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The love of my life has been gone for around 3 days... He came back to me tooooday! I cried when he left. And I cried when he came back. He drew me a picture, it was so cute it made me cry even more, he's such a sweetheart. <33 .. Buuuuuut, he's stupid and doesn't think he's cute.. Which.. He is like, woah. I would explain it more, but, you people don't need to know those little details. .. And don't think you do either! You sick little perverts! ... yeah, that's right.. ...The night before he came back I had a horrid dream that scared me out of my room..: It started out as me on the computer(which shouldn't be that shocking), talking to one of my online buddies, who I'm starting to dislike. He was talking about this book he saw online, written by Beth. It flipped over to her reading this book at night, talking about what was written, and as she read the book, it put me into the situation. I was outside of an inn in the middle of the day, standing there on the lawn.. There were people nailed to the outside of the inn, all over the place, body parts torn off, also nailed to the walls. All over the grass was blood and organs.. It was so gross.. A man came outside, the only things I can remember about him was that he had white hair and his clothes being covered in blood from all of those people. Screaming he came running at me, knocking me down, taking a knife and stabbing me through the collar bone, which I could feel in my sleep.. He brought his fist upwards, and then down quickly to hit me where he had stabbed, but right as the fist hit, I woke up.. .. I was scared of my room so I got up and went and laid on the couch in the living room.. ..Well it's late and I need to get my ass to bed now.. I hate working.. Goooodnight, my loyal readers. <3! |
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Er... Not a man, but you get the point. I woke up late for the first day of work, yeah, that was really cool, I didnt't have an alarm set, also, my fag ass dad didn't say he wasn't going to wake me up. So, he comes home to get me, I'm not up, so he bursts into my room screaming at me which made me jump out of bed, screaming back at him.. I got to work and was leaning to use the register.. Hooray... I was leaning from my dad then a girl from work. As soon as people started coming in, everyone expected me to talk to them and such, which, I'm scared to death of people so, I fled to the back room telling my dad I didn't want to work up front. He was screaming at me and such, he said if I didn't want to do it I could go home and stay off of things, computer, games, tv, etc. So I had to walk home, when I got there I was so fucking pissed off.. After a while I cooled down and decided to go back.. I had to, for Nicholas's sake and my own.. Going back wasn't that bad, he didn't make me work registers and I just got to make things. I had to mix things with a spinning blade, which I messed up like 4 times, dropping the cup and having the ice cream fly all over me and the machine I was using. I couldn't help but laugh, my face and chest being coverd it it. ----I AM NOT DONE.----- --But I am in no mood to finish this-- |
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Today was alright, atleast the moring half was. I got woken up by a phone call from my younger brother, Ethan. He was home alone and bored at my mother's house, and wanted someone to talk to. Then, I just sat around at the computer desk and fished some of my drawnings I had started a while back. They all turned out fine I suppose. .. Took a bath so I'd be clean for work tomorrow.. and now I'm just sitting here listening to the Gorillaz, and talking to John and Nicholas. My shoulders are hurting right now along with my right wrist, it's from drawing all of those pictures. Oh! Nicholas told me to download some new songs. Angel Pumping Gas by The Postal Service, I listened to that song like for three hours. Yeah, it's that good. Anyways, I'm done for today.. --I'm an angel, let me pump your gas-- |
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Is it just me or has anyone else noticed that I don't care about other peoples' feelings? I feel like I have been a really big prick lately, not to just a few people, but to everyone. Like lastnight around 12 I was playing around in Photoshop 7.0 and talking to Nicholas, I told him I was drawing a fat cat, he said his cat was a little fat, and I said," Because you're fat, too." And most of you know already, when I say something mean, you know I don't really mean it. He should know that he's not fat, if anyones fat it's me. I tried to make things better between us, but I think I only made things worse and the fact that I'm a big fucking baby doesn't help me at all. So, I logged off of Yahoo! and went to bed without an," I love you." Which is really weird when you hear it every night before bed. As soon as I hit the bed I stared crying, telling myself that he probably hated me now or something, but then again, who doesn't hate me? Sarah says I should just stay away from E-boys because they stress me out. Uh, hello? You fucking retard, everyone stresses me out and you're one of the people who piss me off the most along side my dad. So.. I'm just sitting here thinking now, as I wait to be picked up for another day of lame ass work.. Right now I keep thinking about Nicholas and I, how long our relationship is going to last and such like that. I would like it to last forever, but it seems by the way I have been acting towards him that that's not going to happen.. Which just fruthers my depression. He says I don't need him, he might think that I don't, but I really do need him. If I didn't have him right now, I'd be in such a mess, not just with my emotions, but with other people. He's so fucking imortant to me, I don't even think he knows how much. Even thinking about not having him with me anymore is starting to make me cry, so I need to stop writing. Bye.. |
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..Most of this is mushy, and if you don't like reading this sort of stuff, then don't read it.. I have been sitting here, which figures because I'm a lazy bastard, but as I sit my mind keeps coming back to the thought of you. .... Your birthday is coming up so soon, you already know because I won't drop the subject of it. I know I've given you your prestent and things already, which was a drawing(for those people who don't know). Some reason I don't feel like it was even close to being enough, I want to do so much more for you but I can't, which really sucks. Sooooo... I will just write a lot about you instead. What to say about you first.. Uhh... -You are so fucking beautiful:: I love your curly brown hair, it looks so soft and playful. Your nose, it's so cute and round, that's why I call you PoohBear. Your voice, it's cute and makes me smile when I hear it. It's not only your looks that I love, it's also your personality. You're so warm and playful all of the time, you have a great sence of humor, which makes me laugh. You are hardly ever down, and really suportive of me, even when I'm being a complete ass. -We like a lot of the same things:: Music, although we don't like the same things, atleast you enjoy it and I love the songs you made me in FL Studios. Drawing, we both do it, except I do it more because I have less of a life than you. Video gaaaames, we like different things in this catagory, also. But, I still like some of the games you play. Beh... It's hard to think when you keep bothering me about thinking. Stoooop it... You are just perfect, that is all. <33 Stay the way you are. Love you more than anything, Nicholas. Forever x Always. |