I went to the picnic today and was so bored. Lenny's wife looked at me with ice in her eyes, or rather, managed icily to not look at me. My impression is that Lenny is a player, but he's definitely not with me.
I look down on that little hiding-behind-the-kids routine. "I'm occupied with my kids; I'm occupied with my kids, Oh. Look kids! The nice lady wants to say hello. Say hello to the nice lady, kids. [to nice lady] They're so shy! [To kids] Come on Lindsey, you need a drink of water."
I was very much the social pariah today. I haven't felt that ostracized since Jr. High.
I tried not to care too much, but you know what? It burnt.
Last Friday, I went to the dance hall to try out the West Coast steps I'd been working on. I've been going every Friday this summer, but no one really said they wanted to dance West Coast.
Things were shutting down and people were getting ready to leave, so I just blurted out to Kevin; "I want to dance West Coast." He's a good dancer, and I knew that dancing with him would help me improve. It takes a bit of humility to ask better dancers to dance with you.
He kind of looked at me as if I'd just burped in his face. But I insisted. I mean, I'd been going all summer, just for a chance to learn the stupid steps, and I can't help it if I don't look like a model dancer, it's in my heart; it's in my heart you know, and so I told him:
"That's why I'm here; why do you think I'm here?" So he swept me up and down the dance floor a couple of times and I was really happy, because he's a good dancer, and now that he's seen that I have the steps down, at least partially, he will be more likely to dance with me again.
I even got compliments from some of the other people. People sat down and watched, sat down and watched, you know, and that made me glad. Kevin had a good time. If I was a really bad dancer, he would have been bored.
It would have been like burping in his face and then laughing really loud.
But instead I was really pleased about how it turned out.
On Sunday, Julie called. I complained to her about Bob.
She fixed me up with Bob, so she apologized when she heard that he waits until he's angry or scattered to call me. She said she was disappointed in him when I told her about the time he called to complain to me about another girl.
I think of him as quirky. I told Julie how he bought 100 cans of soup because they were on sale, and how I'd asked him rudely, "What about warehousing costs?" and how he'd answered, "I have a big pantry." Julie laughed.
Also Bob was not very affirming. I had sent Julie some graphic arts work I had done, and had received many compliments on. She forwarded it to Bob, and he called me to tell me that he had seen my work, and the first thing he said was, "Why did you include a blurry photo?" I don't understand him. If he was going to be off-putting, why call in the first place?
So, yes, I am put off, and if it hadn't been one thing it would have been another.
Bart saw me looking scattered today. He said, "What's up?" He really wanted to know. I told him about the trouble I'd been having at work. He was very understanding.
I was glad somebody wanted to know. It made me feel a whole lot better.
When I got home, Bob called. I was surprised because I thought I'd scared him off. The man is in earnest. He calls regularly. He warns me if he will be busy or away and won't call me for a time. And then I realized. He doesn't call me when he's angry or scattered. He calls me in spite of being angry or scattered. He's been having a hard time lately, with stressful elements in his life, but instead of blowing this phone call thing off, he's been pursuing it.
|Today Lynn started talking to me. I was surprised. We talked about her wanting to have kids, and we joked about some dumb stuff. I told her something silly somebody did, and she came back with a grin on her face. "I just told ten people," she laughed. Yikes!|