a beautiful mind
Date: Jul 31st, 2004 2:36:25 pm - Subscribe
Mood: lonely
i dont know exactly when it started. but it did. i have an illness i cant name. and in the medical world, it will never be an illness... officially... but there are times when we ourselves are the only ones who know that something is wrong. and i know with all my heart i have an enemy to fight against. and that enemy lives in me. it's even more painful i guess, because as i try to struggle with it, i hurt myself in the process. and i really dont know which enemy.. or enemies i'm fighting against. in the end, i cry instead, trying to find the answers. i struggle day after day. and not a day goes by, grateful, to find myself, able to put on my shoes, and step outside into the world. even if it means, cryin and talking to the wall at night. it's become a cycle. i cry to be happy again. and i become happy only to cry at night again. but no matter what, i will not let myself sink deeper into the water, for as long as i have these legs to kick myself afloat, and these arms to bring me closer to the shore. unless i choose to continue to swim, only then will i know if i will survive.
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