking more than feeling, or is it we are feeling we are thinking, which actually we are thinking of the feeling itself...
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