I need you
Date: Nov 13th, 2009 5:14:06 pm - Subscribe
It feels like I barely know you anymore. You've changed a lot and it hurts me. I can understand if people can change, but at least talk to me. We barely talk anymore... like the old times, chatting about everything, laughing at your jokes. Then you would ask me out dinner, and we would have fun there, laughing and chatting, like never get tired of those.
I miss those..... I really miss those times...
And it hurts me seeing you like this.. morose and gloomy. You used to be a cheerful and brave guy... You never afraid of anything, looking directly to the front, facing your future. Where is this guy I know?
I know we have said those two words.. but is the feeling gone too? cause mine is still here, forever in my heart.
I am like walking in the fog... I can't see what I am facing, I can't see the path in front of me, I can't see you... I am still holding on up till now, but I will break soon.. this is just too hard. The memories are too sweet that it keeps coming back.
First time went karaoke with you.. first time you held my hand... first time you brushed my hair... first time you gently placed your arm around me... first time you placed my head on your shoulder... first time you hugged me tight... first time we cuddled... first love...
I don't care the future.. I don't care what will happen.. what I care is that I love you.. and this is just so damn hard.. I want to hug you, hold you close, kiss you, embrace you.. I want you....... and this is too hard... even crying is not making my heart lighter anymore.......
Last day with him
Date: Oct 17th, 2009 7:26:45 am - Subscribe
17th October 2009
Breaking Up Day
Spending the whole day with him. It was so beautiful. He cooked for me, talked to me gently as he always did before, and put me to sleep. Again and again I had to hold my tears not to burst in front of him. It was just that time when we hugged, I couldn't hold it, and I cried there.. I didn't want it to end.. that sweetness, that gentle hug, and just being with him. We just lied down there, thinking, and chatting, holding each other hands and hugging.. he would run his fingers through my hair, and said how he loved my smell..
And the day just passed so quickly, and before I knew it, it was time to say goodbye already. He took me back to my dorm, and was about to hug goodbye, when I couldn't help crying again. I tried twice as hard, but still couldn't hold. And in the end, everything that I had planned to tell him, left unspoken. Stupid of me..
And so I sent him message later that midnight. About how I will go forward and move on, about how I will live my life well and that he doesn't need to worry anymore and sad, about how I will miss all our memories, about how I was so happy as his girlfriend, about how this memory will never be forgotten, and last, thank you for everything..
He sent back, about how I need to love myself and don't be sad anymore, about how he was so happy when we were together, about how he will miss my hugs, about how he will miss me..
and I cried again
But that's it. This is the end. I have to be strong and move on.
Wish you all the best, sweetheart, I love you... and goodbye
What to choose
Date: Oct 15th, 2009 8:02:11 pm - Subscribe
Um, my mood is a bit better now that I calm myself down. I don't know what I was so angry about, and I felt guilty that I yelled at him and pissed him out. I was so childish.
And this is getting worse, really. This is not going anywhere, and it slow us down. Should I say those words now? Or should I just wait until he settled down and decide what it will be?
It's hard for him.. It's hard for me too, but this have to be settled as soon as possible if we both don't want our life to be ruined
Date: Oct 13th, 2009 1:36:33 am - Subscribe
Mood: FUCKED UP
IT HURTS!! DAMN IT! HE ACTS LIKE A REAL JERK!
GO CONTINUE WITH THAT YOU LOSER! GO TO HELL! YOU'RE JUST THE SAME AS THE OTHER GUYS!! FULL OF BULLSHIT! AN ASSHOLE! YOU CAN GO HANG YOURSELF AND DIE! STOP HURTING ME!!!!
Sleep... now I need sleep!!
Date: Oct 11th, 2009 2:25:13 pm - Subscribe
I haven't gotten enough sleep lately. It's not like I'm busy or anything, I don't know why, I just couldn't sleep. Usually, after I lied down, 5 minutes later I would be asleep.
This is eating me alive. Classes started today, and I left with eyebags on my face.. I need to do something. Damn him! Get out of my brain!
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