zephyr's Aeonity Blog
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Sep 28th, 2006 12:46:56 pm - Subscribe

Patricia heard me say that I liked Neal. Next thing I know, she was going out with him. That's weird, that she would like the same things about Neal that I would. Especially since she's talked so much about how off the wall I am.

But it's good. I would never make a relationship like that one work for me, and she has real feelings for him. Can't help thinking it was just a little bit pissy.

But maybe those two will settle down. And that would be beautiful.

There's no reason to get tangled in a piece of jealousy.
mood: fine
What's up?: I reject that scene anyways - sour grapes? :-)
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Late night conversations

Sep 27th, 2006 12:43:13 pm - Subscribe

Parker. Remember Parker? Years ago he called me after midnight, mildly drunk. He needed to spill his guts. He needed to tell someone I guess. I didn't mind.

I love Parker. He's doing real well last I heard. He has an amazing gift for aesthetics. He has an amazing gift for being real. His honey bear Brenda is almost as gentle with his heart as he is with hers. I loved their apartment. Filled with animals of all kinds; they were friendly to a tee, and beyond intelligent. If pets really do reflect their owners, then these pets had a lot to say about Parker and Brenda.

I don't grudge Parker his relationship, but I do sometimes miss the conversations.
mood: batman
What's up?: It was 2 A.M. and I had no one to call.
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Come here; I want to hurt you

Sep 25th, 2006 9:56:20 pm - Subscribe

I wish I could tell you what was going on in my head. I wish I could explain to you play by play what really happened at my last job. I wish that I could talk to you about the folks I fall in love with. I wish I had some fairy dust to make things lighter.

I wish you could see me when I'm sick, or racked with pain. I wish you could do a ride-along to see what one of my days looks like. I wish you could hear my darker thoughts.

I wish you would stand there, while I threw a gob of jellyfish stingers at you, without your getting sick, or getting mad at me either.

Those damn stingers would fall off of you onto the wet beach, get coated with sand, and not hurt people any more. But I would stomp off by myself to try to nurse my wounds, to try to bring myself back around, around to the place where peace is found, and jellyfish stingers are the last thing on my mind.

Why do I want to hurt you?
mood: emotionless
What's up?: Everything's going to be okay
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Watch the clock tick by as the pendulum swings

Sep 24th, 2006 11:50:50 pm - Subscribe

This part of my life seems to be in slow motion. It feels like being a teenager again. Everything feels up in the air and out of my control. Isn't that how I felt when I was that age? That everything was beyond my control?

I didn't expect to revisit this place. After I got out of high school, my life got better and better for a time. Things seemed freer, more relaxed, and definitely more generous. I had some sudden downswings (think air turbulence in a passenger plane), but then things would return to some state of stability.

While my mom's gone the house feels more like a house and less like a home. In addition, I'm between jobs, so I have plenty of free time on my hands. The people that I delegated to when I was too busy to do things, continue to do the work I delegated to them, so my work is taken care of.

Therefore- my role is unknown. I've actually been knitting.

You heard me.
mood: empty like potential
What's up?: The thing about knitting is, when you make a loop- there's the loop. So predictable.
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Sep 20th, 2006 11:53:36 am - Subscribe

This gal I know broke up with her boyfriend when she was a teen, in part because she discovered she had a terrible illness. Well, she beat the odds, and survived. And now, it's ten years later. He's been her close friend all this time, she has a clean bill of health, and he finally realized that he's still in love with her. That he's been in love with her. That there can't be any woman for him other than her. He flipped out- he was stopping strangers and telling them his story. They were telling him, "You are in love." So he realized he had to tell her.

Well, according to their friends, myself included, they have been in love for years, but were in denial. Six months ago, so many people told him that he was in love with her, that he tromped over to her apartment to set the record straight and declared a relationship of friendship only. He left, she dissolved in tears, and for the first time she came face to face with her own heart- she did love him.

They continued hanging out on the pretense of friendship.

Now, half a year later, the earth shook, the cobwebs fell off his eyes, and he saw that he has loved her all this time. He lost his bearings, his ability to eat and sleep, and all sense of direction. He didn't know what to do.

I have never seen so lovesick a boy as this. He is on cloud nine, he is in the death valley desert, he is in the heights, he is in the depths, he doesn't know which way is up and which way is down anymore. I saw a PBS special that said infatuation stimulated the pleasure centers of the brain and shut down critical thinking. He's a prime example right now. He was trying to explain where he's at, and I can't even relate. He said, "puppies and bunnies…" I laughed at him and interjected, "and puffy white clouds." And he laughed and said, "Yes! The puffy white clouds! I love those!" Obviously he is endorphined out to the max and should not operate heavy machinery for a while.

And the gal. The gal loves him still. She LUVs him. Loves him, loves him, loves him. It's love soup.
mood: glad
What's up?: He said to her, "Don't break up with me [now] - I haven't even proposed yet."
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